How are you today?

[Yosuke]

I severely need a rant, because keeping everything inside just isnt good at all. I've been ready for a relationship for about three years now, and I've tried everything. I've tried putting myself out there on online sites. I've tried actively searching for guys at school. I've tried the whole "it'll happen when you least expect it" approach. Recently, I just put myself out on a limb and started chatting with a guy who was from school...tonight we talked and he turned out to be straight. The only guys who seem to be into me are the ones I physically cannot bring myself to be attracted to. My friend who is a girl said there is nothing wrong with my personality or looks, she says I'm great on both counts, but I just can't seem to get a break of any sort. I'm tired of seeing gay and straight couples surrounding me every day. Even if I came out (even though I'm technically not 'in' the closet) completely, I don't think anything would change. After five years of this, I'm losing hope. The few attractive guys who have returned the feelings never end up being anything more than one night things, and I've resorted to sleeping with guys who I'm physically repelled by just to feel close to someone. And it just makes things worse. I don't need advice or 'it'll get better' sentiments, though they are appreciated...I just needed somewhere to rant. Finals week doesnt make anything better.