Dating/Friendship Advice

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For your sake I hope he does come around and realize how much you care for him (that will give me hope in my own situation too). But if not, knowing that you've set an endpoint will help you in the long run.

This may be me hijacking this thread and my experience in this stuff is non existent so if this sounds like nonsense, chances are high it is lol. I've said before you and I are in similar situations. For the last several weeks, I've been dealing with bouts of severe anxiety, wasn't sleeping well and possibly touching on depression (I'm a very emotionless person too which goes to show how bad I was) at times because all I would do is think about if/how into me the other guy is, what I was doing wrong and what could I do to improve my chances. Fact of the matter is, there's nothing I needed to change, he's not wanting to date yet, he enjoys hanging out with me and we have a good time when we do. I need to accept that and, as he told me a few weeks ago, I need to sit back, relax and "just let things happen". I realize you haven't got to the "hanging out stage" but still kind of applies.

Anyway about 3-4 days ago I sat down and started thinking about what was happening. I mean really thinking about it. I ended up repeatedly telling myself that it is not my place to pick who likes me and how much if they do. I continued to realize that I was almost starting to get upset at him because of the way I was feeling while he seemed to be virtually unfazed by it all. At that point I realized just how messed up I was making myself. If I like a guy so much that I actually get angry at him for my own self-induced suffering then what the hell am I doing?

I can't really explain how I did it, it kind of just hit me right around then that I needed to drop the expectations of being something more (at least for now) and get back to enjoying him as a good friend. One who I am very lucky to know and have in my life, regardless of future events. Since then it has been night and day, I kid you not. No anxiety, no heart-sinking feelings, I've been sleeping better and it seems to have happened just like that. I guess I'm saying that to let you learn from my errors and grant you something to look forward to if this doesn't work out. You will get over it. It may take you a good 4-6 weeks like me (maybe longer, who knows) but eventually it will happen and you'll feel amazing and be so proud of yourself knowing that you made it though and in by doing so, you will ultimately be better off.

(I credit a lot of my "epiphany" to the people on this blog, specifically those that who replied to this particular thread. This is truly a wonderful resource and the advice, while not always what you want to hear, is top notch and has been incredibly helpful. Abuse it. As long as there are people here willing to help, there's nothing to lose and everything to gain).

Cheers and best of luck as always,
--pman117

I felt exactly the same way as you, and in all honesty i was getting upset at him for my own emotions. Im an over thinker, and what i really need to do is take a big step back and learn to control my feelings.

My message to him was unprovoked by him, but mainly because I was stressed out by another event that had happened in my life and to compensate, I sent that message. Being honest about it, it was my fault and ive come to terms with him about it. Maybe i couldn't handle leaving him, or maybe i truly did know i lashed out for no reason. but whatever it is, right now im at peace with myself and him, and i can actually move on slowly with my life, which has been on halt for quite some time.

Really appreciate you sharing your story, because it's given me another way to handle this situation, which i have been rather blind about. and to everyone who has provided their advice, it is so generous and supportive of you all, and i cannot imagine having to gone through this without any kind of support outside of people who know me.