pillars in my life keep betraying me

[hank]

I was raised Christian, but I was never really a follower. I did the things that we were supposed to do so on so on. When I moved away from home I became atheist. Just didn't see any proof of God, so why believe. I sunk into depression and deep self hate. Booze and depression hit me, nothing really in particular got me so blue just life really crashing down on me, my failures where too much. I had an experience that I will not go into here. But it was enough to jumpstart my Christian faith.

I have been in a rocky relationship with Christians lately and I reached out to them. Confessed to being bi and that I wanted help coping. The reaction I got was not at all what I expected. I expected to hear that I must repent and not act on my unnatural feelings blah blah blah. But it was not like that at all. I was shunned, treated with bigotry and and cruelty. The basically alienated me as though I was a leper. Then they drive me put like a demon.

My conundrum is I heard God speak to me. I don't know that I can leave just like that. My heart is broken. What do I do?

I know some of you don't believe in a God, that's cool you don't have to but I do. So please don't tell me God isn't real, to me he is.