I'm confused need a better understanding

[Rutstuck]

Well I did not want to kiss him and I don't regret it I never care if I kiss a man in my life. Also the crotch thing happens with everyone I look at I'm afraid they will all catch me staring at their breasts or crotches iv even caught myself staring at my moms butt and I feel like she knows I've stared at her chest it's so awkward I think it has something to do with porn I've used it do much but I dunno. I just don't understand how I can love a man when my brain and heart has always wanted to be with s women and care for one its been that way for everit's just a sexual thing when it comes to men.

And I get anxiety about being gay because it's like everything I've wanted will be taken away from me and I will have to be romantically involved with men and like I said I just DON'T want that. Doesn't all this kind of make sense that I'm a guy who gets mote turned on sexually with men " only through porn and thoughts" even though i can have sex with men but when it comes to sex and love I want to be with a
women. If you say this could change why? And does me being more turned on by gay porn and thoughts
Indicate yes your gay?