Should I tell my girlfriend?

[marshlander]

Honesty is over-rated, but lying isn't always the answer. If people ask stupid questions they deserve stupid answers. If they ask deeply personal ones, they should be prepared to deal with the consequences of finding out whatever Pandora keeps in the box. Some people can get away with living multiple lives and for others it becomes increasingly and sometimes deeply traumatic. From what you've told us, it isn't going to get any better than it is at the moment. If I knew then what I know now I would not have been engaged by the time I was eighteen and married at nineteen. I claim ignorance, naivety and stupidity on my part, but you clearly have none of these excuses going for you.

You owe it to yourself and to the health of any future relationship to extricate yourself from this one now before you find yourself buried even deeper. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do or in indulging in your particular brands of relaxation, but you and your fiancée seem to have incompatible needs at present. It is possible that you may be able to settle into being able to have a happy relationship with a woman, maybe even this one, but being engaged now is being too serious too soon. The road you are on leads to marriage, children, unhappiness probably affairs with men and, if you can't sort it otherwise, divorce and alimony.

However painful it might seem now, it is far better to get unengaged and find out more about yourself before entering into a serious relationship and then see the trap door slam shut behind you.

This is just the jaundiced opinion of one middle-aged man who went down that route. I hope you make some better choices than I did.

Best wishes to you and your partner.