08-29-2012, 02:11 PM
Royal, first of all, 
to GaySpeak. I think you're pretty new here.
All the feelings you've had so far seem pretty normal to me and I might even add that I've been through a very similar situation myself. At 4-5, I wanted to wear girl's clothes or princess costumes and got indulged by my mother. It made the adults laugh, but it was not nasty. It didn't last. The next costumes I wanted were Robin Hood and such, so i guess I was over the Snow White phase.
I, like you, had strong connections with the opposite sex and liked their company, maybe not to the extent of having a relationship with one, however. Through university I was still as sexless as anyone who had had no experience at all in the romantic relationship sphere... then I started maturing and unleashing my sexual and romantic feelings as opportunities arose.
My first experience was with a boy, my second with a girl... the former lasted a few months, the latter lasted four years. But all through my ''straight'' period, although I loved the woman in my life, I still felt that I was only killing time. After we broke up, for circumstantial reasons more than for reasons of not getting on, I promised myself I would never lie to myself again and stayed celibate for 18 years.
To cut a long story short, it is possible to feel all the feelings you have and to feel all the same hang ups that you've had. It all very much depends on your environment and circumstances, what you were taught and what you were not taught. Becoming gay, coming out, or realising one is gay is very much a self taught experience, as there are relatively few models around sometimes. It's easier these days with the advent of the Internet, but it's still difficult for many people, as society has also brainwashed us into thinking that we should conform to heterosexual desires and lifestyles.
You may, or may not be gay... if you are sexually aroused and romantically attached to women, then you have at least that part of your sexuality defined, if you are sexually aroused by men but not necessarily attached to them romantically, it may also be because you've never allowed yourself to think that way about a man. It is only when you start letting yourself free of preconceived ideas of what should be and what shouldn't be that you can truly express what sort of relationship would be ideal for you.
For many of us having a sexual and romantic relationship with one person in particular is what we strive for... so either we don't care what gender that person is and go with the flow, or we realise that we can only really be happy with one gender, which makes you either predominantly heterosexual, or predominantly homosexual.
It seems to me that you'd need to experience a little bit with both to know which rocks your boat. In that respect I mean kissing, holding hands, going out with, having sex with (and it doesn't have to be anal sex, some people are not comfortable with that at all, gay or straight). As time goes by, you may find yourself, one day, being in sufficiently good company to want to expand your sexual horizons too, but you should always remember that it's perfectly acceptable to stay within your own personal acceptance boundaries. No one should force you to do anything you don't want to do, or don't feel comfortable doing. Otherwise, it's akin to rape.
Oral sex is a good place to start. You will probably find as much enjoyment giving it as receiving it. Remember, however, that even oral sex is not without risks, in terms of STDs... so remember to read up on a few precautions.
All from me, for now. Take care.
PA
to GaySpeak. I think you're pretty new here.All the feelings you've had so far seem pretty normal to me and I might even add that I've been through a very similar situation myself. At 4-5, I wanted to wear girl's clothes or princess costumes and got indulged by my mother. It made the adults laugh, but it was not nasty. It didn't last. The next costumes I wanted were Robin Hood and such, so i guess I was over the Snow White phase.
I, like you, had strong connections with the opposite sex and liked their company, maybe not to the extent of having a relationship with one, however. Through university I was still as sexless as anyone who had had no experience at all in the romantic relationship sphere... then I started maturing and unleashing my sexual and romantic feelings as opportunities arose.
My first experience was with a boy, my second with a girl... the former lasted a few months, the latter lasted four years. But all through my ''straight'' period, although I loved the woman in my life, I still felt that I was only killing time. After we broke up, for circumstantial reasons more than for reasons of not getting on, I promised myself I would never lie to myself again and stayed celibate for 18 years.
To cut a long story short, it is possible to feel all the feelings you have and to feel all the same hang ups that you've had. It all very much depends on your environment and circumstances, what you were taught and what you were not taught. Becoming gay, coming out, or realising one is gay is very much a self taught experience, as there are relatively few models around sometimes. It's easier these days with the advent of the Internet, but it's still difficult for many people, as society has also brainwashed us into thinking that we should conform to heterosexual desires and lifestyles.
You may, or may not be gay... if you are sexually aroused and romantically attached to women, then you have at least that part of your sexuality defined, if you are sexually aroused by men but not necessarily attached to them romantically, it may also be because you've never allowed yourself to think that way about a man. It is only when you start letting yourself free of preconceived ideas of what should be and what shouldn't be that you can truly express what sort of relationship would be ideal for you.
For many of us having a sexual and romantic relationship with one person in particular is what we strive for... so either we don't care what gender that person is and go with the flow, or we realise that we can only really be happy with one gender, which makes you either predominantly heterosexual, or predominantly homosexual.
It seems to me that you'd need to experience a little bit with both to know which rocks your boat. In that respect I mean kissing, holding hands, going out with, having sex with (and it doesn't have to be anal sex, some people are not comfortable with that at all, gay or straight). As time goes by, you may find yourself, one day, being in sufficiently good company to want to expand your sexual horizons too, but you should always remember that it's perfectly acceptable to stay within your own personal acceptance boundaries. No one should force you to do anything you don't want to do, or don't feel comfortable doing. Otherwise, it's akin to rape.
Oral sex is a good place to start. You will probably find as much enjoyment giving it as receiving it. Remember, however, that even oral sex is not without risks, in terms of STDs... so remember to read up on a few precautions.
All from me, for now. Take care.
PA
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
