If a guy doesn't call, does that mean there's no interest?

[NextGenFan]

Hi guys and gals,

Around two months ago, at this fast food that I stop in a couple of times a week, this guy around my age started working there. Shortly after, I started to notice that he had a tendency to look my way now and then when I would come in and sit down. I didn't think much of it, really, but then, he started doing other things that suggested just maybe, there was an interest on his part. On a couple of occasions, I'd already be seated and he'd be just coming to work, but before he'd go in the back, he'd stop by to say "hi" and "how's it going" and one time, we had a slightly longer chat before he started his shift. When's he out cleaning the dining area, he'll a lot of times come over to briefly ask how everything is (I haven't seen him do this with other customers, but I obviously can't say for a fact that he doesn't since I'm not there all the time).

Then, a couple of weeks ago, he started giving me free drinks (if the manager isn't looking) and he even gave me a free sandwich (I had something that entitled me to a sandwich at a reduced price, but he said he was going to give it to me for free). I didn't know if he was just being very friendly or if maybe he was doing it for another reason. I checked some online missed connection sites, but never saw anything from him and I tried posting a few myself, but no success. That discouraged me a bit, but I figured not everybody knows/tries something like that, so I worked up the courage one night to ask him if he'd like to talk sometime outside of work, and he asked for my phone number and said that we should chill sometime. I also gave him my e-mail address as well as my AIM information, but I couldn't take down his number because I didn't have my phone with me. I figured though I could just ask him for it when he called.

Problem is though, he hasn't. It's been over two weeks now and he hasn't called, e-mailed or contacted me over AIM. Yet when I stop in the fast food, he's as friendly and talkative as before, still slips me a free drink when he can and so on. Now I'm basically stuck. I was real proud of myself since I was able to work up the courage to give a guy I like my number, because I'm just a pretty shy guy and it's not easy for me to do something like that. I thought things would be easier in a sense once I gave him my contact information because we would be able to talk for longer periods of time, see if we have some similar interests, and I'd have a better idea if he was attracted to me or not. Things haven't played out like I imagined (hey, there's a shocker) and I'm unsure of what to do/think. I can't ask him for his phone number because he may not want me to have it. Maybe he was just being nice and didn't want to hurt my feelings when I asked him if he wanted to talk sometime outside of work. The way I see it, and I might be completely wrong here, is if he was interested, he would've contacted me by now. Me asking him for his number so that I can call him after he's had my number and other information for over two weeks doesn't seem like the right thing to do.

I don't know if he's gay, bi or straight. I can't just tell him that I'm interested in him because first of all, I'm not out and no way do I have the courage to tell another guy face to face that I think he's attractive and second of all, in a public place where other workers/people could hear, that is not something that I and perhaps he would want. I was hoping to get a better idea of his sexual orientation as I built up a friendship with him, but now I just don't think he wants one, but I'm not one hundred percent convinced of that. I hate waiting for the phone to ring every day or for a message to pop up in my e-mail box or AIM window. Seriously, it's hard to focus on my work and get to sleep at night because my head is full of questions and doubts concerning him. If I stopped going to the fast food, I could eventually get the feelings out of my system and get back to my so called "life", but then, if he is interested, he might think I'm not, and not ever call. I just don't know. I just don't know what to do because the waiting is ruining my days and nights, but I can't just go in and ask him if he ever plans on dialing that number I gave him because that could make for a very awkward and unpleasant scene, and I don't have all the facts, either, as to why he may not have attempted to contact me yet, so I don't want to make him feel bad or get him annoyed at me.

