Emotional detachment from people

[lokilol]

I came out to my family here about a year ago, since then I have lost a lot of weight, made some friends in the gay community, had some fun and dates here and there with the general desire to find a boyfriend and companion.

Although I have dated some people and so far nothing came out of that, not that Im worried, but what worries me is that I have never really felt any emotional attachment to these people, and come to think of it I have never felt any emotions towards anyone.

I know and admit that Im gay, I lust for men, but I have yet to "fall in love", have a "crush", on someone, sometimes I think its a blessing that I dont have to go through emotional hardships, but i do question, "Am I capable of love?"

So I wonder does anyone share these thoughts?
Do you generally feel un attached from people you date/sleep with?
Did your love/feelings take time to develop?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

but what worries me is that I have never really felt any emotional attachment to these people, and come to think of it I have never felt any emotions towards anyone

At this point I would strongly suggest you seek professional opinion - a therapist (Psychologist not a psychiatrist) would be your best bet.

There are a few organic (physical/chemical) conditions that could lead to a lot of feelings of attachment, however in most cases there is deep seated 'issues' from situations and experiences that has left a person feeling this way.

It is important for you to discuss this with a professional and figure out if you actually are feeling no attachment to people or if you are just not understanding what you are feeling.

[Sylph]

I came out to my family here about a year ago, since then I have lost a lot of weight, made some friends in the gay community, had some fun and dates here and there with the general desire to find a boyfriend and companion.
Good for you :3.

Although I have dated some people and so far nothing came out of that, not that Im worried, but what worries me is that I have never really felt any emotional attachment to these people, and come to think of it I have never felt any emotions towards anyone.
[COLOR="magenta"]I can seriously agree with you here. After my friend/boyfriend of 10years(complicated ) and I got split up 4 years ago, I developed an "I hate all people" attitude, because we grew up together(I was 4 when we met) and were very very connected. Whenever someone in my family would pass on, I wouldn't feel anything or if someone got hurt/a child was kidnapped/etc, I still wouldn't be able to feel it. I just wasn't able to associate my emotions, to other people, because the only persons I ever associated my emotions with, were my immediate family and my friend/boyfriend and he was ripped away from me. I've learned since then, that people are important and that it's not good to be so apathetic, and funny enough, it took my current pet turtle to "open" my eyes.

I realized that, now I have a life to take care of and how precious it is and since then, I have been able to see the value in human lives and that their emotions, as well as mine matter. I'm still alittle apathetic at times, but generally I'm more emotionally connected with people.[/COLOR]

I know and admit that Im gay, I lust for men, but I have yet to "fall in love", have a "crush", on someone, sometimes I think its a blessing that I dont have to go through emotional hardships, but i do question, "Am I capable of love?"
Every human is capable of these things and so much more. The human brain is one of the most complex organs in the entire world and therefore, we have no idea what it isn't capable of. I believe you are capable of these things, and that you can't search to find the answer, but rather allow the answer to come to you. The more you search for something, the harder it is to find, but when you aren't looking for it, all of a sudden it hits you in the face. You can try therapy/counselling, but true help lies within you, although outside sources can help you achieve this.

So I wonder does anyone share these thoughts?
Do you generally feel un attached from people you date/sleep with?
Did your love/feelings take time to develop?
It took me 10years to realize and confirm my feelings with my friend/boyfriend, only for us to be seperated. I think it wouldn't take me as long now, seeing as how I am now a more open and wiser person, not to mention I'm older. I think all good things take time.

Pretty Magenta for you :3


I hope you're able to realize your potential for love. Cause it'll happen and then you'll be all hearts and dovey and flowery and pink :3

[dfiant]

Do you think you could just be a realist seeking sexual gratification and fear the commitment of entering into a relationship because you like your own space?

People that are truely open for love generally find it, people that aren't generally avoid it.

Why are people so quick to suggest counselling and therapy for every little issue??? I mean come on, where are the days when people owned their problems and dealt with them...oh I stubbed my toe and now I'm depressed...Perhaps your should see a therapist about that....I think we need to see therapists about our dependancy on therapists.

Lokilol, I don't think there is anything wrong with you, I just think you are not at the point where you are ready to settle down and you just have not met that person your will be comfortable with.

You do now why they are called Therapists?...THE RAPISTS!!!!

