Please Please gimme some advice..im going mad!

[fredv3b]

Babyboy, your thanks is appreciated. Some, I don't doubt, of us had advice when we needed it and wish to pass the favour on, others didn't have that advice and wouldn't leave you, or anyone else, in the same boat.

I think I'll reply to your if a bit of a reverse order.

There is NO-ONE i can talk to about this and to be honest never felt the need up until now.No friends or family would accept it, and i dont blame them for it either.

First you can talk to US. I accept family is a different kettle of fish but why would none of your friends accept your sexuality and, more importantly, why don't you blame them for it? Surely your friends should accept you for who you are. You seem to be very good a putting other people's feelings ahead of your own, whilst that is very noble, sometimes you have to accept that you and your happiness is important too.

You're right, being Indian is actually relevant to the issue. 'Cos there is so much more social pressure to conform to the 'traditional ideal' both on you and on your family. That said, they don't say blood is thinker than water for nothing, families can often be surprising in how they stick together.

I just think having someone like him in my life would change everything!

Sounds to me like getting to know him is turning out to be a bit of a life changing experience, even though nothing has or will happen between you. You now realise how happy you could be with the right guy in your life, trust me I know from current experience how wonderful it is. Which brings me to my main point, are you really going to deny yourself the chance of that for the rest of your life?

Coming out is NOT an option, I would rather sacrafice my own happiness than do that to my family. Being an indian, theres shame that you would bring to your family and it can never happen. Ive thought many times about running away and starting a whole new life abroad even but im far too much of a coward and most importantly love my family to that to them...

If you really feel that coming out to your family is not and will never be an option perhaps you need to move away? I'm not suggesting running away to another country just finding a job in another part of a country, moving there and being able to live a life that your family doesn't know about.

However that is a long way ahead, if it is indeed ahead. I think Marshlander's suggestion of joining a gay social group is an excellent one. It would give you the chance to meet people, talk, etc. and, more impartantly, think about what sort of life you want to lead.

And by the way not that is should make a difference but this guy is also white...

If it doesn't make a difference to you what's the problem?