How are you today?

[Aquarius]

I'm not doing well.

I'm kinda ashamed that I always come back to GS as soon as I feel bad. But well.

Since a few days, depression rules my day again, and I sleep half of the day because sleeping enables me to escape. When I'm awake, I'm grumpy, don't see a point in doing anything, can hardly do what I meant to do, so keeping it to a minimum, like going to the supermarket.

The problem is that there is no help for me. A friend has offered to talk, but he won't be able to understand me, my life is completely different to his. He surely can't grasp what goes on on my mind, what I deal with all my life. But then, whatever group I end up in, even here on GS, I will always feel like an outsider, like I'm not on par with others. Focussing on my deficits doesn't help, but the world around me reminds me of them 24/7.

I'm not having dark thoughts or so, I'm just completely tired of fighting my way out of my issues. There is no way out of my issues, and there will be more issues in the future.

Maybe I will die without ever having sex. It's as it is. I just can't, and I don't know why, and how can anyone understand it if not even I do. I must accept that I'm the odd one, in whatever constellation of people I end up with. I'm tired of becoming someone I'm not.