Hi all:
This might sound weird but I decided to ask your opinion. 
I met a great good guy and we have been dating for almost 1.5 months. It’s been great and I am happy and excited with him. We are out of apps and as far as I know he is not dating anyone neither do I. I have a couple of existing sex buddies which I know for a while since I hade been single for 3 years. I am not sure if I should let them go or Keep them while I am single. Not going to lie I’ve had sex with them since I started dating this guy. It’s just a different connection With them , just sex and I am willing to let It go if this guy and I become something more solid than just dates. My guy and I have not had a conversation about boyfriends but we have assured each other “things are going in the right direction”. I have no idea if he has other sex buddies as well. We have agreed and both believe that when in a relationship, monogamy is a must for both and that’s awesome. I’d be willing to let go my sex buddies for sure in the blink of an eye. 
Let me know your thoughts.

When the relationships appears "more serious" you both agree to keep it monogamous. So, maybe have the conversation "what does it mean for us to be serious about each other" with him.

Length of time isn't it, you can have a casual relationship for years. So, you and he need to figure out where that point is and be honest.

I mean if things are going well and these sex buddies are nothing more than that then yeah I'd let them go especially if they don't respect your boundaries. I would even argue to not have any ties to them, they might seem like a temptation later on.

As long as you haven’t had the boyfriend, monogamy, what-is-cheating talk you should be ok to see your sex buddies, as long as you’re not seeing them while he wants to see you.

It seems to me there has to be an understanding. Monogamy isn't for everyone, but it has it's place. we don't need to mimic hetero relationships IMO - There's a perfectly fine place for open relationships as long as it's agreed to by both parties and honored. Open means open - not hiding any encounter. Leave egos behind and enjoy a active sex life - just be on the same page with the partner and agree to the terms.

kindy64 Wrote:When the relationships appears "more serious" you both agree to keep it monogamous.  So, maybe have the conversation "what does it mean for us to be serious about each other" with him.

Length of time isn't it, you can have a casual relationship for years. So, you and he need to figure out where that point is and be honest.

He has said he wants to take it slowly and no rush. We are enjoying to get to know each other but I don’t feel it’s time to “have the talk” yet.   He might be scared Since he has been hurt bad in his previous relationship and I don’t want to scare him away.  I am not having a dating relationship for years.

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(08-11-2020, 06:32 PM)InbetweenDreams Wrote: I mean if things are going well and these sex buddies are nothing more than that then yeah I'd let them go especially if they don't respect your boundaries. I would even argue to not have any ties to them, they might seem like a temptation later on.

They do respect my boundaries. It’s just sex.

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(08-11-2020, 06:54 PM)obroin Wrote: It seems to me there has to be an understanding. Monogamy isn't for everyone, but it has it's place. we don't need to mimic hetero relationships IMO - There's a perfectly fine place for open relationships as long as it's agreed to by both parties and honored. Open means open - not hiding any encounter. Leave egos behind and enjoy a active sex life - just be on the same page with the partner and agree to the terms.

I don’t think monogamy has to do with hereto relationships and open has to do with gay relationships. It’s really what makes you feel comfortable with your partner. I do believe and want monogamy and he does too when the time of being boyfriends happens. The sex buddies is a different scenario since I am not committed to anyone and it’s just sex.

I think ultimately it all depends on the decision of you two. Does he accept that you keep those buddies, or if he also has sex buddies, do you agree for him to keep them ?

If you two agree, you might also have the possibility to have a 3-way...but it's too early to even talk about it at the moment I guess.

(08-11-2020, 07:54 PM)seeking Wrote: I think ultimately it all depends on the decision of you two. Does he accept that you keep those buddies, or if he also has sex buddies, do you agree for him to keep them ?

If you two agree, you might also have the possibility to have a 3-way...but it's too early to even talk about it at the moment I guess.

He doesn’t know I have them.  I don’t know if he has them.  He has said he wants monogamy while in a relationship but we are not in one yet.  He said in dating apps and will delete when he is in a relationship because they only create troubles. Well he deleted them and I did too but we have not talked about being boyfriends and I think it might be too soon, it’s only a month and a half.

@"Zurdoknoc" You might want to remove that email address

This is a subject where there has to be a clear understanding from both sides of what is expected.

There are many couples who can have successful open relationships. I agree that this is acceptable, as log as both sides agree to it.

You've said in your post that you both believe in monogamy, but did you agree to a start condition? I didn't say "date" because some couples may be monogamous almost immediately, and others could be open for years. You both need to discuss how you'll decide to become monogamous, and then stick to it.