01-20-2014, 10:15 PM
I've not got a particular question I want answered, as such, I'm merely looking for peoples opinions on a situation I'm in and am looking for advice on how to proceed...
This is a kind of long story, so I guess I should start from the beginning:
I met this guy called Macauley about 6 years ago now, and we quickly became great friends and are now practically inseparable... Well to cut a really long story short... We started to do stuff with each other whenever I was over at his house about a year ago... I can't really remember how it started happening, but it started out as kind of fore-play stuff like jerking each other off and such... And we'd do this every time I stayed at his house... It soon progressed to me giving him head (we're both clean, so unsafe sex isn't an issue). And more recently it's become that and more... Like we've not actually had anal sex yet, but we've kind of alluded to it with humping and teasing and the like...
All of that sounds like a perfectly normal thing to be happening in a relationship... BUT THAT'S EXACTLY MY PROBLEM, we've never once spoken a word about our nighttime activities to anyone, not even each other... When we're in bed with each other the most noise you'll hear is deep breathing or the occasional sharp breath... And as soon as we're finished we just go to sleep without a word or a kiss or anything... The next morning we'll wake up and he'll act as if nothing has even happened... And this happens every time.
Another spanner in the works is that Macauley and myself are not out, not even to each other... The only person I've even told about my Pansexuality is one girl called Nina... Although I am almost certain that Macauley is something other that straight (considering the mix of straight and gay porn in his browser history and out late night activities), the fact he hasn't told anyone leads me to believe he is uncomfortable with this side of himself, which may be why he doesn't want to discuss what we do...
I personally have quite strong feelings for Macauley and would love to talk to him about it and maybe even take our relationship to the next level if that's what he wants... But I fear that if I bring it up and he isn't comfortable with it, that it might ruin our friendship/relationship...
And just to complicate it even more it seems that currently Macauley has a pretty large crush on a girl... But all throughout this crush he's still been sleeping with me... Which is just immensely confusing... He's not even mentioned having feelings for a guy before...
It's occurring to me now that he might just be using me as a devise to explore his gay side, as a kind of non-payed friend-prostitute so that he can sleep with a guy while still pursuing women, and under NO circumstances will I allow that to continue... I'm currently still a virgin and if he's going to have full-on anal sex with me and take that part of me away then I don't just want it to be completely meaningless for him. He himself is not a virgin, he lost it to a girl a few months ago, but describes the matter as absolutely intolerable, and completely hated the experience (with that girl at least, it hasn't seemed to publicly deter him from liking women).
Does anyone possible have an idea of what might be going on, what do you think after reading all that? Any comments you'd like to make on the situation? Anything is welcome, and thanks in advance!
This is a kind of long story, so I guess I should start from the beginning:
I met this guy called Macauley about 6 years ago now, and we quickly became great friends and are now practically inseparable... Well to cut a really long story short... We started to do stuff with each other whenever I was over at his house about a year ago... I can't really remember how it started happening, but it started out as kind of fore-play stuff like jerking each other off and such... And we'd do this every time I stayed at his house... It soon progressed to me giving him head (we're both clean, so unsafe sex isn't an issue). And more recently it's become that and more... Like we've not actually had anal sex yet, but we've kind of alluded to it with humping and teasing and the like...
All of that sounds like a perfectly normal thing to be happening in a relationship... BUT THAT'S EXACTLY MY PROBLEM, we've never once spoken a word about our nighttime activities to anyone, not even each other... When we're in bed with each other the most noise you'll hear is deep breathing or the occasional sharp breath... And as soon as we're finished we just go to sleep without a word or a kiss or anything... The next morning we'll wake up and he'll act as if nothing has even happened... And this happens every time.
Another spanner in the works is that Macauley and myself are not out, not even to each other... The only person I've even told about my Pansexuality is one girl called Nina... Although I am almost certain that Macauley is something other that straight (considering the mix of straight and gay porn in his browser history and out late night activities), the fact he hasn't told anyone leads me to believe he is uncomfortable with this side of himself, which may be why he doesn't want to discuss what we do...
I personally have quite strong feelings for Macauley and would love to talk to him about it and maybe even take our relationship to the next level if that's what he wants... But I fear that if I bring it up and he isn't comfortable with it, that it might ruin our friendship/relationship...
And just to complicate it even more it seems that currently Macauley has a pretty large crush on a girl... But all throughout this crush he's still been sleeping with me... Which is just immensely confusing... He's not even mentioned having feelings for a guy before...
It's occurring to me now that he might just be using me as a devise to explore his gay side, as a kind of non-payed friend-prostitute so that he can sleep with a guy while still pursuing women, and under NO circumstances will I allow that to continue... I'm currently still a virgin and if he's going to have full-on anal sex with me and take that part of me away then I don't just want it to be completely meaningless for him. He himself is not a virgin, he lost it to a girl a few months ago, but describes the matter as absolutely intolerable, and completely hated the experience (with that girl at least, it hasn't seemed to publicly deter him from liking women).
Does anyone possible have an idea of what might be going on, what do you think after reading all that? Any comments you'd like to make on the situation? Anything is welcome, and thanks in advance!
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
