I need advice

[MikeW]

...What should I do because this won't go away.

Sounds like you fall into the category of what I call a "bent" straight boy.

Trust me, you're NOT the only one. In that link I talk about one I'm seeing, "Tickle Boy," on a regular basis. There is no doubt in my mind that he is *straight* but there's also no doubt either in his mind or my own that he is "bent"... meaning that he has a particular kink or fetish that involves erotic experiences with another man.

We have formed a bond and a "kind of" relationship. Hard to explain. We're not exactly friends and we're not exactly lovers... (although as time goes on we're becoming a bit more of both in an odd way). What there is, is a high level of communication and mutual respect of one another's boundaries. This is what you need to get your head around. You CAN have what you want. BUT you have to let yourself have it without fear, guilt or shame. Of course you can't just 'drop' a lifetime of both... you have to begin to set up a situation where you CAN at least experiment with what you think you want.

Others here have made suggestions. The most important thing is to be clear in your own mind, and clear with whomever you're going to experiment with, *exactly* what you want and do not want. What you will do and will not do. Then you have to 'correspond' with the potential guy. Tickle Boy emailed back and forth with me for two weeks before we began to IM. Then, it took another week of IMing for us to agree to meet. He *really* checked me out to make sure I would ACTUALLY honor his boundaries.

TB has to get pretty smashed (drunk) to allow himself to have this kind of experience. I'm not recommending this, just saying that this is what HE has to do to get to a point where he can begin to let his inhibitions down enough to ALLOW himself to be touched by another man in the way he wants. At this point he's very comfortable with me... and he will even allow me to tie him down and blind fold him. But, again, this is what he wants... he just has to loosen himself up to get to the point where he can allow it to happen!

Don't know what would work for you (I'm not an alcohol fan, myself) but I've heard good things about Red Monkey.

Good luck and if you need more help or hand-holding, don't be afraid to ask for it here. Also, you don't need to wear a sack over your head.