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i dont know what to do.
#1
i need help. i dont know what to do. i have completely shut down from my parents and from the world. i go day by day just living a lie and i dont know how to change it. i have had my entire life just filled with lies. my mother became a drug addict and she used to tell me that she was very suppotive of me and then she gave up on me. she wont even try to change herself. i know i cant let her bring me down but i sometimes think she is bringing me down. i have tried to get help but they in the end have turned there back on me and hurt me. how are people different if the ones i used to know are trying to hurt me? i want to be different. i want to be a real person who is happy everyday and i dont want stress taking over my life. i dont know what to do. what would be the best thing to do in this situation. i mean all my life i had to deal with people abusing me and taking things from me. i have tried to not let it happen but its like it has a grab on me and i dont know how to get rid of it. what do i do now? i am so confused that i just want to cry and never wake up. is there a day that things will get better? someone please help me.
christopher
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#2
Hi Chris good to see you back. I think it's time to take whatever steps you can to get some independence. You don't need to tolerate abusive friends or family. But you have to be strong and stick up for yourself. We know so little about your life it's hard to make many suggestions.

You get to choose your adult family and friends. It may or may not include the people of your childhood and adolescence. You can focus on building real bonds with people who respect you. You can focus on building up your skills and self confidence. You can start saving up money to get out of your current situation. Some short term, achievable goals will make you feel that you're making progress toward your new life.

Hugs to you.
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#3
I promise you Chris that it can get waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better!

My mom was a psychopath and my dad was a narcissistic sadist. I don't use the words lightly.,..they both are exactly what I said they are...

My mom had a monster inside of her and tried to kill me many times...and she was scary as fuck. My dad liked to kick everyone around him down for fun and enjoyed extreme mental and psychological abuse and humiliation...he got off on it. Both of them made it my job to "fix them"....

I was in a fog for many years and I didn't even tell myself the truth about them until I started having nightmares where I would wake up and sleepwalk and hide all the knives in the house...over and over....

It was embarrassing the next day when my BF asked where the knives were and I didn't even consciously realize what or why I did what I did...but a part of me knew where they were and "found them"....he didn't ask any further questions thankfully. What I experienced was repressed memories (she stabbed me when I was three and blamed it on an intruder)

We looked like the perfect family. He was an intellectual jock and she was a beauty queen...both were admired and loved by everyone around them...except for anyone who got close to them and couldn't help but notice something was wrong. My job included lying to the world about them and covering up the mess they made.

That is why you lie...it is part of your job in a toxic family.

The GREAT NEWS is that you are only 18 and are already telling the truth about them. I didn't come out of my fog until I was maybe 25...I used alcohol, drugs and lies to escape feeling anything....and escape myself....

Today..I think I am reasonably well adjusted...happily in love...and happy with my life. I have my demons but they are mostly powerless now.

You can do whatever it is your dream of...I promise.

I always believed that no matter what my parents did to me..my soul had another plan for my life and so I spent a lot of time making sure they didn't define me and processing what happened so I could leave it behind me. I even forgave them both...but I also divorced them and was glad when they died.

I shared this with you to show you that you can come from a bad place and survive...and even thrive.

A few tips....learn to avoid any self pity or thinking like a victim. Had I harbored any self pity I would most likely have never exited the abyss I was in. The same with being a victim. You have no choice being a victim when you are young but when you become an adult...you can turn that around.

Try to keep a positive attitude and if you can...find the silver lining in every cloud...there is always one...usually more than one. For instance...your mother being a drug addict will give you much more insight into the human condition and may make you a better friend and human being....that is what I mean by a silver lining...

You have no power at all to help your mother..none...only she can do that. Try to go to a N/A meeting for the relatives of addicts....it will help a lot to understand things. Addicts are always cunning and manipulative and if it is a parent....there will be a lot of bullshit that is put on you...

Also..find a therapist to help you deal with your past and your parents ..sooner than later...so you will have many happy years ahead of you....

I am proud of you for being able to tell the truth at such a young age....reaching out to other people is so important. Please keep doing that!Knuddel

Oh yeah...the lies...you may grow to hate any lies in your life because you had to live with so many of them...as they were forced on you. This can be a very good silver lining...I promise!
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#4
cnorwood4350 Wrote:i need help. i dont know what to do. i have completely shut down from my parents and from the world. ...
Ok, well, there are many here who would like to help however we can. Sounds like you're going through some very rough times.

As for shutting down from your parents and the world, I don't know a whole lot about you and your situation but it sounds to me like that's what you've had to do to survive emotionally. If you're still dependent on them for food and shelter, that may be what you have to do. But it won't always be that way.

You're right, you need help -- and that help needs to come from real people in your real life. What social services are available where you live? Have you looked into it?

Beyond that, keep coming to the forum and posting with us. There are limits to what we can do but we're happy to offer what words of advice we can.
.
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#5
cnorwood4350 Wrote:i mean all my life i had to deal with people abusing me and taking things from me. i have tried to not let it happen but its like it has a grab on me and i dont know how to get rid of it.

hey Christopher,
what do you mean by this? are your friends treating you like that?
''Do I look civilized to you?''
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