Choosing to live life in solitude

[Anonymous]

Like I asked in the previous post, do you ever try to strike up conversation with your barber? You certainly don't have to, but I am wanting to know why you don't, that is assuming you don't. Also keep in mind things like body language, both you and your barber. If you look like you're grumpy he might just assume you don't want to talk...likewise, if he's looks grumpy you might feel like he doesn't want to talk to you. Whether that's true or not is unknown. Just like you might look grumpy, head down, no expression on your face, but are in a chipper mood. Some people just don't look like how they feel.

I think maybe I wanted to be treated equally like his other customers. Which is why I feel a bit sad if he doesn't start conversation with me just like other people. The worst scenario is when the barber is cutting my hair but is having a conversation with the customer who is waiting for his turn near me. I feel like I am just a doll sitting there. I might be wrong but it makes me feel like I am not given basic respect as a human being. I'm not sure if I am being egoistic without me realising. Or is it my severe low self-esteem that keeps me making mountains out of molehills.

But one thing I have learned is that we can't force others to talk to us. So I usually accept it if the other person doesn't seem keen to talk to me.

Btw, the Flowbee seems interesting.

I know that I shouldn't make assumptions about anyone but I would think that you probably don't go out doing recreational things much? And do correct me if I am wrong because I feel that in order to help someone overcome social anxiety it is good to try to know them. I often look into myself to understand how others feel. I don't always share the same experiences that others do.

Yes, you are right. I don't go out doing recreational things much. My social anxiety once reached to a terrible level when I feared leaving my home because my face will start twitching like a freak due to anxiety. I feared meeting neighbours and delivery-men delivering items. Now, it's somewhat a bit better as I could go to work. But I just can't go to other outside places, especially with a lot of people. It makes me uncomfortable.

And coming from a conservative place where shyness is seen as non-manly traits, it gets really humiliating at times. I get called names like sissy, half-man etc. and it doesn't really help with my social anxiety.

This is a photo of Earth as you would see it from Pluto. It was taken by the Voyager space probe many years ago. The reason I point this out is that no matter what the problem is in life, it is usually better not to take things to seriously, not to beat yourself up or make inconsequential comparisons between yourself and others. I have found in my meandering experience that people are more similar than they are different. Even across different cultures that at face value are nothing a like. We all experience anxiety, although differently at times and we all want to be accepted by others, even if someone says they want to live in solitude. Understand that anxiety doesn't go away, you just learn skills to cope and that's what makes it better. 15 years ago I wouldn't have ever imagined standing in front of a class of college students giving a presentation and aside from the pandemic I've done it every semester for the past several years.

Thank you for your kind words @InbetweenDreams. It's nice to know that you have learned to manage and give presentations to audience (another thing which I fear to do). You have given many tips on how to change my thinking and manage well. I will surely work on them and adopt them in my daily life.