I'm not worth this much energy

[GossamerMoon]

You may think he's out of line, but that doesn't make him wrong. I knew I wasn't certain about this relationship early enough to stop it, but I got scared of losing a potential friend and making another person cry.

Just now chiming in here... I think this is the core of the situation.

I see several people completely ripping this guy's throat out, and I think everyone needs to stop and take a breath.

Here are my observations...

Counselor, you came in, and you put it out there: "I did something stupid." You laid out the situation, and you asked: "How do I comfort him without reinforcing his attachment?!"

I'm not going to analyze all the things that went into this. You have clearly done so, and I think you have answered most of your questions. I can tell you're kicking your own ass over it, too. Between the "I did something stupid" and "I got scared," you made a lot of questionable choices, and you feel guilty. This just shows you're *gasp* human.

Out of all the responses, I want to say that the best (IMO) is: Say you're sorry and be honest.

There's no other way to say it, and you know it: You fucked up. It sounds like you have already tried to tell him that, and your guilt is making it hard to step back.

My advice--take it or leave it--tell him you two must not communicate any longer. Tell him you are going to block his texts and Facebook, and that it's because he needs to move on. It will feel awful, but I think you're at the point where this needs to happen. It also sounds like the kid has a lot more going on in his life that is making him clingy, which has exacerbated the situation. He needs counseling. As long as you keep responding to his messages, there's going to be that slight glimmer, however unintended, that there's hope.

As to your own future, I hope that you are able to take this, learn from it, and never allow this to happen again. I get the feeling that you got that lesson and are feeling it in spades.

Before you get into another relationship, set some key standards for yourself. What is and is not acceptable in dating? If you feel you are about to string someone alone, you know what to do.

I feel like I'm missing something, but I suddenly have some distractions (child 1 and child 2), so I have to go. If I remember what it was, I'll come back in after a bit.

Just want to add: Don't beat yourself up for too long. If you screw up, it's right to feel guilty. This is your self-correction. But don't dwell on it, or your own recovery will take much longer.