Flaccid Penis During Intercourse... F*ck. :(

[Retrospect]

Heyo, all!

Disclaimer: I apologize for the bluntness and a bit of fowl language!

I'm sorry if this is a bit lengthy... TL;DR? - My penis gets flaccid when I'm about to enter his buttocks. Almost every time. If it's all mental... how do I "relax" or "clear my mind?" ... -_-

Story version:

Ages: 21, 21
Positions: Him- Versatile Bottom. Me- Versatile Top

So I've been with this man for about 3 months now. It hasn't been very long, but we have probably hung out/ slept together at least 4x/week within all 3 months. We have no title, but we've become really close (friendship-wise) and are both exclusive to one-another. Not committed, I'd say, but yes exclusive.
When we first started having sex, we would take turns and everything was pretty fine. My penis would stay pretty hard but we would take everything slow because I was his first male experience.

We hang out pretty much every day and have little mature sleep overs at least 4 days a week. Eventually, within the last 3 weeks or so, I've been doing most of the topping.
Within the last 2 weeks, my penis gets hard during foreplay... stays hard when I go in his butt; then he yells "ouch, wait, take it out" or we switch to a new position, and while I take my penis out to adjust it goes starts going flaccid right as I try to put it back in.
Now, don't be fooled, we've had some great, "lasting" experiences, too. Hah.

My theory:
I'm a pisces. (hah!) I do tend to analyze everything and there's constant thoughts running through my head. Unfortunately, I'm the annoying typical girl (not literal) who wants to go further in the relationship but has no idea what's going on so I'm constantly worrying if he's satisfied or not. He's the typical television man who prefers to just hang out and have sex, etc., and not talk about our feelings. (he's an aquarious.. we'll blame it on that).

Things he does that I HATE:
He says "f*ck" instead of sex.
He doesn't like to blow. I don't. I do it for him all the time. (I don't HATE this.. I hate the face that he gives me when I ask him if he wants to 69)
He likes to foreplay, but not for very long. Or at least I do most of the fore-playing, as I'm very physical and like to pleasure others.
He's high (420) most of the times we have sex so I'm not even sure if he's fully there.
I basically feel a bit like a "tool" when we have sex. I mean, I definitely enjoy having sex, but sometimes I just feel like saying... "dude, suck my penis or something so I can penetrate your butt" :/
I mean, he cares, I know he does; he just shows it differently.

I tried talking about this with him a bit. He said that he feels really bad. He was wondering if he was doing something wrong, or what was going on. He laughs at me having an issue with him saying f*ck, but he said he would stop some. I didnt mention that I would like more pleasure, because, well, I don't want him to feel TOOOOOO bad.

So, I'm supposed to feel better, right? Wellllll. No -.-
I mean, I'm glad that he will try to fore-play more and such, but now I'm still not satisfied because I had to tell him this. Therefore, I feel that he's not doing it out of his own will and care for me but because he thinks he should because I said so. I over think these things.

All this goes on in my head as I'm about to insert his cute round booty.

Advice? :/

[pellaz]

[COLOR="Lime"]I mean, he cares, I know he does; he just shows it differently.

I tried talking about this with him a bit. He said that he feels really bad. He was wondering if he was doing something wrong, or what was going on. He laughs at me having an issue with him saying f*ck, but he said he would stop some. I didnt mention that I would like more pleasure, because, well, I don't want him to feel TOOOOOO bad.

So, I'm supposed to feel better, right? Wellllll. No -.-
I mean, I'm glad that he will try to fore-play more and such, but now I'm still not satisfied because I had to tell him this. Therefore, I feel that he's not doing it out of his own will and care for me but because he thinks he should because I said so. I over think these things.
[/COLOR]

you are doing the right thing, communication is essential. and you will have to repeat what you said a few times till it becomes habit, so be strong. Find a loving way to do this, no two people natively think the same ways.
I dont see anything out of line other than you could get him to top too.

