Im not sure if its ok to get a girlfriend

[Doc]

Yeah Ive sort of realized that, but I have decided to not do anything until I can figure out who I am. Thats means no dating men or women. I'd love to have a gal pal but to be honest Im a bit intimidated by lesbians. Ive posted some more in depth comments here but I still awaiting approval

[Camfer]

Hey Doc, go to this thread below and post 29 times. It'll take you 15 minutes and *boom* you are off moderation!

https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=33610

[Darius]

Doc you need a gay male friend that you can be yourself with. Someone you can express your fears and concerns to.With someone like that, eventually you will realize that being gay is not some kind of freak of nature. It will help you accept yourself and prepare you for a bf.

[Doc]

I think we are a long long way from a bf, I dont know if I will ever be prepared for that. But Im headed to Baltimore for the holidays and I heard thats a super gay place.

[Doc]

Ok so some of my posts were lost in moderation, so here is part of the reason I'm afraid of coming out and why I am the way I am.

Here is some of my story

When I was a kid from 1st or 2nd grade until my junior year of highschool I was picked on; for no reason other than that I was smaller than everybody else and the bullies thought I would be an easy target. I got in 1 or 2 fights a week for most of my childhood, that type of thing can make a person very aggressive. I got to the point where I was starting preemptive fights with people I though might give me a hard time. I tried to look as tough as I could at all times I never cried, I didnt like wearing winter coats even if I was cold, anything I could do to make me look tougher than the next guy. Thats the reason I dont cry, dont like being touched in public, and Im mean and violent. I was ridiculed and picked on for most of my life. I had one guy friend in highschool and he is still my best friend. As soon as I graduated I enlisted in the Army and it was the first time in my life that I was treated well. I made alot of friends and I liked the Army because of the comradery and it is a merit based system especially in combat arms. There is a little favoritism in the Army but not like in the civilian world. I also met the first man I was ever with in the Army.

I fear that if I come out that I will be picked on all over again and I couldnt bear it this time. That is also why Im afraid of having a husband and a family. What if I had a little boy and the kids at school beat him up because he had two daddys? I know what its like to be picked on and I wouldnt want it for anyone else. I know how cruel children can be.

I should also mention that when I was in the Army I was a very nice person.

[Darius]

Thanks for sharing that, Doc. Childhood cruelty can often bring damage into adulthood.
You can't anticipate every conceivable probable, however. It's possible you could marry a woman and have a child and he got picked on for being small, too. It wouldn't be your sexuality that did it.
You can't live tomorrow today.
The Army experience shows that you are a different person in the right environment....the kind of person others like and you liked yourself. You can get better and will if you are determined to.

[Camfer]

Hey [MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION], thanks for sharing more of your story and your concerns and fears.

At some point you are going to have to figure out what parts of your personality are defensive strategies from the schoolyard and elsewhere and what parts of your personality are the real you. Since no society fully embraces same sex attraction, those of us who have that attraction have had to devise strategies to function in the real world. As adults who want to be the best we can, we need to assess if the strategies continue to serve us, or are even needed at all anymore.

For example, I live in a rural area, and it took a long time for me to correct everyone who would make a statement under the assumption I was a straight man. Now when people ask about my family, I tell them first about my boyfriend, tell them I have no children, and then I talk about my dear sister and my two nephews. It wasn't always that way. There was a time when I just said I was single and left it at that. Now I am so strong in who I am and so proud of my relations, it comes out of me in a positive, forceful way, without me even thinking about it.

A kid born tomorrow will have a very different experience in school than you did 20 years ago. There are plenty of places you could live in the US where a 2-dad family is no big deal at all, and where a school would be vigilant to ensure your theoretical child you have with your theoretical husband was in a safe learning environment.

There might be a few milestones along the way before the husband and the kid. But big changes can happen quickly!

[Doc]

Hey [MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION],

At some point you are going to have to figure out what parts of your personality are defensive strategies from the schoolyard and elsewhere and what parts of your personality are the real you. Since no society fully embraces same sex attraction, those of us who have that attraction have had to devise strategies to function in the real world. As adults who want to be the best we can, we need to assess if the strategies continue to serve us, or are even needed at all anymore.

I agree with you 100% and I feel the my over the top exaggerated masculinity is a part of my personality now. If you do something long enough it becomes a part of who you are. Its like when I first started to drink whiskey I hated it, but its what tough guys do so I kept at it, and now I quite like it. But you are totally right my personality as it is now did arise as a defensive strategy.

I know that my short temper and eagerness for finding violent solutions to my problems can go. I'd love to work on my issue with being touched in public but I dont know thats a big one for me. I know from experience that my eagerness to fist fight everyone has led alot of people to not wanting to be around me, and that is something I need work on.

[Doc]

I think I've found my girl !

Ok so I don't know if you guys remember me talking about how I'm romantically attracted to women but not sexually and how I'm sexually attracted to men but usually not romantically. I've had girlfriends in the past and I enjoyed everything but the sex. Well I just met a girl that who is 95% lesbian but she is open to a relationship with a man. The best part is she has that androgynous boyish look to her that I love and she's absolutely adorable. She doesn't know I'm gay yet, so I'd like to get to know her better before I tell her. Im so excited.

Its funny I had completely given up on finding a girl and one just pops into my life.

[Darius]

You are going to miss the cock, Doc.