To the Atheists w/ a Religious Past : That Nostalgic Feeling

[Sherman8D]

Past: Seven years ago when I was a Junior in highschool, I considered myself a close follower of Jesus Christ. I used to go to my Pentecostal church every Sunday and Wednesday. I loved my church community, but I was also struggling with my sexuality -- which they consider a sin. I tried my best to not like men, but it was futile in the end. I had to admit that I was gay and this is who I am no matter what. I didn’t want to feel disgusted with myself anymore, so I stopped going to my church altogether. I did consider believing that Jesus loves gay people, but so many people including my mom have programmed my mind to believe that being gay is a sin that I would feel false/fake. I value honesty and authenticity from myself and others. So, I could not bring myself to go to a church that accepts gay people. Then during my college years, I learned so many things about this world and believed less and less of God. And so I met the fork in the road. Either I believe in God all the way OR not believe at all. I chose the latter.

To this day, my ex-church family does not know why I left them. Nor do they know that I'm gay and an atheist.

Now: I only have one connection with the church and that is my friend, Stacy. Occasionally, we still hangout and discuss our current lives. She invited me to her wedding recently (It's not her "real wedding" though. That will be after her baby is born). She assured me that no one from the church will go, just her friends and family, so I went. Apparently, her wedding was not in the altar where church services are conducted, but in the large dining room.

Then I snuck into the altar area because it has been 3 years since I came to my church. All of the lights were off, so I turned on my flashlight phone app. Then everything seemed to come to life to me. The more I wandered around, the more I remembered. Every person, every skit, every holiday celebration, all of the pleasant things. It was a nostalgic feeling.

Ofcourse, it might have been completely different had I outed myself to my church community. But I didn't. That's why I have these feelings now. My ex-church family was good to me. And sometimes I tell myself "maybe if they didn't believe that being gay is a sin, I would still believe in a God." Don't get me wrong though. I have no intention of going back. I'm perfectly happy with who I am now. So for the curious theists, please don't suggest I go back, this post is not about that.

[COLOR="Blue"]I wanted to know if anybody has felt this way too. If so, tell me what triggered your nostalgia and how you ultimately feel about the whole thing.
Maybe this is a sensitive topic though. So it would not surprise me if no one responds.[/COLOR]