I'm confused need a better understanding

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Confusion = Life. The only people who are not confused are dead.

I do not know how you identify 'gay' and 'straight' and 'bisexual'. We all have our own definitions.

Sexuality is not just sex. Sex is only a part of the whole thing.

I suspect - this doesn't mean its 100% hard fact - its only a gut feeling -

I suspect you are actually gay and are 'hiding' in a closet of denial because you have been taught that being gay is wrong. You post hints at fear - paranoia is a form of fear, I also get the impression your desire to be with a woman is more or less an issue of what is expected of you from parents and society, that the idea of being with a woman is what you want, not the real deal.

That you draw such a distinction when it comes to kissing tells me that you are afraid to explore it and see what your heart tells you.

After all its just a kiss... but you are repulsed by it. But you are not repulsed with anal and oral....

Many gay men start out not wanting to be gay, they go through their 'bisexual' phase where they insist up and down 'I'm not gay - its just sex'. They are striving to seek a balance between what society expects of them and what they really want. My gut tells me, based on what you have posted, that this is where you are.