How are you today?

[Sylph]

Disgusting.
Unworthy.
Infinitesimal.
Scared.
Pitiful.
Hurt.

Did not have a good day today. I'll give you a run down.

Now normally I'm quite optimistic and jubilant and can take whatever people throw at me but being Empathetic, emotions overwhelm me easily, sometimes passing my until today very solid barrier.

So I'm at the bus station, waiting so I can go to work at the beach(my 2nd job), and ignoring the usual "fag" "batty(bah-tee) boy"(means fag basically) , "gay boy" and reading on my tab, while listening to music when a little boy comes up to me and calls me a homo and runs away back to his parents who look proud if anything.

First chink in my wall. I have a soft spot for kids, so that hurt.

Anywho, I'm on the bus, the seat next to me remaining empty the whole ride, because people don't wanna sit next to a fag, except little old ladies who have no choice. People judge me because I just look "female-ish", so assume I'm gay and that's why they make fun of me. And the fact I embrace my self for who I am probably infuriates them and I can feel it sometimes.

So I get off and someone throws a water bottle at me, but misses, as usual, and I walk to the beach to get ready. A lot of my co-workers like me, the girls anyway, but the guys look at me with disgust and only offer Hellos and then not much else, except for the guy who I went to school with, he's the only guy there and one of the only guys in general who treat me with respect.

So I'm working and a tourist comes up to me, he's a white guy from Oregon or something, and asks me how do I wash my hair. A fair question, since he probably has no knowledge of dreadlocks, so I answer him, but then he begins to ask things like, why would I grow them? And no office job will hire me and so on and so on, so I politely told him to take he and his receding hairline, back to wherever the heck he came from, when he just outright calls me a fag. Woop, get in line sir, you're #2000 in my list to give a fuck to.

So more of the same going home, although interspersed with seeing my friends, majority of whom are either girls or who are gay themselves, which was good, but I was still feeling hurt.

Cause not only am I gay,have dreadlocks and "female" looking, but I'm very forgiving, possibly stupidly so, so people hurt me over and over, even when I try to tell them to stop. But to do so could result in me being harmed, so I brace my wall everyday, an extra layer per day. However, they only pick on me, because I live her and they know they can get away with it, along with other Gay Bermudians.

Because it's still legal to discriminate against gays anyway they feel like it, which they're trying to fight now, but Bermudians, however magical and wonderful, are stuck in reverse in regards to some things, so it probably won't change no time soon, until they probably pick on a gay non-bermudian, then a fire would be lit...

So yeah, and then reading that thread about fems this and that kinda just annoyed me more.

But I should be fine soon though, I've had time to lower my walls and let all the junk seep out.

I probably make Bermuda sound horrible but it's really not, probably one of the best places in the world :p, just that when your someone everyone has a problem with, it's hard to be yourself. Luckily the days aren't always as bad as today <3

So yeah, I'm done gurl