So, because he hasn't called, e-mailed or contacted me via AIM (and he's given me zero indication that he's tried, but for whatever reason, couldn't get in touch with me), does that mean he most likely isn't interested? Now he did say that we should chill sometime, and he's told me he's going to be getting a car soon, so could it be he is interested, but he'd rather get to know me in person rather than over the phone or internet? I know nobody here can answer these questions. I guess I'm just hoping to hear how things played out for other people here that were in a similar situation and for those that haven't been in similar situation, don't be afraid to tell me if I'm just too much of a wishful thinker. Maybe what I need most right now is a painful dose of reality. Anyway, any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[Jfierce]

It's probably best if you move on. I think you've got that figured out in your head but not your heart. You deserve to have someone as interested in you as you are in this guy. Try putting your energy into developing friendships and hobbies that will make you a great catch when the right one comes along

[simon]

Hi and welcome.

first off I think you are eating too much fast food ,really tho he might just have been trying not to sound rude,think how it would have come across if you said want to meet outside sometime and he said no,it's a job remember so he could feel he has to be that bit nicer to the customers,you could try once more,maybe wait till you could invite him to some band or sports event but if you have given your details then it's his next move,you know he might not even be gay:eek:

[joseph]

it mite be calling but dont worry about it beacase if him not call. you can gget a diffrint boyfrined.its so hard about calling and that. compiccatid

[marshlander]

The only time I've had this kind of experience the man knew I was crazy about him, but he still never called. It took a long time, but one does eventually move on.

I suppose if you want to make sure you could just slip him your number again and tell him he's obviously lost your first set of details, but you'd still like to hear from him? If he still doesn't get back to you it is definitely time to try and move on.

Good luck.

[stu]

The ball is in his court if he wants to he can contact you. Maybe he is intersted but to shy to do anything or maybe he is just been friendly with a regular.

[seeking]

Are u concerning if u move on, u will ruin the relationship between you 2??

I think it depends on if u care the current relationship between u 2 or not.

When i say 'not care'....i mean it is still ok for u to stop contacting him ever again...
If u do not care that much ( coz according to your description, i guess things between u 2 are not quite deep), i think u should take more actions, because this is the only way to find out whether he is just being friendly or he is too shy, or he also doubt if he gets u wrong, waiting for your next step.
Then even though it turns out it's just a misunderstanding....u won't be hurt that much

But if u care the current relationship with him a lot....then probably should observe and consider more be4 taking any action.

[AILU]

You are in a sort of similar situation like mine. Actually, I have had it twice already.

He could be just friendly, or a little interested, or interested but still in a closet. It's extremely painful to play a guessing game. And if you push too hard, they'll probably be scared away. You really don't want to be an inconvenience for them. What I did is to find a comfortable way to let the other know what kind of person I am and that I am interested in him. If there is no response, then you just move on.

For your own sake, it's better to find someone who knows what he wants and is confident of that. There will be an angel somewhere waiting for you. Have faith in yourself!

[Triangle1]

When I was around 21, I got a guy's phone number in a fast food restaurant that I had been obsessing over for months. He called back later the same day I gave my number. We were a "thing" for maybe 6 months. I wouldn't say it had a happy ending though. In general, there are cute guys everywhere and it's nice to think the random guy you see working in the mall could be a future bf. But 99.999% of the time, it's all wishful thinking. I recommend being totally realistic about meeting guys. They are either into you and show it, or they aren't. If it's confusing and vague, the vast majority of the time it's because you're more into them, than they are into you. That's fine though. You can't date every cute guy you see and expect every guy to fall in love with you. You need to be with a guy who is able to at least give you a call within a reasonable time period, and who makes it completely obvious he's into you. I don't waste time on situations like this because it's emotionally draining to drive down one-way roads. Every relationship should be a two way street.

[NextGenFan]

Hi everyone,

Sorry for not responding sooner, but I was out of town the past few days.

It's probably best if you move on. I think you've got that figured out in your head but not your heart.

Yeah, my head and heart most definitely aren't in agreement and aren't exactly on friendly terms right now, to say the least. Right now, I'm very much torn on what to think, but that tear will come together with time. If he doesn't make some sort of move that demonstrates interest, I'll just move on, like I have before.

Hi and welcome.

first off I think you are eating too much fast food ,really tho he might just have been trying not to sound rude,think how it would have come across if you said want to meet outside sometime and he said no,it's a job remember so he could feel he has to be that bit nicer to the customers,you could try once more,maybe wait till you could invite him to some band or sports event but if you have given your details then it's his next move,you know he might not even be gay:eek:

Thanks for the welcome! Heh, you'll be relieved to know I actually eat very little fast food. I go in there with a group that eats there simply because I want to see him, talk with him and hope that he'll make a move of some sort. The one time I did order a burger, he said with a smile that he'd give it to me for free. I accept the free drinks though, but that's all I consume when I go there.

