Love...or is it... what is it???

[im_so_confused]

Ok so let me just explain this. I met a guy off the internet who I really, really like. We were talking on-line for a bout 3 weeks and so after that it progressed to texts and then calls. The first time he called me I had this feeling I should just go for it.

We met a week later and I was a little shocked at what I saw, he was a little different from his picture on line. Nevertheless I knew he was a great guy and he paid for a lovely meal in a restaurant for me.
We continued talking and we decided to meet up again a week later. This time we went to a show and ended up kissing on the back row....and it was MAGICAL. It was like my frist kiss all over again and sent shivers down my spine.
He is 30 and I am 21 and I really like him, but he moved house in the time I knew him to over 150 miles away and I was willing to make it work. At this point we were a couple and then broke up to see how it went.
Long story short we were both going to make it work, but he never seemed to call or text me before I texted/called him and I said is it working to which he replied 'I've been working long hours' you've called me only so many times and I've called you loads, which was true but I thought he was busy.
Anyway push came to shove and we called it quits coz I didn't text him, nor did he text me in three days. We then worked it out and he then moved back in with his father and we are making things work.
But within the third time of seeing each other he told me that he was in love with me and I was confused as to what to think!!! He then said he obviously didn't love me but was in love with me and I don't understand.
He just seems distance but insists that he likes me. He is so sexually fulfilling in bed and pleases me in ways I have never been pleased before.
I just don't know what to make of it. All this has happened in the space of five weeks!!!
What do you think

Please help

Peter xxx

[Mark]

May I say.. Rushed?! Whats with all the guys on this site! It all happens STRAIGHT AWAY, Gawd no game play.

Anyway, I doubt its love.. Its been so short, being good in bed doesnt make a relationship work, I mean anyone can wack it in you and make you moan, doesnt mean you have to marry them :confused:

If you want to try again do so, no harm. Just decide what you really want, no point beating around the bush, *Literal sense to*.

Is this a guy you want to be with? You want to share things with? Someone which will make you happy, feel things youve never felt before? Know your cared for without having to say it, make your heart skip a beat when you see him, long for him when hes gone????

You have to decide what you want. He could be a big waste of time, or the guy of your dreams, even the one..

Text/Call/Online relationships never ever will work. Hurts to much. You may speak to them but that doesnt compensate the need to hold them, touch them, smell them, know they are there! I advise you unless you can meet regulary then forget it. You will only get hurt, and if this is simply for sex then why bother..

[Michael]

Boy Salty, you are wise way beyond your years!

Spot on.

It"s five weeks. Some of have milk in the fridge that has been there longer than that. Honestly? You've only just entered the "Dating" phase and already you're freaking out and worrying about who calls who the most and who is IN love and all the rest.

Relax! Take a deep breath and a step BACK. You like him, he seems to like you, so wait and see what happens as this unfolds and stop trying to make tis a two hour movie. In five weeks, no matter HOW great the sex or HOW much you think you love him or him you (and it might be), in five weeks you know next to nothing about each other.

So gives yourself some time. Date. Learn each other OVER TIME and don't expect to have a 20 year relationship in a couple of weeks. In 5 weeks most straight people haven't even got to the "let's be exclusive" phase and you're already wanting marriage or LOVE declarations and "what does all this mean?"

How can either of you know ......it's only been FIVE weeks.

Relax, enjoy each other first and foremost and stop with all the pressure. If you like each other then you'll make things work, or they won't. Distance shouldn't matter if you are right for each other, but it CAN be hard work.

But honestly I think you are thinking way too hard. Relax enjoy each other and see what the future brings without all the pressure. In five MONTHS you might post this again and we'll take another look ;-)

Enjoy each other!

[Shadow]

Hello Peter, how are you today ?

Well there isn't really a whole heck of a lot that I can add to the very good advice that you've already received, but for what it's worth, here's what I think ...

I agree with Twazzle and Michael when they say that your relationship with this guy IS moving forward at a pace of knots and then some, and this obviously represents a somewhat double-edged sword for you ...

A good example of how your confidence can be knocked, even just a little bit, when things are moving forward at that speed is, as you yourself have said :-

We met a week later and I was a little shocked at what I saw, he was a little different from his picture on line. Nevertheless I knew he was a great guy and he paid for a lovely meal in a restaurant for me.

I think when things are moving forward as quickly as they have been with you guys, it's a combination of desire, passion, drive and perfectly understandable wishful thinking (which ISN'T always wrong in spite of what people may tell you).

It is, however, only sound practice for you to take stock of the situation from time to time and see how things are going, and whether or not you're happy with that ... and, at the moment, I don't think you really are.

It could well be that this guy is being 100% sincere and really IS into you, and wants to make things with you work (and what's with the "I'm in love with you but I don't love you" thing ? To ME it's the other way around - I love ALL my friends, but I'm only really IN love with one guy, but anyway), but another example to my mind of how things can become distorted when the timeline is moving forward so fast is that you (both, I assume) decided to call it quits on your relationship because you didn't get in touch with each other for three days ...

... I think my boyfriend would LOVE not hearing from me for three days bless him, but it wouldn't mean our relationship was over ... not that I mean to cast any aspersions as to your situation, as I really do sympathise with you ... it's just that I think you need to take steps to protect yourself in the early stages of ANY relationship, PARTICULARLY one which is moving forward at such a fast pace.

My advice would therefore to be to have a heart-to-heart with your guy, and tell him that your honest feelings ... it may well be that you DO want your relationship with him to be a progressive thing, but that you're also ACUTELY aware that it's still a very new thing ... and so you don't want to do too much too soon - you just want everything to be done the right way ... and see how he takes that.

If he DOES care for you, then he'll be willing to slow things down a little ...

That's my two penneth anyway.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Mark]

One thing you definatly know from all of us is its moving way to fast, your both quite young so why rush? DO you want rushed memories which you think uhh why didI do that, or memories you can think wow that was a beautiful time.

[im_so_confused]

Yes guys, you are correct. I have read all of the detailed posts. I am just scared of losing him, as he is amazing and I could not ask for anymore. I do now think that it is moving too fast but scared if I say we need to slow things down because it puts our relationship in jeopardy.
He gives me this warm glow, next time I see him we should jsut try and talk without the sex and see what happens? Is that a good thing?
I also hate hurting people.

[Mark]

Yes talk - Dont jump into bed ASAP. and dude if he is right for you he will understand :confused:

[Shadow]

Look at it this way ... you're not harming your relationship by slowing it down a touch - you're actually trying to ensure it lasts longer, and if at 30 he's not wise-enough to suss that out, then you should send him to speak with me, and I'LL straighten him out for you xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Mark]

AHHH SHADOW MIGHT STEAL HIM WATCH OUT! :eek:

[Shadow]

LMAO AS IF !! ...

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!