Top and bottom problem, really need advice

[colinmackay]

are you telling me that I should turn him more gay?

You can't turn someone gay. He is simply in denial about being gay as far as I can see.

if I let him like the way he is now, he would get marriage with a girl, have cute little family of his own and happiness for himself. I really want him to be happy even it will break my heart.

Curiously, I tried to do that to myself some years ago. Almost got married, too.

Would it have made me happy? Outwardly, I might have appeared so. Inwardly, I'd be just as miserable as ever. I'd have done everything society wanted from me. I should feel happy. I would have had a wife. Society wants a man to have a wife. I would even have had children. Society would have wanted me to have children. Society would have wanted me to have a lovely family.

Was that what I wanted? At the time I thought so. That's why I was going through the motions. In hindsight, no it wasn't.

I am now closer to want I actually want. I have a few issues I still need to resolve, but my life is now going in the direction it should be. Most importantly, I am out. I have said to the world this is who I am, accept me or eff-off!

So, in many respects, your friend sounds like he was where I was a few years ago, with the exception that he is already having sex with men. Knowing the mental gymnastics I went through to keep myself in denial (and I wasn't doing that) it boggles my mind how he can think of himself as straight and still regularly have sex with men.

The only reason that he does not have a girl friend now is because he is busy with finishing with his degree in the next few months and also he is kind of too shy for party and stuff. (or maybe because I am being selfish and try to lure him away from girl sometimes). Part of me really scare that after he found out how good it is to have sex with a girl ( to be honest, I took his virginity and after that he does not have sex with any one but me ), and gets bored with me. But I want the good stuff for him also.
That is why I am so stuck here (

How about if he finds out that he doesn't like having sex with a girl?

My boyfriend asked what it was like to have sex with a girl. I must say my response to him was somewhat flippant. I said, "it's like chucking a sausage up an alleyway" (Actually, I used something more in the Scots vernacular, but the message was the same). In seriousness, there is a difference. I find that with my boyfriend, we are more attuned to one another. Our bodies operate on a more similar level and we can tune in more easily. We understand what works and not works more instinctively. A woman could never do that because she can never have the necessary experience to know.