Im not sure if its ok to get a girlfriend

[Doc]

Ok so some of my posts were lost in moderation, so here is part of the reason I'm afraid of coming out and why I am the way I am.

Here is some of my story

When I was a kid from 1st or 2nd grade until my junior year of highschool I was picked on; for no reason other than that I was smaller than everybody else and the bullies thought I would be an easy target. I got in 1 or 2 fights a week for most of my childhood, that type of thing can make a person very aggressive. I got to the point where I was starting preemptive fights with people I though might give me a hard time. I tried to look as tough as I could at all times I never cried, I didnt like wearing winter coats even if I was cold, anything I could do to make me look tougher than the next guy. Thats the reason I dont cry, dont like being touched in public, and Im mean and violent. I was ridiculed and picked on for most of my life. I had one guy friend in highschool and he is still my best friend. As soon as I graduated I enlisted in the Army and it was the first time in my life that I was treated well. I made alot of friends and I liked the Army because of the comradery and it is a merit based system especially in combat arms. There is a little favoritism in the Army but not like in the civilian world. I also met the first man I was ever with in the Army.

I fear that if I come out that I will be picked on all over again and I couldnt bear it this time. That is also why Im afraid of having a husband and a family. What if I had a little boy and the kids at school beat him up because he had two daddys? I know what its like to be picked on and I wouldnt want it for anyone else. I know how cruel children can be.

I should also mention that when I was in the Army I was a very nice person.