Parents. Need Help/Advice

[LateBloomer]

Hello.
I came out to my friends and family a couple months ago. My friends were very accepting of me. My family is on the meh side as my sister accepted me while my parents didn't. My parents were raised on strict, asian, traditional values. They lived in the 80's during the AIDS crisis and began to have a thing against gays. Being a 16 year old, things can get very traumatizing.

My mom made a comment about gays during a commercial on TV. She says we are disgusting, AID-ridden, promiscuous people. (She says she doesn't insult anyone, but yet she does.) I intervened and reminded her that her son is gay, but she denies that I am. Just because I don't follow the stereotypes doesn't mean that I'm not gay. But she insists that I don't look like one or act like one. Being gay only means that you're attracted to men; in her case it means being girly, woman-like... etc. Then she began attacking me with comments such as "You are not gay! You were not like this when you were young!" and "He doesn't care about our feelings. You told your friends that you are gay when you aren't and now they're gonna talk bad things about you. Your friends made you think you're gay." HELLO?! I've been hiding this from people since I was about 5 years old; afraid to tell people at the time. And there's a reason why my friends are friends with me. They love me for who I am. Clearly, my mom has a false belief on friends since she doesn't have any. Then she made one final comment "If he wants to get sick and die, go ahead. We don't care." I was furious.

To add to all of this, my dad joined in on the comments. I thought he was a very understanding guy at first, but I was wrong. Instead of calming her down, he accused me of putting boys ahead of my education. I've always been hard-working and work has always been my priority; boys come after. After an hour of never-ending arguments of 2 vs 1, I had enough and stormed out of the room.

I've never felt so depressed and sad in my life since that night. Why can't they love me for the son I am without accusing me of false ideas and holding them against me? Why must they make me feel like crap for no apparent reason? I know people accept things slower than others, but that doesn't mean you should attack other people for your benefit. I need help/advice on getting through these troubling times and dealing with my parents since they take me/bring me to and from school everyday.

Sorry to hear about this story. But realize two things:

1) Sometimes (and maybe not in your case) parents are traumatized when they hear news like this. It's almost like a death. The death of the son they "thought" they had. They want to know what you did with him and might even wanna punish you for destroying him. They don't realize that son never existed in the first place.

(Tangent: It's been said of marriage, you marry THREE people 1) You marry the person you THINK they are 2) You marry the person they REALLY are, and 3) You marry the person they're GONNA BE.) This is the same idea of what I'm talking about.

2) One day, when you can find some peace, maybe you can also find the ability to FORGIVE your parents. There's a real POWER in forgiveness.

Speaking personally, I needed to forgive my father at one point, but I couldn't stop being angry and resentful about it until I was old enough to have finished college and moved out of the house. Time and distance will heal all wounds.

Best wishes.