How are you today?

[Jay]

I feel kind of obnoxious for constantly posting on this thread. My apology. This would be the last one for a while.

I originally wanted to put a relationship on hold. I wanted to clear my surgery first before forming a relationship with someone.

I was also scared. I formed an insecurity through my injured leg. I thought that my leg would scare guys off. But I forgot that not all guys are shallow. I also learned to accept my leg and just say, "Fu** off if you can't accept me as who I am." Imperfection is a matter of fact is perfect and also beautiful.

But anyway after listening to a lot of advice from my friends in the real world and also from GS, I decided that it doesn't hurt to do a warm up now.

I don't want to lose my chance to have either my first crush or Mr Wink. Or others.

I will allow myself to be more extra open to my first crush, Mr Wink and other guys starting from next Monday. I'm ready to give them more intimate physical contact in a non slutty way. By all means more hugs, soft punch etc.

I confess that I really hope to have my first crush as my lover. I sincerely want him more than just a good friend and a brother. He really captures my heart. I feel really comfortable when I'm around him. Heck, I have no problem chatting private and personal stuff with him. He does make me confused though as I thought he has already been taken by someone else. I'll live if he is truly taken.

I'll give a fair treatment to Mr Wink as I'm giving to my first crush. There are a lot things that I need to learn about Mr Wink. Maybe it is Mr Wink who happens to be Mr Right after all and not my first crush. Who knows.

Maybe it is my first crush. Maybe it's Mr Wink. Maybe not them and maybe someone else. But whatever it is, I should try to embrace a relationship. Try and try again.

Oh yeah, another thing that I have learned from my first crush - Time to elevate myself to a new level again.

Okay that is all. End of my blab for this thread.