[pellaz]

Mr. Tin Man,

gay men spend so much time in the closet growing up that they cant put out when they need to.

you mean to tell me you dont like any of god's creations?
You dont have friends?
Ok, how do you love your self, you do this ok? A husband is like a best friend but you give him some of the emotion you would attach to your self and there is a physical bond too.

For most couples it takes a year or so to form some sort of emotional dependencies.

Remember both of you, you and your husband, have to want a relationship and even if you get to that point and are 33years old all is good. Patience.
It is difficult to find relevant professional help. If you go this direction make sure they can diagnose for gay issues.

[Nick9]

I feel something similar. I try to not be emotionaly involved in some situations. My last year breakdown and depression was caused by insecurity and fear. And now even in situations when I had ER in my house I try unvilingly stay above things. It feels weird and cold, like I don't love my family. But it's not true. I guess it's just my brain's defence. Like I am afraid of being hurt and getting to the bottom again. But it feels weird and not right. Like I am in some kind of bubble.

[zeon]

hello,
Love is something that takes a while to sink in and when the time is right your emotions will grow to feel the love... Give it time and it will happen.. I did wonder when i was younger if id ever find love but to be honest when i did it was dead nice but when it went it was horriblke and upsetting so be prepared love isnt always what its cracked up to be

Kindest regards

zeon x

[lokilol]

At this point I would strongly suggest you seek professional opinion - a therapist (Psychologist not a psychiatrist) would be your best bet.

There are a few organic (physical/chemical) conditions that could lead to a lot of feelings of attachment, however in most cases there is deep seated 'issues' from situations and experiences that has left a person feeling this way.

It is important for you to discuss this with a professional and figure out if you actually are feeling no attachment to people or if you are just not understanding what you are feeling.

[COLOR="Blue"]Well I generally "Love" my friends and the people around me (by societies definition of love) In other words I care about them and enjoy their company, but its the people who I am more intimate with that I fail to feel much for them, I mean I don enjoy their company (be it in bed or not ) and would like to see them again, but if I dont see them again I am very indifferent...
I have considered seeking some help just to talk about it, but so far I dont feel its such a pressing issue ;P [/COLOR]

Pretty Magenta for you :3


I hope you're able to realize your potential for love. Cause it'll happen and then you'll be all hearts and dovey and flowery and pink :3

Thank you for sharing QueenOdi, that was very insightful and deep <3

Do you think you could just be a realist seeking sexual gratification and fear the commitment of entering into a relationship because you like your own space?

People that are truely open for love generally find it, people that aren't generally avoid it.

Well this is the thing dfiant, is that I havent been in a relationship so far..and haven't committed to anyone, I wonder do I have to experience a commitment and a perhaps a break up to develop a fear of commitment?

Lokilol, I don't think there is anything wrong with you, I just think you are not at the point where you are ready to settle down and you just have not met that person your will be comfortable with.
You do now why they are called Therapists?...THE RAPISTS!!!!

LOL, From my own thoughts about this I think this is the most logical explanation that answers my questions, but then again the people I have dated so far were nice, kind, funny and good people but i have dont have a passion to seek them out or throw myself infront of a train for them :S

hello,
Love is something that takes a while to sink in and when the time is right your emotions will grow to feel the love... Give it time and it will happen.. I did wonder when i was younger if id ever find love but to be honest when i did it was dead nice but when it went it was horriblke and upsetting so be prepared love isnt always what its cracked up to be

Kindest regards

zeon x

Thanks for the input Zeon, Yes I do wonder if its just a matter of time, but given I'm 27 years old now, and havent felt a lot of affection for one person, Im just starting to wonder if theres something wrong with me or its just normal

I was watching this video from TED, its a very insightful talk by Anthropologist Helen Fisher titled "Helen Fisher tells us why we love + cheat" it sort of got me thinking on this topic, and wondering how come I dont share similar emotions if any with her research subjects.

[lokilol]

oh the link to the video is
ted.com/talks/lang/en/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html

[dfiant]

Well this is the thing dfiant, is that I havent been in a relationship so far..and haven't committed to anyone, I wonder do I have to experience a commitment and a perhaps a break up to develop a fear of commitment?

In some shape or form we all have experienced a relationship breakup weather it be from our own personal experience or watching a your parents, other family member or friend go through the process, or even something as subliminal as a news story on a bitter divorce of a famous couple can all leave and indelable impression on us weather it be conscious or subconscious and in the end influence they way we feel and react to those same situations when they are presented to us.