outing people

[Pix]

But I can't help but feel a lack of respect for an adult hiding from who they are because it's more comfortable or easier. Especially if it's among a group of people who love and care about each other.

We don't all have that luxury. If I made sure I was out everywhere I would have lost a gym membership, mixed with gun nuts who believe gays should be killed (before I knew who they were), and may have been forced to live in some slums--with kids.

Hiding our orientation we got a good place we could afford that turned out to be racist and homophobic (they'd have never rented to us had they known, or had I tried to get my name on the lease as well), but at first assumed I was an older kid or relative until my best friend (who's black) visited us once too often and got them to looking more closely at us and our girl telling people. Then many kids were told not to play with ours, fundies tried getting my partner fired (only the threat of a lawyer saved her job--and only in the short term for as far as we know), and they landlady (luckily more a secretary for the actual owner) with a Jesus pic (he's white, of course) tried evicting us--and again, would have had it not been the intervention of a lawyer. In short, by being outed it not only made my life and my partner's life harder but harder and more dangerous (with the real threat of homelessness and possibly losing the kids as a result of crushing poverty) for our kids.

Others have beloved families that would turn against them (or would feel pain that someone gay doesn't want them to feel), lifelong church going friends (and they, along with family, may even assault them, like this one), families that make college possible (who will cut off support if they know). People outed have committed suicide, even as an adult, and not necessarily because they're ashamed of being gay, but because of having their dreams smashed and/or heart broken as a result of being outed.

I wonder, do you really have any idea what "high minded" rhetoric actually means?

Maybe my entire definition of outing is wrong. To me, being out doesn't mean you have to tell EVERYONE you're gay. You are out around the people who care about you, but you would never flaunt your gayness to a neo nazi or a known homophobe. Very few out gay men or lesbians would. Why do you guys kinda equate "outing" someone to grabbing a gay person's arm and leading them down the street with a megaphone shouting, "EVERYONE LOOK AT THE HOMOSEXUAL!!!"?

Maybe you wouldn't, at least not intentionally. But even if you're such an astute judge of character on who would be ok with it, one of those people who now know might then tell the wrong person (quite possibly meaning no harm).