New and need your advice

[LateBloomer]

Hello!

I'm so glad I found an outlet to talk to people. I'm thrilled!

First off, I have never been in a real relationship (other than the 2 months in high school when I was with a girl) and I am 34 years old. Sad, I know. I met a girl when i was 22, but that didn't go anywhere. Ever since then I always thought I would find a girl. However, while this thought was going going through my head, so were thoughts of guys. SInce middle school I have been sexually attracted to guys. In fact, I have masturbated (sorry if inappropriate) to the thought of guys in their underwear since I can remember. WIthin the last few months It's me imagining me having sex with certain guys that I like. In hindsight, I realized that I really have minimal interest in women. I came to a point last year that this constant interest in guys must mean something because I rarely see women that interest me or I find attractive. I can name so many male actors that I find attractive or sexy. I sometimes feel disgusted with myself for liking guys, but usually find another guy that I like. So, I could conclude that I am gay. Truthfully, I could be okay with it but I could also be a little ashamed. Lately I have fantasized/daydreamed/imagined having boyfriend and the things we could do together( cuddle, cook, spend the night at each other's homes, etc) I can truly say that I am interested. I'm pretty sure I would pursue a relationship with the right guy if I had the opportunity. I'm not getting any younger and I feel like life has already passed me by. Even though my horniness lives on I can honestly say that sex for me is within a relationship and not a one night stand. That kind of worries me about dating. I would love to meet someone who wants to meet someone and not just have sex. So I ask you out there: Do you think I am gay? Can you offer places to find quality men? Can you offer advice for dating and finding a boyfriend?

Thanks

Hey again. I'm back with a little more free time.

All right, so listen, basically you have fought HALF the battle.

The first part of the battle is admitting that you're attracted to guys AND you're craving an honest relationship. That's all well and good.

But the other half of your battle is that you lack experience (dating, sex, relationship, etc) therefore you're probably feeling not so confident, maybe even a little insecure.

It would be VERY easy at this point to just clam up and not take any risks. I know, I lived like that for years.

Some people are gonna object to what I suggest but basically I think you're concerned about dating a "quality man" because you're afraid that when he gets to know you he'll be turned off by your lack of experience. That's why it's important to you to find someone who's not just "all about the sex" (my words).

On the other hand, you seem opposed to random hook ups...

So...you have yourself a little conundrum here.

Personally, I'll admit that I was in your shoes at one point. The older I got the more insecure I felt about my lack of experience and I felt too inhibited to pursue something serious with someone that I had strong feelings for. But I eventually got to the point where I was willing to hook up with strangers on the internet simply FOR THE EXPERIENCE. I wasn't searching for a partner, not a first, just for experience.

DISCLAIMER: Everyone will warn you against anonymous internet hook ups. "Stranger Danger" etc...And YES, this is very good, sensible and responsible advice. I offer the same to you: BE VERY CAREFUL.

But I have to be honest, I met some really cool people on the internet for casual sex. Yeah, I also met a few people I didn't want to have anything to do with later. And I also had a lot of my time wasted by people who never showed up or just played games with me.

But I guess my point is, I think MOST guys (gay and straight) need to go through an exploration stage IN ORDER TO DISCOVER who they are, what they like, what they don't like, etc...I mean it's more than just Top or Bottom. It's about GIVING AND RECEIVING.

Quite frankly, after I got some experience, I was "The First" for a couple of other guys and I have to say, the dynamic of being The First can be quite different because it's all about him and his experience at that point.

I guess I'm suggesting that, yes, you MIGHT find a great guy near your age with your same experience level; someone with whom you can BOTH explore, etc....but the chances are very slim. Let's just be honest. More likely, you're gonna meet a great guy with a lot more experience than you and unless he's exceptionally patient and flexible he's already gonna know who he is; what he wants; and he's tired of screwing around and is just looking for someone else like him who ALSO knows who he is; what he wants, etc...

Ok, ok, ok. right now you're saying, "But I DO know who I am and what I want." But I'm telling you, "not really, you really don't." You don't know what really pleases you and what really turns you off, not yet. YOU NEED to have those buttons pushed and YOU NEED to have the SELF AWARENESS of your own reactions, so that when you ARE dating that really great guy and you're moving in close to each other and he's looking for a sign from you trying to figure out what you want, you can communicate it clearly to him with your body or your eyes or your hands because you have already practiced these moves and gotten to know yourself.

If you're lucky he'll read your signs correctly and desire the same thing. This is how chemistry is built. And if it's really good chemistry, the more you practice with your partner the even better it gets.

But FIRST you need to find YOUR style and you can only figure that out by trying a few different ones.

Final caution: what I write is NOT law. It's just my experience. You MIGHT find a great guy who is not interested in sex at first. I'm just saying the odds are against it. And there are SO MANY OTHER challenges to the success of a serious relationship, why not stack the cards in your favor a little bit and do some experimentation with guys who don't mean that much to you at first. Who knows? You might be pleasantly surprised one day.