this is how i feel

[Aike]

There is nothing wrong with being a social person, i.e. needing the company of other people. You might be just the type of a person who can really feel wholly himself only in relationship to other people in your life. You said that you live to take care of other people, to support them and help them. Perhaps you could try thinking of this as something that makes who you truly are? You don't need to deny this part of yourself in the name of some great virtuousness of self-reliance. People relying on each other is a social fact. Embrace it.

What sounds like a problem to me is how you're afraid to open up to other people in the fear of getting hurt or unloading your problems onto other people. It shouldn't be the case that people can only rely on you while you can't rely on them. What seems to be lacking in your case is trust: the feeling that you can be safe in the company of others. I do not know any other way to build your trust in other people than to actually practice it. There's no guarantee it will work but you really need to try sharing your deepest thoughts and problems with others. Try thinking of it like this: unloading your problems onto others might be a burden on them but they might also welcome it. When others open up about their problems to you, it's a sign that they trust you and recognize you as a person who they can share their secrets with. They might be flattered if you do the same to them.