I've been using a dating site for quite some time, messaged hundreds of guys at this point but can't seem to find what I'm looking for. I'm not even being discriminatory. But I've noticed a trend among the guys I message and one of three things happen and I just want to hear from the forum of experts why is this.
A) I get no response -> whatever, I don't care too much when I don't hear back, but it happens way too much.
B) I hear back, but the conversation deterioates to sex within a few e-mails -> this really irritates me. The guy's profile sounds so sweet and he even says he doesn't want to talk about sex, but he's the one bringing it up. I've had this happen like 10-15 times. I try to keep talking, but because I don't talk about sex, they usually stop talking.
C) They don't want to meet/talk about innane things -> this confuses me. This is the most infrequent of the scenarios, but its happened a few times. They won't stop about a certain subject - horses with one guy, university with another. Also guys who message me and say I sound like a great guy, I suggest meeting and they say sorry, I don't know you yet. I mean, what the hell, of course you don't know me, thats why we should meet.
Did I miss something when it comes to online dating. What happened to just messaging someone, saying 'hey, lets go have dinner.' and letting things happen. Often the mere suggestion of meeting makes the guy run away. Are gay men so distrusting?
It's easy to be a keyboard warrior, but reality freaks people out. You wouldn't go for a dinner date and talk about sex, having sex...A/S/L etc etc, that is the culture that has been created by the internet.
With a keyboard, people have balls of steel, in the real world, they have none.
Yes it's frustrating not to be able to have a 'normal' conversation on the internet. I would enjoy chatting on the net as I would if I were sitting right in front of you, but yeah what you are saying is the general course internet dating takes for most of us
A). Obviously you are not out there selling yourself. I suggest a weight loss program/exercise program, total body make over - or just steal pics of great looking guys and Photoshop your head on their bodies. Which ever, most out there are doing one or the other.
B) People are still...... Yes
I strongly suggest headphones or turn your speakers down if at work. Catchy beat, but the lyrics are graphic as all hell.
As you listen to that song understand that sex is the predominate reason why we do - well everything. The drive to procreate, well at least do the act with or without offspring, is one of the main reasons why we live. Its all about success of the genetic material, and that means sex - lots of sex.
C) Inane: Adjective: Silly; stupid; not significant. Synonyms: Vacuous - empty - senseless - blank - foolish - vacant...
I for one do not do inane or useless talking. As such I rarely talk. I actually write more on this one forum than I speak all day long.
Talking for the sake of making noise is inane, empty, senseless, foolish, silly, stupid....
So are you really certain you want to be around folk who have inane conversation?
This is interesting, I've had similar problems as well. I also noticed something really interesting.
I was on POF, and if you do a search pretending you are a woman looking for a man, you see something really interesting compared to when man is looking for a man. On their profiles, straight men never seem to use the 'intimate encounter' in their 'looking for' box. However, gay men use it quite frequently. I'm wondering if straight men are just trying not to look like sex addicts for women, but have no problem looking like it when hitting on other men. xD
Just something I noticed one day, just wanted to see how straight men and gay men differed in their profiles :p
I know I am old fashioned...but maybe sex is a great way to start a date:biggrin:
Seriously...I never dated ANYONE until I had sex with them first and I told them upfront that I don't know if I wanted to date them until I found out if I liked the sex. I hate dates...I hate the awkwardness and people lying to me. I feel so much more comfortable on a date AFTER I have been naked with the guy and had an intimate sexual experience...it breaks down so many walls and there is a comfort level to the date.
I know alot of people today have to deal with AIDS and even grow up with it and that is something I didn't have to deal with until I was in my mid 20s so I am not sure how I would act if I was young today but I do know my method led me to lots of great guys and a lifetime full of mostly good relationships so I did something right.
I do have to ask though...and I am always curious about this. I am now 54...soon to be 55...I have no problem meeting lots of guys in person if I wanted to (and I don't). I have guys cruise and approach me quite often and I am not really in the "desirable" category anymore...at least not in the gay world...so why is is so hard for younger guys to meet someone in person? I dont' get it.
Hello,
However long it takes to find what your looking for id probably recommend maybe giving the local bars a hit for a while as online hasnt hit it after a few hunderred guys. Now the responses to A,
"A) I get no response -> whatever, I don't care too much when I don't hear back, but it happens way too much."
A lot of gay men tend to at times be as polite as possible and figured that if they dont respond to a request then the person will get the hint for whatever reason or it may be that they are in a relationship and no longer on the site.
Now onto response B,
"B) I hear back, but the conversation deterioates to sex within a few e-mails -> this really irritates me. The guy's profile sounds so sweet and he even says he doesn't want to talk about sex, but he's the one bringing it up. I've had this happen like 10-15 times. I try to keep talking, but because I don't talk about sex, they usually stop talking."
Men in general are preditors compared to the females on the planet. We were once traditionally going out hunting getting the food etc etc. Now the same works with this site. People you are talking to the minute they go onto your profile and talk about sex whether it be mild as in what you wearing or explict and say something like how bigs ya todger at the end of the chatline they are preditors and hunting around for a bit of cock and someone who is going to take them up on their offer and go hello wham bam thank you mam. If you ever went ahead on this route thinking it is a way to a relationship your wrong because once you've had trust violated in the short time you know them your find they soon become a bat out of hell and foxtrot oscar leaving you to feel like some cheap tart so make sure that people who talk about sex you kinda drop as they are not looking for a relationship. Another factor is that men in general cant help but keep reproducing and shagging..
