Im not sure if its ok to get a girlfriend

[Doc]

I havent come out of the closet nor do I plan to anytime soon, but I think some people are starting to get suspicious. I have had girlfriends in the past and it was ok, I dont feel like I hurt any of them. I always went out with quite, shy girls who were sort of mousey, and I always tried to build their confidence and be a good friend to them. I figure deep down they had to know, right? Well its been 4 years since anyone has seen me with a woman and they are starting to ask questions, my best friends wife I think knows for sure. Am I totally wrong thinking that it might be ok to get a girlfriend just to throw out a smoke screen? I know I not the only guy/ girl out there to do this. What do you all think, can you think of any other options to throw people off my trail?

[Ibex]

I haven't had a gf since junior high.
Not a bf either, though I've never had a bf so.
No one is asking me questions. It's good to be single actually, though I do want a bf these days. But for now, I want to live my life, since I haven't done that before, mostly.
Sure I lived when I was a kid, but at some point I started cruising through life pretty damn unconciously.

My point, uhm, people shouldn't ask question or be suspicious just because you haven't had a gf in 4 years. You've had gfs.
And writing "suspicious" makes it seem like there's something wrong with being gay.
Why haven't you told anyone about it yet?

[matty7]

You cant use another human being like that - im sure you must realise that , she has feelings and a family too - imagine how hurt she would feel when you decided to end the charade , some people don't recover from that type of thing.

why not just carry on as you are , at 27 your old enough not to answer to anyone - just go with the excuse of she's not my type etc , yes its hard been caught out but you've obviously don't ok so far - although you cant fool everyone all the time

[Doc]

And writing "suspicious" makes it seem like there's something wrong with being gay.
Why haven't you told anyone about it yet?

I need to give a bit more information about who I am and where from. I served in the Army for 5 years and saw combat in Iraq while serving in a scout platoon, I drive an old pick-up truck, I listen to old 1950's and 60's country music, I collect guns, I only drink straight whiskey, and Im a dyed in the wool republican. Ive always tried to put forward a super macho image, and thats what they believe. I live in the deep south most of the people I know are good ol' boy types, I mean they are not bad people but they're dumb fucking hicks. If they found out what I was, Im not sure what would happen but I bet it'd be bad. To give you some perspective they give me a playfully hard time because Im a Catholic. I hope to move in 8 months or so, but who knows, Im sure there are alot of guys in similar circumstances. I just figure I can find a sporty, boyish, type girl date her for a bit cast off all doubts and Im golden.

[meridannight]

How would you feel if you met a great guy, started seeing him, dating, etc, then after some time have him declare to you he is straight and was just ''checking'' or experimenting with you?

If you do go that route, would you feel good about being that guy later on in life? This is the kind of thing you have to be able look yourself in the mirror for afterwards. It might not seem like a big deal right now, but you are your actions in this life. And this action would have no positive light to it. It would not spring from confusion or uncertainty, it would be a pure act of deception and lie caused by fear of others' opinion. Does that sound good to you?

Your life is about you, not about other people. If you let other people make your life for you, you have none that is yours. You should live in a way that is compatible with who you are, and live it with integrity, according to your own worldview and standards. It won't be a walk in the park, even like that, but this is the only way you can look yourself in the eye later on and know you stayed true to who you are, and lived it genuinely. Later on, that will matter a lot.

[Doc]

I get what your saying but its complicated.

[Dan1980]

Why don't you want to Come out of the closet if you don't mind me asking?

[Doc]

I live in the deep south, I was in the Army and Im a combat veteran of Iraq and so are most of my friends and its a very macho environment, Im an avid shooter and gun collector, Im a practicing Catholic, I drive an old truck, and Im a dyed in the wool republican. Basically all signs point to straight. I think people have this image of me that is definitely not gay. More or less Im in a very right wing conservative environment and I know that I would not be well received, if that makes sense.

[Dan1980]

I live in the deep south, I was in the Army and Im a combat veteran of Iraq and so are most of my friends and its a very macho environment, Im an avid shooter and gun collector, Im a practicing Catholic, I drive an old truck, and Im a dyed in the wool republican. Basically all signs point to straight. I think people have this image of me that is definitely not gay. More or less Im in a very right wing conservative environment and I know that I would not be well received, if that makes sense.

That makes sense to me. Are you happy though pretending to be some one your not

[Doc]

I guess Im happy enough, I plan on moving in 8 or so months, out to Arizona in the white mountains. My dream is to build a little adobe hut and spending the rest of my life shooting with nobody to bother me, I figure on being alone. As far as pretending Im someone Im not, Ive been doing it a while I couldnt even admit who I was while I was having my first fling with another man, I was sort of ashamed like it was my little peccadillo thats why I broke it off.