Leave someone who is untidy?

[Pix]

I grew up cleaning up after my messy alcoholic 'rents. Even living with Granny I was (like all children) expected to help on the farm (granted, it was mostly light labor like changing the water in the water trough, feeding chickens, collecting eggs, shelling peas, and housework of course, etc) and we didn't even get an allowance for it (that was just "earning room & board" in my family's philosophy). So I developed an attitude like it's brushing teeth and just don't give it anymore thought than that. And I think with me personally there's this quirk that to clean is for me to feel some mastery over my environment. Even when I lived in abandoned buildings as a runaway I had to clean, in part out of habit, mostly because I feared attracting bugs & vermin, but it also made me feel like the place was safer as it was mine rather than a hiding place (even if I realized the feeling was an illusion).

And even now when I clean I feel better, I made a difference, even if a small one (but if I never cleaned then it would eventually become a pit of filth and disease so actually it is a big difference over time). Heck, back when I babysat I always did the first job at $10 an hour (assuming I could raid the pantry if I needed a meal, and sometimes I made meals for kids), and then after I charged an extra $1 per kid babysat, and I was very popular because one thing I'd do while bored is clean up (nothing major, it's more like I'd clean up after myself and the kids I was watching and grab any other dirty dishes lying around as well while I was at it, etc). And once I watched Voyager with a friend and the channel went insane with long commercial breaks which repeated some really annoying ads and just to get away from them I even rinsed off his dishes and put them in the dishwasher during the breaks as I just couldn't stand to sit through them (he's tried getting me to watch Voyager or other shows with him again but there's no way).

Because I do it a lot then keeping things clean (not to say I'm a neat freak, I firmly believe in being clean enough to be healthy but relaxed enough to be happy) really isn't that hard. I actually make the kids clean up after themselves a lot mainly to prepare them for independence rather than I just don't want to do it myself (and if they want extra money they can volunteer to take care of other chores, too).

So I don't mind, as long as my partner (or anyone else) doesn't get stupid about it. Peanut butter on the bed, dirty dishes under the bed, leaving stains on the toilet seat WILL make me bring it up, and back when I allowed smoking under my room everyone knew in no uncertain terms that all it would take is one scorch mark anywhere to be banned from smoking inside my place ever again (though now I don't allow it at all as my partner doesn't like it and we have children). Otherwise it's just my contribution and I get other things in exchange (obviously she'd better be worth it).

Of course women in general are trained to be house cleaners so I suppose that might play a part in why I find it more acceptable to have an untidy partner (that said, the neatest partner I ever had was a guy, though I suspect that was part of his gender bending and it made him feel more like a woman, and I've been with women who are utter slobs and heard of much worse that boggles my mind and makes me question their sanity).