Are gay men capable of monogamy?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hey Bob thanks for the post.

Let me answer your last point first if I may. Completely agree that trying to manage the situation from another continent isn't going to work, so Ive already arranged to fly home at the end of this week to try and sort things out between us (12 hour flight)

Regarding evidence, I think Blue has hit the nail on the head on this one. How many of us have ignored that little voice of doubt or the out of the ordinary behaviour, only to find out later (sometimes much later) that they were well founded signs and everyone then says why didn't you know.... I prefer to try and fix things before they totally spiral out of control if possible, hence my proactive stance on this.

I think the seven year itch is universally recognised, but Im not entirely convinced if its fact or fiction....And we have been a couple for 8, so I figured we had passed that particular milestone!

The previous cheating was over 5 years ago, I think at some point you have to put it behind you and rebuild trust, otherwise your relationship is doomed from that point and you may as well cut your losses and give up there and then.

Your comment on monogamy is an interesting one. Im a 20 year military man (ex military now) and FYI LGBT relationships are recognised in the UK military and a number of other European military organisations. As an aside I was married for 14 years and completely monogamous for a very significant part of that. But your point is well made, I think Ive carried over my "family values" definition of monogamy into my gay relationships because its what Ive always done. Perhaps thats an unrealistic stance to take in a 21st century internet enabled world, where the temptation to stray is almost everywhere you look.

And yes he did know what he was getting into, although to be fair in the early days my international trips were short and more often than not he came with me. But I was already a senior company exec when we met, so travel was part of our life together almost from the get go. I had a couple of years of almost no international travel but that has changed over the last 18 months or so to the point where I am now on assignment for 13 months.

There are a couple of options regarding being on assignment: I can cut it short by a few months or he can come out and join me full time at the companies expense, although that would mean he gives up his job, not something he wants to do as we have previously discussed that option - plus Africa is extremely anti-gay to the point of extreme violence and prosecution etc. Changing jobs is an option, but in todays current financial climate its hard to walk away from a solid job thats built up 5 years of benefits, including LGBT partner ones. But yes, I value my relationship more than my job, so its on the table for discussion, but taking a step as large as that would require significant commitment from him towards our relationship.

So in short Bob, your post has given me a lot to think about. Thanks for that.