Choosing to live life in solitude

[InbetweenDreams]

I think maybe I wanted to be treated equally like his other customers. Which is why I feel a bit sad if he doesn't start conversation with me just like other people. The worst scenario is when the barber is cutting my hair but is having a conversation with the customer who is waiting for his turn near me. I feel like I am just a doll sitting there. I might be wrong but it makes me feel like I am not given basic respect as a human being. I'm not sure if I am being egoistic without me realising. Or is it my severe low self-esteem that keeps me making mountains out of molehills.

But one thing I have learned is that we can't force others to talk to us. So I usually accept it if the other person doesn't seem keen to talk to me.

....

Yes, you are right. I don't go out doing recreational things much. My social anxiety once reached to a terrible level when I feared leaving my home because my face will start twitching like a freak due to anxiety. I feared meeting neighbours and delivery-men delivering items. Now, it's somewhat a bit better as I could go to work. But I just can't go to other outside places, especially with a lot of people. It makes me uncomfortable.

And coming from a conservative place where shyness is seen as non-manly traits, it gets really humiliating at times. I get called names like sissy, half-man etc. and it doesn't really help with my social anxiety.

I think all this, what you're thinking in these moments are all tying back to social anxiety. In my personal experience most of the anxiety I have, whether we're talking about in general or in social situations are all thought based. In other words you might think that the barber doesn't want to converse with you because you think he thinks you're a sissy. If you find that you have thoughts like that (and I may have referenced this previously) ask what proof do you have? I mean you didn't ask the barber if he really thinks that. The other thing you should ask yourself is so what if he does? I probably wouldn't do business with him anymore.

Thoughts and feelings are like a tunnel. You have a thought and it makes you feel a certain way and if you feel a certain way you might have certain thoughts. So that is why it is important to be more aware of your thoughts and feelings in certain situations. Understand that your barber not talking to you is most likely because he probably doesn't know you that well and in the past has always been quiet and like @calgor mentioned he probably reads that you're not really into having conversations. Your body language says a lot to people too and it's something you're probably unware of it. You can tell if someone is lying, angry, sad, up to no good by their body language, so you can tell if someone is uncomfortable.

The other thing to be aware of is that anxiety also tends to pair with depression. Now, the ball is in your court on what you choose to do, but if you feel depressed along with your anxiety you may want to consider the therapist or talk to a doctor about anti-depressants. There is a thread I started on the subject and it is definitely up for debate because I have heard everything from medications saved my life and really helped to medications really fucked me up. The other thing to understand is that medications aren't a silver bullet to the problem but they help you take the steps in helping with all that. I really ignored the depression part for a long time because who wants to admit they have a problem? So if you feel like Eeyore quite often you might consider talking to someone about it.