11-28-2011, 11:56 PM
My life partner and I are so entwined we finish each others sentences. While we are young, we lost a very good friend in his seventies last year, so the topic of each others deaths has been discussed in some very uncomfortable conversations.
Lee Iacocca in his book Iacocca describes his extremely close relationship with his wife. Iacocca was riding high on top of the world as Chairman of Chrysler until his wife died in 1992. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_Iacocca Iacocca withdrew from the business world, explaining in his book (paraphrasing) that she was my partner and motivation in my life, nothing means anything to me without her.
![[Image: iacocca.jpg]](http://www.blogcdn.com/www.dailyfinance.com/media/2009/06/iacocca.jpg)
My partner and I do not buy all this crap you hear when someone dies - "God moves in mysterious ways." Bull shit! Fuck God. My partner is dead, and I am going to be fucked up for a few years. That is my reality.
Ever notice how shrinks tell us "deal with the loss and find closure." Kiss my ass, we just had a ten year anniversary of 911 explosions of the twin towers, and reopened everyone's wounds. WTF? You do not move on and find closure with the loss of your primary love. You learn to live with the emptiness. Someone told me once that when you are gay you learn to cry alone. True, who the fuck wants to hear me go on for months about how my life is ruined because my partner died? Eventually, no one wants to be around a constant downer. Social invitations can fall off. Meeting new people forces one to move on if you want new friends.
So, we came up with our own simple plan. If one of us were to die we would have to move. Way too many good memories around this house. I could still walk on the beach, but not the gay section of Surfrider State. I would need a road trip of some kind. Somehow being on the road becomes a reality of its own. Once I was pissed off and drove from L. A. to Albuquerque straight through. I have heard tell of the gay populated community of Russian River where there is a social community of coupled GLBT. When I think of the new friends I have met at grocery stores I am amazed. Being around couples can be reinforcing, and eventually I will need that transitional guy between my former partner and a new one. I may or may not keep my job. Iacocca left his - he just did not care.
I am informed that in San Francisco and Houston there are now GLBT Senior apartment complexes. If this happened when I was a senior citizen, I would go for that. As my mentor often says, "Get your head outside the problem, and look down at it from a new perspective." I would try to think of this as an opportunity, a forced adventure if you will, to do the things I enjoy, that my partner did not. To us the approach is to change the set, introduce new players, and not to walk around with a look on my face that said, "I just lost my best friend" because in fact, I just had lost my best friend. Or, maybe, I'd just join a GLBT hiking club for a while, and plan my road trip. What ever it takes to get through this minute, by minute, by minute.
![[Image: 2359627349_c54a9d4a0e.jpg]](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3271/2359627349_c54a9d4a0e.jpg)
"Get your head outside the problem, and look down at it from a new perspective."
![[Image: stock-photo-hollywood-boulevard-from-above-544706.jpg]](http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/11298/11298,1126380426,2/stock-photo-hollywood-boulevard-from-above-544706.jpg)
Lee Iacocca in his book Iacocca describes his extremely close relationship with his wife. Iacocca was riding high on top of the world as Chairman of Chrysler until his wife died in 1992. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_Iacocca Iacocca withdrew from the business world, explaining in his book (paraphrasing) that she was my partner and motivation in my life, nothing means anything to me without her.
My partner and I do not buy all this crap you hear when someone dies - "God moves in mysterious ways." Bull shit! Fuck God. My partner is dead, and I am going to be fucked up for a few years. That is my reality.
Ever notice how shrinks tell us "deal with the loss and find closure." Kiss my ass, we just had a ten year anniversary of 911 explosions of the twin towers, and reopened everyone's wounds. WTF? You do not move on and find closure with the loss of your primary love. You learn to live with the emptiness. Someone told me once that when you are gay you learn to cry alone. True, who the fuck wants to hear me go on for months about how my life is ruined because my partner died? Eventually, no one wants to be around a constant downer. Social invitations can fall off. Meeting new people forces one to move on if you want new friends.
So, we came up with our own simple plan. If one of us were to die we would have to move. Way too many good memories around this house. I could still walk on the beach, but not the gay section of Surfrider State. I would need a road trip of some kind. Somehow being on the road becomes a reality of its own. Once I was pissed off and drove from L. A. to Albuquerque straight through. I have heard tell of the gay populated community of Russian River where there is a social community of coupled GLBT. When I think of the new friends I have met at grocery stores I am amazed. Being around couples can be reinforcing, and eventually I will need that transitional guy between my former partner and a new one. I may or may not keep my job. Iacocca left his - he just did not care.
I am informed that in San Francisco and Houston there are now GLBT Senior apartment complexes. If this happened when I was a senior citizen, I would go for that. As my mentor often says, "Get your head outside the problem, and look down at it from a new perspective." I would try to think of this as an opportunity, a forced adventure if you will, to do the things I enjoy, that my partner did not. To us the approach is to change the set, introduce new players, and not to walk around with a look on my face that said, "I just lost my best friend" because in fact, I just had lost my best friend. Or, maybe, I'd just join a GLBT hiking club for a while, and plan my road trip. What ever it takes to get through this minute, by minute, by minute.
"Get your head outside the problem, and look down at it from a new perspective."
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
