New and need your advice

[nikgee]

Hello!

I'm so glad I found an outlet to talk to people. I'm thrilled!

First off, I have never been in a real relationship (other than the 2 months in high school when I was with a girl) and I am 34 years old. Sad, I know. I met a girl when i was 22, but that didn't go anywhere. Ever since then I always thought I would find a girl. However, while this thought was going going through my head, so were thoughts of guys. SInce middle school I have been sexually attracted to guys. In fact, I have masturbated (sorry if inappropriate) to the thought of guys in their underwear since I can remember. WIthin the last few months It's me imagining me having sex with certain guys that I like. In hindsight, I realized that I really have minimal interest in women. I came to a point last year that this constant interest in guys must mean something because I rarely see women that interest me or I find attractive. I can name so many male actors that I find attractive or sexy. I sometimes feel disgusted with myself for liking guys, but usually find another guy that I like. So, I could conclude that I am gay. Truthfully, I could be okay with it but I could also be a little ashamed. Lately I have fantasized/daydreamed/imagined having boyfriend and the things we could do together( cuddle, cook, spend the night at each other's homes, etc) I can truly say that I am interested. I'm pretty sure I would pursue a relationship with the right guy if I had the opportunity. I'm not getting any younger and I feel like life has already passed me by. Even though my horniness lives on I can honestly say that sex for me is within a relationship and not a one night stand. That kind of worries me about dating. I would love to meet someone who wants to meet someone and not just have sex. So I ask you out there: Do you think I am gay? Can you offer places to find quality men? Can you offer advice for dating and finding a boyfriend?

Thanks

I told myself today i want to be an observer. I wasn't going to write anything There are so many here with so much more experience than myself. I would hate to lead some one in the wrong direction.

Well I read your post. And what you are describing was my life when I was around your age I am not trying to sound condescending or old lol. If you can bare with me a minute it will all make sense. This would have been 25 years ago for me . To fast forward to now. Very little progress. It does get harder to poke your head out of closet. And the frustration does not go away. It grows.

I am a firm believer we can learn from others and their short comings. If I would have acted on what I was feeling 25 years ago it would have been a lot easier coming out than what I am facing now.

Anyway I have a couple of thoughts to leave you with. One, if you are having question about your sexuality, you probably are gay.If that logic doesn't convince you. then you need yo find out for yourself.There is no literature that can give you 100% answer you need. you can talk to as many people that you can. And no one can tell you for sure whether you are gay or not. The only way to know for sure is to find out for yourself. Not to sound rude or crude , but you got to try it out. If you don't experience it how will you know what you want. Don't wait .The time is now.It doesn't get easier the longer you wait. Believe me.You'll be alright......