"C) They don't want to meet/talk about innane things -> this confuses me. This is the most infrequent of the scenarios, but its happened a few times. They won't stop about a certain subject - horses with one guy, university with another. Also guys who message me and say I sound like a great guy, I suggest meeting and they say sorry, I don't know you yet. I mean, what the hell, of course you don't know me, thats why we should meet."
When someone talks about a certain topic of choice they are doing it because they have pride in that topic. If we take the male who spoke about university for what seemed like ever he is only talking about something he is proud of. I would imagen he had stated his degrees and where his hoiping to go after university, however topics do need a change i agree and the only way to find it is to truy to adjust the conversation to another conversation by merging two topics in one and then allowing the university one to die out as you talk about goats say for example..
The problem with meeting people is behind the computer you can be any old joe bloggs.. Im sure you are everything your profile here states you are but the intital problem is some people want to know someone online to build up a trust barrier or talk on the phone where they can then hear the voice to identify a rough age of the person on the phone...
Anonymous Wrote:... but can't seem to find what I'm looking for. I'm not even being discriminatory ...
-widen your search by taking a critical look at why the recent dates/encounters were less than expected.
-Maybe dont, just be patient. Contact the least bad of your dates for a second chance (i like the university boy).
i liked the ideas members already stated:
-keyboard warrior concept.
-looking at dating from a M->F point of view was kinder gentler was cool. Maybe we would be that way if there would be a change to get preg.
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:A). Obviously you are not out there selling yourself. I suggest a weight loss program/exercise program, total body make over - or just steal pics of great looking guys and Photoshop your head on their bodies. Which ever, most out there are doing one or the other.
B) People are still...... Yes
I strongly suggest headphones or turn your speakers down if at work. Catchy beat, but the lyrics are graphic as all hell.
As you listen to that song understand that sex is the predominate reason why we do - well everything. The drive to procreate, well at least do the act with or without offspring, is one of the main reasons why we live. Its all about success of the genetic material, and that means sex - lots of sex.
C) Inane: Adjective: Silly; stupid; not significant. Synonyms: Vacuous - empty - senseless - blank - foolish - vacant...
I for one do not do inane or useless talking. As such I rarely talk. I actually write more on this one forum than I speak all day long.
Talking for the sake of making noise is inane, empty, senseless, foolish, silly, stupid....
So are you really certain you want to be around folk who have inane conversation?
:tongue:
You must be a professor or something >.> :biggrin: .
That man's voice is so weird, reminds me kinda of the blue man group :/ .
~
Personally, I'm more of a face to face person, cause that's how I was raised. It's a very small community here, so most people just interact with one another face to face. Although, I see the appeal in online dating, as it's some what easier than face to face dating.
I would have to agree with Dfiant on this one, and say that people definetly adopt an online "bravado" , because they aren't comfortable with doing so in the real world (although not everyone is this way). Vice versa, people who are generally loud in everyday life are usually more subdued and quiet on the internet.
I think, even though I've never tried it, that you should obviously be yourself and if people can't seem to respect that, then it's their loss. You can't blame people for being who they are. On the other hand, just because your comfortable saying, "let's go have dinner" they can be very skittish, because people (in general) have expectations and standards and when they aren't met, or they think they aren't going to be met, they avoid what ever it is.
Very complex, people are. I've read for an anthropology report(my friend is studying to become one), that the average human relies heavily on how they instinctually feel. Our instincts tell us whether or not compatibility can be accomplished with another person, in less then 10 seconds of meeting them. Due to facial cues, body language and over all physicality. It sounds shallow, but it's true.
A study for women in the olden days show that, impulsively, a woman would choose to be with a man who is more "masculine" and had sharper features and what not, as those traits are usually attributed to a high testosterone level, and testosterone is a natural immuno suppresent. This ensures that their child will be healthier and will have a better chance to survive and pass on the genes.
This is why, I believe, people are much more specific and cautious about what they want, because over the internet people have removed their ability to instinctually judge someone. Everyone knows that people can lie and that scares people, because you can never know what someone is like and what they're capable of over the internet. Facial cues and body language don't lie, and takes the average human about 10seconds to determine whether or not the person is a potential threat or can be a lover.
To date over the internet, you'd have to have a huge ability to trust someone and take what they say as true. People who generally shy away from dating online or from meeting someone, are people who are reluctant to trust someone easily, and I can say this for a fact, because I feel like I have to see you in the flesh in order for me to even begin to trust you. I have minor trust issues, but that's how most people are today, with all the online dates turned homocide in some cases and pranks and what not.
Most people who say they want sex within like a week of chatting to you, are people who usually aren't very comfortable with being in a relationship and probably have commitment issues. Like Bowyn Aerrow said, everybody is having sex and it's programmed into our brains, but sex usually follows some sort of courtship in most species, so I can also see where you're coming from. It's hard to pick apart and analyze humans and the reasons behind how and why we act and do the things we do.
Basically, I can see your point and can agree with you, but on the flip side of the coin, it's basic human nature as well. Some animals court and have sex with multiple partners over their life spans and some only mate with one partner for their whole lives*. Humans just have the uncanny ability to choose between the two.
Hope you find what you're looking for. Online or off :biggrin: .
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