As for him not wanting to be rude, I get what you're saying. Basically though, I wasn't speaking to him as a customer. I honestly wouldn't have even dared to ask if he wanted to talk outside of work if he hadn't gone out of his way to come over and briefly speak with me on several occasions. Thus, I thought there might be an interest on his part. I've been in lots of fast foods, and I've rarely seen workers behave the way he does, and admittedly, while I'm not there 24/7 obviously, I haven't seen him act towards other customers the same way he's acted toward me. Really though, I'm very much aware of the fact that he might not be gay and I may be reading way too much into his behavior. I'm kind of out of touch with reality right now, with this crush and all, but I'm not too out of touch to understand that I might be completely wrong about him.

it mite be calling but dont worry about it beacase if him not call. you can gget a diffrint boyfrined.its so hard about calling and that. compiccatid

If only it were that easy... but yeah, if nothing develops, I'm sure I'll come across another guy that I'll want to try and get to know in the hopes of building a relationship.

I suppose if you want to make sure you could just slip him your number again and tell him he's obviously lost your first set of details, but you'd still like to hear from him? If he still doesn't get back to you it is definitely time to try and move on.

I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing up phone numbers with him again because he may not want to talk with me outside of work. If that's the case, that's fine and I obviously wouldn't hold it against him. I was just there again tonight, and we were as friendly as ever, so if by chance something did happen to the number he put in his phone, I think he'd probably come out and ask me for it again if he's interested. I don't want to push this because I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. I think I've made my desire for friendship clear. No regrets now since I did what I felt I needed to do and now, I'll just wait and see if he shows signs of wanting to connect, that's all.

The ball is in his court if he wants to he can contact you. Maybe he is intersted but to shy to do anything or maybe he is just been friendly with a regular.

That's how I see it. It's his turn now, if he's interested. I don't think he's shy because he doesn't act nervous around me. Maybe he's just good when it comes to hiding his shyness or perhaps he's not the shy type. He's definitely a friendly guy, but I just felt like he was being extra friendly to me. Again though, that could just be wishful thinking on my part.

Are u concerning if u move on, u will ruin the relationship between you 2??

I think it depends on if u care the current relationship between u 2 or not.

When i say 'not care'....i mean it is still ok for u to stop contacting him ever again...
If u do not care that much ( coz according to your description, i guess things between u 2 are not quite deep), i think u should take more actions, because this is the only way to find out whether he is just being friendly or he is too shy, or he also doubt if he gets u wrong, waiting for your next step.
Then even though it turns out it's just a misunderstanding....u won't be hurt that much

But if u care the current relationship with him a lot....then probably should observe and consider more be4 taking any action.

There's actually no relationship (I wish though!) as of now. I wouldn't even call it a friendship as of yet. We're... friendly acquaintances? Yeah, that's what we are. He knows my name, I know his, we're friendly to each other and he's got my contact information. Until he calls and makes casual conversation, we're not yet friends.

I'm definitely doing a great deal of observing though... probably too much and that's why I have all these conflicting thoughts and feelings bouncing around inside of me!

You are in a sort of similar situation like mine. Actually, I have had it twice already.

He could be just friendly, or a little interested, or interested but still in a closet. It's extremely painful to play a guessing game. And if you push too hard, they'll probably be scared away. You really don't want to be an inconvenience for them. What I did is to find a comfortable way to let the other know what kind of person I am and that I am interested in him. If there is no response, then you just move on.

For your own sake, it's better to find someone who knows what he wants and is confident of that. There will be an angel somewhere waiting for you. Have faith in yourself!

Painful is right... ugh. I understand very much so about the "pushing too much" part. That's why I'm not ever going to ask him why he hasn't called or if he lost me number, or anything like that. I'm not trying to get any closer to him. I just.... I just wanted to do something to demonstrate to him that I was interested, assuming what he was doing before I asked if he wanted to talk sometime outside of work was an effort on his part to show interest. I may have been completely off base with my thoughts concerning the stares, the free stuff, the visits over to me... but I didn't know how else to show him I was interested other than to do what I did. Now though, I won't take any more steps forward because I need some sort of sign or evidence that he wants to move forward. But yeah, I definitely don't want to make him feel uncomfortable or in a position where he has to force himself to be nice to me, like say over the phone if he feels I'm pressuring him to call, which I won't.

