10-26-2012, 07:29 AM
Hi everyone,
I registered just to share my rent, and ask for advice.
Well i am a research assistant and Phd student. I have recently left my previous advisor (about 2 months ago) and started working with a new one. He has just finished his Phd and i was his first graduate student (actually i started working with him 2 days after he arrived at the school). So he was not at all "professor like" you know(hes just 4 years older than me). From day 1, (though i call him sir), we did not have the typical instructor-student relationship. We are more like friends. After his first classes he asked me, "how was i?", he shared quite a few things about his life with me, so did i, he told me once that we were so similar and even that he saw his old self in me (actually other people at school have told us that we resemble eachother a lot).
Anyway, there is a HUGE but, he has a girlfriend that he is been dating for 7 years (but as far as i know they have no marriage plans, and where i live you do get married after 7 years of relationship). However, i am %100 sure he is gay. He is just so feminine. Even people say that behind his back.
After i found out he had a girlfriend, i tried to hold myself off. I thought his interest in me was in a professional way (you know in academics, the better your students are the better you are, its a mutual advantage). But recently about 2 weeks ago, he told me we could go to America in June and stay there till September (for research purposes of course). I asked if i could bring a friend, he said yes. He then told me he could get us 15 days off so we can tour around the continent going to different states, but he then added "but you will have a friend come by so you could tour with her", and i said nothing.
Another thing i realized is that, once when i got too close to him, he got nervous, started moving too much, looking at the ceiling etc. but he is an anxious person sometimes so i dont know.
This one might sound funny but something that happened very recently is that, about a week ago he had asked me to teach him how to tie a tie. I told him i would love to. He then said he couldve watched youtube videos etc, i said no i will teach you myself. Anyway, about 2 days ago he mailed reminding me to teach him how to tie. I was surprised because you know he could have really learned it from the net very easily within those 5 days. Next day he had an urgent stuation and had to leave early so we couldnt come together, but i know he wanted me to teach him in person.
This is not an affection or anything btw, i LOVE him. Its the first time actually in my whole life that i have fallen in love with someone. We are just so similar. He is everything i like in this life, everything i adore and want to be. Its like he is me and i am him. If he wasnt my superiour id have told him right away. But if i tell him that i love him and i get rejected, he will not want to be my advisor anymore. And i dont think i can live with that. Just spending time with him is amazing. I dont want to lose that. But its so painful to be so close to him and not have him...
I know its been a long rant, so what do you think i should do?
P.S. sorry for my english
I registered just to share my rent, and ask for advice.
Well i am a research assistant and Phd student. I have recently left my previous advisor (about 2 months ago) and started working with a new one. He has just finished his Phd and i was his first graduate student (actually i started working with him 2 days after he arrived at the school). So he was not at all "professor like" you know(hes just 4 years older than me). From day 1, (though i call him sir), we did not have the typical instructor-student relationship. We are more like friends. After his first classes he asked me, "how was i?", he shared quite a few things about his life with me, so did i, he told me once that we were so similar and even that he saw his old self in me (actually other people at school have told us that we resemble eachother a lot).
Anyway, there is a HUGE but, he has a girlfriend that he is been dating for 7 years (but as far as i know they have no marriage plans, and where i live you do get married after 7 years of relationship). However, i am %100 sure he is gay. He is just so feminine. Even people say that behind his back.
After i found out he had a girlfriend, i tried to hold myself off. I thought his interest in me was in a professional way (you know in academics, the better your students are the better you are, its a mutual advantage). But recently about 2 weeks ago, he told me we could go to America in June and stay there till September (for research purposes of course). I asked if i could bring a friend, he said yes. He then told me he could get us 15 days off so we can tour around the continent going to different states, but he then added "but you will have a friend come by so you could tour with her", and i said nothing.
Another thing i realized is that, once when i got too close to him, he got nervous, started moving too much, looking at the ceiling etc. but he is an anxious person sometimes so i dont know.
This one might sound funny but something that happened very recently is that, about a week ago he had asked me to teach him how to tie a tie. I told him i would love to. He then said he couldve watched youtube videos etc, i said no i will teach you myself. Anyway, about 2 days ago he mailed reminding me to teach him how to tie. I was surprised because you know he could have really learned it from the net very easily within those 5 days. Next day he had an urgent stuation and had to leave early so we couldnt come together, but i know he wanted me to teach him in person.
This is not an affection or anything btw, i LOVE him. Its the first time actually in my whole life that i have fallen in love with someone. We are just so similar. He is everything i like in this life, everything i adore and want to be. Its like he is me and i am him. If he wasnt my superiour id have told him right away. But if i tell him that i love him and i get rejected, he will not want to be my advisor anymore. And i dont think i can live with that. Just spending time with him is amazing. I dont want to lose that. But its so painful to be so close to him and not have him...
I know its been a long rant, so what do you think i should do?
P.S. sorry for my english
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