[Scotty]

He isn't gay lol

[TomStatic]

hmm i have sorta been like the guy u are with
and would sorta go somwehre in my head while having sex, like over thinking stuff
, my bf told me the same thing feeling like i was not there, and after that i thought about it i was like why am i like this and now anytime we have sex he can see that i am there and i do love been passionate with him,

[pellaz]

He isn't gay lol

He might be challenged by this but I kept thinking of how the OP says he cares.

... i mean, he cares, I know he does; he just shows it differently ...

if its his first gay relationship might expect things like

... He says "f*ck" instead of sex.
He doesn't like to blow. I don't. I do it for him all the time. (I don't HATE this.. I hate the face that he gives me when I ask him if he wants to 69) ...

I am thinking how you need to get him to reduce the 420.

[Nick9]

I mean, I'm glad that he will try to fore-play more and such, but now I'm still not satisfied because I had to tell him this. Therefore, I feel that he's not doing it out of his own will and care for me but because he thinks he should because I said so. I over think these things.

Sounds familiar... Try to convince your head (or any other part ) that this is actually arousing - you have told him and voila - he is doing it. Just for you. Becase he does care.

[ceez]

I think you guys haven't been connecting during sex. It seems like it would be less fun if the other was not into it because he was a little too high. I know when I hangout with my friends when they are really high its difficult to communicate with them and I end up sitting back watching them make arses out of themselves. also if you start to worry too much while changing positions it can ruin the mood, so try to relax a little.

[Retrospect]

Hey guys, thanks for the replies.

He is gay. Hah. Definitely. It was about time he came out.

pellaz: Getting him to quit the 420 will be a big duty. He does it every single day; which, you know, to each their own, and I don't have a huge deal with it, but sometimes it feels like he's just laying there, waiting for me to pleasure him because he's a little too relaxed.

TomStatic: that's actually the exacttttt feeling I feel about him. Like he's not really there sometimes. I need passion and a good sense of dual-reciprocation to get me going. I just don't know how to tell him by beating around the bush and not sounding like I hate our sex life (which I really don't, at all- I just feel like crap and embarrassed when my penis starts goes flaccid).

ceez: Yeah, I get what you mean. And I agree. Is there any tips for "relaxing" or "not thinking about anything and just enjoying the moment?"

The last conversation I had with him, I told him something along the lines of this (along the lines... not exact. haha!):
"Hey, so sometimes I feel like you just wanna rush things. We lay in bed, I massage you, etc., get you all hyped up, and then you just say, 'wanna F me?'... which I feel like it may have something to do with your previous relationships all being with girls; you feel that sense of dominance in bed with them. And usually, in a hetero-relationship the guy leads in bed and the girl follows, so I assume you're used to that and doing that with me- but we're both dominant here and I feel like you try to control the situation too much even though I'm the one topping you."

He responded by telling me that he's just veryyyy impatient sometimes, and when he wants it in the butt, he wants it up there really bad so he doens't wanna wait.

Which makes some sense. So what I think I'm going to do is restraint myself from pleasing him too much (massage, rubs, play with his winnie, etc) PRIOR to the fore-play. So we're both at a mutual state of pleasure during the fun.
Though, that would require me holding back. Which I shouldn't do. But I'll try it. (before, he would always commence the foreplay; I was more, "I wanna just lay for a bit" now I do because just wanna play as soon as we touch the bed).

Is this silly? :|

Thanks again for the thoughts, peoples. <3

[LateBloomer]

If you're in a relationship with someone who has a constant drug habit (alcohol, marijuana, etc...) then you're prevented from fully experiencing that person.

The daily drug use is a barrier to REAL INTIMACY.

Something to think about.

[Retrospect]

If you're in a relationship with someone who has a constant drug habit (alcohol, marijuana, etc...) then you're prevented from fully experiencing that person.

The daily drug use is a barrier to REAL INTIMACY.

Something to think about.

That's an unfortunate fact. ;_;