10-15-2012, 01:15 AM
This is why I took to the 365 day hold policy - for a year (more or less) I stay out of relationships.
It took be a few rounds to get it through my thick head... And of course the rebound relationships ended up ugly and uglier...
I now take the time to work on Me, and pursue selfish interests. Selfish is good if you are honestly seeking to learn more about yourself and working in things/issues you may have. I'm in luck, I have lots of issues to work on.
This throwing yourself into work is your way to ignore working on 'stuff' that you really need to work on before you move on to another person. When you find yourself not throwing yourself into work, you will be ready to pursue your dastardly deeds in the last relationship(s) and once you figure out what you did wrong you try to improve yourself.
It is real easy for us to slip into blaming the other when we break up, it always takes too to tango and be it merely enabling certain behaviors or being the 'bad guy' you did something which you need to identify so you can work on it and not make the same mistake(s) in the next.
Loneliness is to be expected. It happens to the best of us - fortunately you are single and lonely - I know too many who are in a relationship and are lonely...
Set a reasonable period of time before you put yourself back out there. Even if all it is for is 'just sex'. It is too easy to 'fall in love' or 'like' or lust or something that will easily patch that hole and confuse issues.
Say 6 months? You are halfway there.... Maybe go the full year? Maybe set a six month goal and then reevaluate where you are emotionally and with 'issues' and see if going out and dating is right for you or take another 6 months off.
You will be ok. I promise you that much.
It took be a few rounds to get it through my thick head... And of course the rebound relationships ended up ugly and uglier...
I now take the time to work on Me, and pursue selfish interests. Selfish is good if you are honestly seeking to learn more about yourself and working in things/issues you may have. I'm in luck, I have lots of issues to work on.
This throwing yourself into work is your way to ignore working on 'stuff' that you really need to work on before you move on to another person. When you find yourself not throwing yourself into work, you will be ready to pursue your dastardly deeds in the last relationship(s) and once you figure out what you did wrong you try to improve yourself.
It is real easy for us to slip into blaming the other when we break up, it always takes too to tango and be it merely enabling certain behaviors or being the 'bad guy' you did something which you need to identify so you can work on it and not make the same mistake(s) in the next.
Loneliness is to be expected. It happens to the best of us - fortunately you are single and lonely - I know too many who are in a relationship and are lonely...
Set a reasonable period of time before you put yourself back out there. Even if all it is for is 'just sex'. It is too easy to 'fall in love' or 'like' or lust or something that will easily patch that hole and confuse issues.
Say 6 months? You are halfway there.... Maybe go the full year? Maybe set a six month goal and then reevaluate where you are emotionally and with 'issues' and see if going out and dating is right for you or take another 6 months off.
You will be ok. I promise you that much.
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