So I don't know if I'm gay or not. I might be, or I might be bi, or I might have just build up a really neurotic worry of being gay. But regardless, I need to find out. I can't have this obsessive worry in my mind anymore, and I need to live truthfully to the fullness of myself, whatever that may mean. I have been in several successful, satisfying hetero relationships, but at this point I don't think anything can be taken off the table. My question is this:
How can I go about exploring without giving the wrong impression? I'm really nervous to go to a gay bar, I feel like that would be way too overwhelming. I feel like what I need is just to meet a guy, and see how that feels, maybe move in to try a kiss, and just see what happens with that. This is kind of an intense thing in my mind, so I don't want to feel forced or anything like that. I just need to find someone kind enough to bear with the fact that I might not even be gay at all. Haha, how realistic is this desire you reckon? Thanks all.
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Hmmm, I probably wouldn't do the bar thing either, are there any gay centers in Seoul? Look up glbtq centers Las Cruces, New Mexico for comparision, most here are kinda lay back and informative. Do any of the colleges or other schools have alternate life style support? Just thoughts out loud, if I think of anything else I will post more, Jim
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No, I don't think so. South Korea is a very conservative and restrained place, and I don't think things like that are out in the open so much. Sad as that is, it's really forced underground here. So yeah, this is a really sensitive thing so I hope to figure something out.
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Sounds like the 1950's here in the states, I lived through it and it got better, seen lots of progress in the last 50 years
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Haha, sooooo, what about a 3 month time table? I don't think korea has any intentions of anything progressive.
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Go and date a guy or two. See what happens with them. Things will become clearer to you.
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I guess I was looking for ideas for where to meet guys without the pressure of a hookup ie gay bar. Internet?
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I was able to find reference to a few gay organizations in South Korea, but I don't speak Korean so it would be difficult for me to find specific venues. I'd be surprised if a city the size of Seoul didn't have community organizations, they have these in places even more conservative than Korea. Maybe check for local LGBT blogs or news organizations that might have advertisements or information about community activities or groups. They can sometimes be difficult to track down, because they often don't announce their location in advance to prevent harassment. But there must be someone somewhere doing support groups for coming out in Seoul, this can be a non-threatening space to speak of your own sexuality and meet others who might be going through the same questions.
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be aware:
More of a statement not a question but are there anti gay laws in S. Korea or if your employ or future employ is a position of trust. Keep that in mind because stuff on the internet is not as private as it appears. Maybe look into getting a subscription to an encrypted VPN service even in the same area.
even in Europe or NAmerica meeting people off the internet can be a small risk. Meet the people in a public place first. Talk to them about what they hope to get out of the relationship and especially what you need. Be up front about each others HIV status and when you guys have been tested. Wear a condom and all the safe sex things.
That being out of the way;
-gay or straight relationships are mostly the same. How many gay friends do you have in your life That may be a place to start.
-Attraction to gay porn may be just as satisfying as the hetero situation because they have choreographed the stuff like a dance to sell well.
-You can satisfy your self so gay sex may great turn on but the main issue to being gay is if you can have a successful relationship with the same sex.
Gay bi or straight try not to create to many barriers. Explore what it is that you need.
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Umm….Crazy idea. How about planning a weekend in Tokyo? You wont have to worry about people outing you later, you can make a clean get away if things get messy, and the gay scene is a little bit more open but tame over here.
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