@ChadCoxRox I am his first "real" boyfriend. So this is new to him and I am trying to be tolerant. He does suffer from anxiety and perhaps some social awkwardness, not sure entirely what his deal is. He's an only child to parents who like to hoard stuff and have 10 cats, he's picked up on some of the collecting stuff. And all that is fine. He doesn't seem to have much of any drive for anything except antiques. He doesn't know what he wants to do about anything it seems. Doesn't know what kind of job he wants but somehow he expects to jump right into something and while the odds aren't zero, it is just unlikely without experience or education in a related field to do so.

Nothing has really changed since I last posted in November.

And to further confuse the issue I have been reconnecting with this girl I've known all the way back to 8th grade. I don't know if anything is there but I can't ignore that I really like her and always have. I have also not ever slept with a woman either, so I might be barking up the wrong tree. And , no, I have not made any moves or anything like that, we have hung out a couple times. She was in town for Thanksgiving and I had invited her over for dinner and went for a walk. That's about the extent of things. Likewise, if I am going to try to make things work with him I need to put that shit to bed.

I feel like staying with him is that I will have to nag him to do things (like look for a job) and sooner or later he will resent me for it. I feel like I am often nagging him to do adult things and seems that his comfort zone isn't very far from home. He's just been sheltered but I don't think it is because his parents kept him from anything, it seems that he never really cared to explore anything or have an interest. I don't know that his ego is fragile as he constantly needs affirmation. Like if I don't call him he thinks I'm mad at him when I've called him the last several times and sent him text messages that he doesn't always respond to. It's become a bit of a drag.

I forgot there's some distance. I feel almost hostile reading this and I'm not entirely sure why. I guess I just wish for you a stable, heart-warming, yummy, sexy, interpersonal relationship without all the "issues." Right? LOL That exists? ugh.  Listen, he sounds more like a project and you sound ambivalent enough to tolerate the stacked deck. Dude, have you ever been attracted sexually to females before? I have to be honest about my thoughts. If she knows the deal and is still willing to facilitate your exploration, then go for it. If she doesn't understand the situation, my bias is the exploration seems like that of a 19 or 20 year old. Why are the consequences associated with youthful decision making seemingly more understandable? So ageist. ...I'm not thinking this reply out much. I perceive you as deserving a so much more satisfying and refined relationship.

(01-17-2022, 04:25 PM)ChadCoxRox Wrote:
I forgot there's some distance. I feel almost hostile reading this and I'm not entirely sure why. I guess I just wish for you a stable, heart-warming, yummy, sexy, interpersonal relationship without all the "issues." Right? LOL That exists? ugh.  Listen, he sounds more like a project and you sound ambivalent enough to tolerate the stacked deck.

Yeah there is a fair bit of distance, about 170 miles, it is a bit much and I know that some people have made distance not be an issue. Kyle's problem is that he needs to grow up some, at least in some areas and employment is one of them. I feel that I am adopting an adult child. Which sounds awful. Afterall, I have my issues. I am definitely not without flaws and I too need to grow up in some areas and I am trying to be cognizant of that.

(01-17-2022, 04:25 PM)ChadCoxRox Wrote: Dude, have you ever been attracted sexually to females before? I have to be honest about my thoughts. If she knows the deal and is still willing to facilitate your exploration, then go for it. If she doesn't understand the situation, my bias is the exploration seems like that of a 19 or 20 year old. Why are the consequences associated with youthful decision making seemingly more understandable? So ageist. ...I'm not thinking this reply out much. I perceive you as deserving a so much more satisfying and refined relationship.

I do find some women sexually attractive, although if I had to guess I'm probably 60/40 male/female or something like that. I am kind of picky I guess when it comes to that but I do keep in mind that looks are just that. She and I go back a long way and I have always found her attractive. We do talk a lot and our conversations feel natural and not forced, it's not small talk. She knows my deal and I did discuss some of this with her. She knows I have had feelings for her in the past but I don't really know where she is right now when it comes to me. Don't know if anything will ever come of this with her, so me breaking things off with him isn't really about chasing after her or someone else. I mean I would like to find a way to be friends with him and all that just not to be tied down in a relationship that I know is very likely not going anywhere.

See I feel like I am probably just bi (or pan...whatever) but I have just never found myself in a relationship with a woman in quite some time. I think early on I just assumed that I was gay and that was that. I just felt uncomfortable knowing that I might have to explain that I slept with men, seems taboo to me.

As for him, I don't know. I keep wondering if I am being fair, am I giving him enough time, are my expectations too high? My sister made the remark that I expect a lot from people and I just didn't agree with that but I wondered about it.