I need advice

[Anonymous]

This will take a minute to explain but your advice or thoughts are appreciated. I feel like I'm alone here and losing my mind. So this all started about 14 years ago when I got my first computer. I was a straight guy that never questioned that fact. I will never forget though the first time I clicked on "cumshots" when browsing through porn. I saw these women sucking massive cocks and at the end they had huge loads of cum hanging from their faces and in their mouths. Those images awoke something in me. Very quickly I realized that when viewing them I would always imagine I was the woman. I would sometimes try and cum on myself while watching cumshot videos. I was able to keep my urges at bay for a long time but a year ago I came across all these sissy trainer videos and captions. All I could think about was sucking cock. The trouble is that I am not at all attracted to men. I mean I want to suck cocks but I have no interest in kissing or cuddling or having them touch me. I've used some apps to try and hookup but I keep getting cold feet looking for the perfect first. Also I get really into finally hooking up and then the desire goes away and I feel really guilty. A few weeks later or months later it comes back and I find myself looking at cumshot pics dreaming of sucking cock. Am I crazy. What's going on with me. What should I do because this won't go away.