If he's in the closet, but interested, I absolutely won't move on. I'm not open about my sexuality either. I've only told one person and that effectively ended my friendship with him once he knew I liked him that way. If this guy is gay but isn't ready yet to come out, that's fine with me. I'd be perfectly happy with a friendship and when we were both ready to come out, we'd come out together. I can understand not wanting to come out of the closest and I'd respect that and not push him, as long as we were together as friends and had an agreement not to see anybody else in a romantic sense. You know, it would be like we'd be out to each other, but nobody else would know. I'd be fine with that if that were the case.

When I was around 21, I got a guy's phone number in a fast food restaurant that I had been obsessing over for months. He called back later the same day I gave my number. We were a "thing" for maybe 6 months. I wouldn't say it had a happy ending though. In general, there are cute guys everywhere and it's nice to think the random guy you see working in the mall could be a future bf. But 99.999% of the time, it's all wishful thinking. I recommend being totally realistic about meeting guys. They are either into you and show it, or they aren't. If it's confusing and vague, the vast majority of the time it's because you're more into them, than they are into you. That's fine though. You can't date every cute guy you see and expect every guy to fall in love with you. You need to be with a guy who is able to at least give you a call within a reasonable time period, and who makes it completely obvious he's into you. I don't waste time on situations like this because it's emotionally draining to drive down one-way roads. Every relationship should be a two way street.

I see your point and definitely agree that it's a two way street, but I don't think it's as cut and dry as you make it out to be, with all due respect. I disagree with the idea that "they are either into you and show it, or they aren't" because homosexuality isn't something that's widely accepted as of yet, so for some guys, it's a lot harder to show their interest in other guys out of fear they might be wrong and then possibly ridiculed or embarrassed in front of others. If I find a guy attractive, I don't immediately make it known that I think he's cute. I try to get to know the guy, observe his behavior toward me, see if any actions or words suggest he's gay and go from there. I'm sure some gay guys make it completely obvious that they're interested when they meet good looking guys, but I also know that others don't, and that's why I'm not ready to move on just yet. There may be several reasons why he hasn't called. Yes, one of the reasons could be he's not gay and only asked for my number so that I wouldn't feel bad. I'll accept that after more time has passed. I feel though there are other possible reasons why he hasn't called yet and I feel it's not going to kill me to give him some more time. I do want you to know that I respect your opinion and appreciate your response and I do agree there is truth to what you say, but I don't quite agree it's as straightforward as you put it.


I personally wonder if perhaps I may have sent him some mixed messages that could have caused doubt in his mind, assuming he's gay and interested. I mean, I never did ask for his number. At the time I gave him mine, I didn't have anything to take his down with. After he asked for mine, I was there three days later, and I didn't ask for his number. I don't have a cell phone right now because I've had to cut my expenses down, so I couldn't just whip out my cell phone like he did and take his number. I didn't though bring anything to take his number down with the next time I stopped in there. I don't know if that made him wonder about my interest or not.

Then there's the fact my behavior towards him isn't exactly consistent. Sometimes, I'll talk to him for a bit when he's not busy, other times, I'll only say "hello" and then "goodbye", but that's because it's hard to just go up and talk to him without the group I'm with asking questions and wondering. Thus, I might seem more distant at times, and I wonder if that has made him question my interest, again assuming he's interested.

That's all pure speculation on my part, obviously. I could be totally off base or not, but it's something I feel I have to consider. It's particularly hard when it comes to same sex crushes to figure out what's merely a friendly act or what's intended to be a hint of something more. I intend on seeing where this goes, even if ultimately goes nowhere, for another month or so because I don't have all the facts. It's silly to act without all the facts. I do very much appreciate the thought and effort everyone put into their posts because it definitely helps to hear voices other than the arguing ones in my head and chest.