People Asking For Money

[Buzzer]

This isn't a post that has anything to do with being gay but its something that's been on my mind. I can't tell you how many times I get stopped in the street asking if I have spare change, I wanted to post this to get some thoughts by my fellow users here of how they handle the situation if they've ever been in it. First and foremost, I don't like to lie. When asked for change, sometimes I've given it, sometimes I've tried ignoring the person asking, and sometimes I say "Oh I don't have any change, sorry". And nearly every time I say I don't have any, I usually do, and I feel bad that I just lied, and not just that, some people not all that ask for change I think really are homeless, and I think to myself, "What if that's me 1 day?". In a situation like this, is there really a right or wrong answer? A few times I've been asked and I didn't feel bad about saying I didn't have any because I could tell the person asking was going to blow whatever change I might have given them towards booze/drugs. To anyone that might read this, and has been in this situation, how do you handle it? Like to get some opinions.

I don't have all the answers to all the questions here, but I did want to address one thing because it comes up a LOT and I think it's something that sorta "divides" people in terms of their attitude about giving to others.

If you choose to give, do it because you want to help the person who's in a bad situation. Not because you feel assured (or not assured) that it will be put to a specific "good use." This doesn't just apply to panhandlers of course... many people (wisely) give the advice that if you loan or give money to family or friends... regard it as a gift. Don't keep tabs on what they spend it on, and don't expect to be paid back. Part with it only if you are okay with the possibility of never seeing it again, and possibly finding out it was spent on something you wouldn't have regarded as a good thing to spend on.

Too often I feel that "they'll probably just use it for booze/drugs" is too many people's justification for never giving or helping, and even for opposing safety nets or programs that give or help. There's no guarantee when you give to a panhandler they won't use it to get liquor or something-- just like there's no guarantee your friend won't when he asks to borrow $20, or you won't when you get $50 in a card for your birthday from your aunt. Remember that plenty of "normal", functional everyday people are chemically dependant as well-- even if it's very well hidden.

So long story short... do it if you want to make their day a little tiny bit easier and you feel comfortable parting with the money. You're giving to an individual, not to a charity devoted to spending money for a specific "constructive cause", so it's just an individual act of generosity. There's no way to know how it will be used by any stranger, and so your giving shouldn't be contingent on how they'll use it, just on your wish to help.

Like you, I'd also like to hear a good way to avoid (without just rudely ignoring) panhandlers when I am not comfortable giving. I've never found a good way apart from lying.