Forbidden Love

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Thank you everyone. This is definitely one of those trials in life that make you stronger... Or jaded lol. While I knew most of the advice given already, nothing seems to get him off my mind. This is turning into a nine month long test of endurance, which only gets worse as time passes. There is the other obvious solution, to back off, but that SUCKS just because I can't control my emotions. I guess I was looking for that magic pill to handle myself better. I have to be very careful with myself because I become attached to people very easily and depression seems to becoming my life long friend, which is why I want to fix this unhealthy condition before anything regretful happens.

Ugh, I sound like a helpless SAP lol

Controlling one's emotions may seem like a great idea, until we look at what most people think of as 'control' - most view control as destroying our emotions, stomping them down, hiding them, rolling them up into tiny hard lumps and swallowing. That is unhealthy. It usually means we are burying those emotions - eventually they come back up usually in self destructive behaviors, cutting, drinking, drug use, suicide....

Master your passions before your passions master you.

Great saying - yes? What the $#@% does it mean?

It does NOT mean to stuff your emotions in a box and hide them. It means to flow with your emotions, to analyze them and 'live with' them. Take anger, anger is a healthy emotion - it is a motivator. It causes us to seek change. It is unhealthy if that change is in the form of putting holes in the walls with our fists, but it is healthy if we learn to understand the cause and work in constructive ways to change whatever angers us.

This is a form of Passions Mastery.

"The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions". – Alfred Lord Tennyson

There are good deal of self help books and websites out there on the general subject: http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#hl=en&...47&bih=609

While most focus on the 'negative' emotions (anger, fear, anxiety, grief) there is occasion when we need to temper love, passion, happiness, joy, etc.


In a safe place (at home, alone) you are going to need to explore the fuller depth of feeling you have here for this person. These emotions you have are valid - and there is a reason why you have them. You need to discover the 'why' and work on that, find a resolution.

The up side to this is that you have a representation of your 'ideal mate' before you. Untouchable, yes, but he can be a useful tool in in finding another man that has those qualities that you are attracted to. Meditate (think) upon the qualities he possesses that you find appealing, then when you are looking for attainable mates you can consciously focus on these qualities.

You are 'denying' yourself the ability to 'work through' your feelings. You are dead set on not loving him. Instead do love him, allow yourself to experience that love - in the privacy of your own place and explore these emotions to get a better grip on the why you have them.

It is not easy. Most of us spend thousands of dollars to go to visit a professional for an hour a week, and s/he sits there and asks us at every point 'and how does that make you feel?'.

Since you admitted you are prone to post-love depression, you may want to seriously consider therapy to work on the 'why' on that as well. While some sadness is to be expected, depression is not 'healthy' and if you are depressed for too long you will eventually end up chronically depressed.

There are no simple answers. Emotions are complex, we each are motivated slightly differently when it comes to each emotion. A professional to help you 'master' this particular instance of love may be what you need.