Please Please gimme some advice..im going mad!

[babyboy]

Again thanks so much for your replies, i dont know why but it feels very weird that you guys are replying simply because ive never written anything like this before and also because i find it new that people are willing to help me even though they dont know me.

Well went to work today, and to be honest ive been thinking to myself that I will not even think about this guy today but ALL day all i thought about was him...i kept looking when will i see him next. I went over near his desk but didnt look at him or speak but im sure he was looking at me! normally he always goes past my desk but ALL day he didnt even do that which made me feel abit sad i suppose as I really wanted him to speak to me but at the same time I felt petrified of him coming over please dont ask me why as I dont know myself!

I just want to say please dont think you guys are offending me when asking about my indian heritage as I know there is a huge difference between ignorance and not knowing things...well that answer to the arranged marriage is No...my parents arnt strict in that sense and to be honest alot of stuff you guys may head is nothing but a myth ive never come across anyone that has been FORCED to get married if it does happen im just as oblivious that as some of you may be. Arranged marriage sounds so stupid when you think about it, i dont even know why its called that. Nothing is ARRANGED if anything two families may introduce a couple and they take it from there, just like two friends introducing their friends on a blind date! My parents will NEVER force me to marry - but that does not mean they will EVER accept me as a gay person either. They are quite religious, and being an indian their comes a certain responsibility with it. Shame as indians is the worst thing, being gay will bring shame. I know people think im putting my parents feeling before mine...its true but i dont mind honestly. Theyve done alot for me, surely i can do this for them and just keep quite. As a person im not very confident ill be very honest, i dont know why but I never have been...even though people might say im very good looking etc i dont feel like it, i feel very depressed with life - this is another subject but i feel like ive had shitty life im always down and feel like nothing goes right for me which is why when this guy came in the picture it just made me feel different - it made me feel like i could maybe have happiness for once in my life but its not going to happen i dont think. its taken me this long in my life to like someone, i cant imgaine liking anyone else or if i did it wont be for a while. Just to answer your question marshlander no i was born in england and bought up here.

I know what you guys are saying about coming out but to me honesly that has never even been an option, i just dont see it happening. Even if my friends or family came round to it, i would always feel like the shame and even the dirty one for being who I am...stupid i know. And shadow thanks for your reply some things you said have made me feel better as have the other replies...i need to get this guy out of my head and QUICK! :-(

I think Fred you may have hit the nail on the head when you talked about life changing experience because it seems like this one guy has opened up the tin of worms and its made me think more and more about certain things! BiPenny thanks for your offer as well Ill keep that in mind...