06-15-2017, 03:50 PM
Hello, [MENTION=24534]newtothis32[/MENTION], and 
to GaySpeak.
I agree with a lot of what has been said but it seems to me that you're definitely more 'together' than this person and that even if you are not out (it takes a while to be comfortable with the idea that one is literally attracted to someone of one's own gender) you know a little more about what you want than he does and more importantly you are more in tune with who you are and how you handle your own shame and self loathing, which, apparently, he doesn't. I'm not saying you are self hating but that is something that we all have to contend with at some point when we realise that we are not the straight person everyone else assumed we might be. It is rare for there not to be some kind of mental turmoil going on in our heads and hearts (and maybe other parts,
) so it seems to me that you have a better grip on what you two mean to each other than he does, and I can only think of it being his lack of grip on his own internal homophobia. So it was fine to out you while drunk but then he doesn't want it to be admitted that the two of you have a relationship even though you certainly have, whatever you wish to call what connection exists between you.
The thing is it's playing with your emotions and feelings and that's not very cool. Men can be such pricks sometimes. Try to draw the line, because he clearly doesn't know where the line is, and keep it that way until you can move on to something else.
Maybe you should establish some rules nonetheless, regardless of the way you name your relationship. You can ask him not to out you in public. You can ask him not to call you his boyfriend unless the two of you have agreed that you are. You can ask him to do all sorts of other things to clean up his act. You have no guarantee, of course, that he'll enforce any of them, but if he doesn't, he's been warned, and I daresay you can keep your distance if you see he doesn't respect your wishes.
to GaySpeak. I agree with a lot of what has been said but it seems to me that you're definitely more 'together' than this person and that even if you are not out (it takes a while to be comfortable with the idea that one is literally attracted to someone of one's own gender) you know a little more about what you want than he does and more importantly you are more in tune with who you are and how you handle your own shame and self loathing, which, apparently, he doesn't. I'm not saying you are self hating but that is something that we all have to contend with at some point when we realise that we are not the straight person everyone else assumed we might be. It is rare for there not to be some kind of mental turmoil going on in our heads and hearts (and maybe other parts,
) so it seems to me that you have a better grip on what you two mean to each other than he does, and I can only think of it being his lack of grip on his own internal homophobia. So it was fine to out you while drunk but then he doesn't want it to be admitted that the two of you have a relationship even though you certainly have, whatever you wish to call what connection exists between you. The thing is it's playing with your emotions and feelings and that's not very cool. Men can be such pricks sometimes. Try to draw the line, because he clearly doesn't know where the line is, and keep it that way until you can move on to something else.
Maybe you should establish some rules nonetheless, regardless of the way you name your relationship. You can ask him not to out you in public. You can ask him not to call you his boyfriend unless the two of you have agreed that you are. You can ask him to do all sorts of other things to clean up his act. You have no guarantee, of course, that he'll enforce any of them, but if he doesn't, he's been warned, and I daresay you can keep your distance if you see he doesn't respect your wishes.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
