12-23-2011, 03:55 AM
Hi there.
I can empathize with your situation. I too harbor feelings for my best friend. He has given me support during my times of need the likes of which I couldn't expect from anybody. Alas, he's straight, in a committed relationship, and it's clear that nothing will ever come of it. For the first time in years, I'm managing to get my emotions under control so that I can be around him without driving myself nuts wishing we were together. A lot of people on this site have given me a lot of great advice on this subject.
For me, what has yielded the best results was allowing myself to feel whatever I feel, not berating myself for it, but keeping in mind at all times the simple fact that it will never work out. Try to look at it like you would look at hooking up with Brad Pitt (or whoever your secret movie star crush is). Yes, it would be great fun, but because of a number of factors, it will never happen. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy his movies, and that doesn't mean you have to cry yourself to sleep every night because it will never be.
I have been going through a lot of emotional trials over the past year, and I have grown substantially with how I deal with them. The biggest thing I have learned is that as long as you aren't hurting people, there are no forbidden thoughts. Thoughts are intangible. Actions are what we are judged by. You can't help who you like, so stop trying to! Just realize that reality dictates that some things will never be, and this is one of them. I love Ferraris. I will probably never own one, but I still love them. I have loved my best friend more than anyone else on the planet, and I can't imagine ever loving another guy as much as him. I can also remain objective and rational, and tell myself that somewhere, someday, I will find someone I love just as much as my buddy, and who loves me back in the same way. With 7 billion people on Earth, it's almost a statistical certainty.
In summary, stay objective, stop beating yourself up, learn to love yourself as much as you love him, and trust that things are going to work out for you. Also, understand that while you are certainly not alone, there aren't a whole lot of people who have gone through falling head-over-heels for their best friend who they know they can't date. When this issue resolves itself, which it will, understand that you will be a hell of a lot stronger person for it. Good luck dude.
I can empathize with your situation. I too harbor feelings for my best friend. He has given me support during my times of need the likes of which I couldn't expect from anybody. Alas, he's straight, in a committed relationship, and it's clear that nothing will ever come of it. For the first time in years, I'm managing to get my emotions under control so that I can be around him without driving myself nuts wishing we were together. A lot of people on this site have given me a lot of great advice on this subject.
For me, what has yielded the best results was allowing myself to feel whatever I feel, not berating myself for it, but keeping in mind at all times the simple fact that it will never work out. Try to look at it like you would look at hooking up with Brad Pitt (or whoever your secret movie star crush is). Yes, it would be great fun, but because of a number of factors, it will never happen. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy his movies, and that doesn't mean you have to cry yourself to sleep every night because it will never be.
I have been going through a lot of emotional trials over the past year, and I have grown substantially with how I deal with them. The biggest thing I have learned is that as long as you aren't hurting people, there are no forbidden thoughts. Thoughts are intangible. Actions are what we are judged by. You can't help who you like, so stop trying to! Just realize that reality dictates that some things will never be, and this is one of them. I love Ferraris. I will probably never own one, but I still love them. I have loved my best friend more than anyone else on the planet, and I can't imagine ever loving another guy as much as him. I can also remain objective and rational, and tell myself that somewhere, someday, I will find someone I love just as much as my buddy, and who loves me back in the same way. With 7 billion people on Earth, it's almost a statistical certainty.
In summary, stay objective, stop beating yourself up, learn to love yourself as much as you love him, and trust that things are going to work out for you. Also, understand that while you are certainly not alone, there aren't a whole lot of people who have gone through falling head-over-heels for their best friend who they know they can't date. When this issue resolves itself, which it will, understand that you will be a hell of a lot stronger person for it. Good luck dude.
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