Ignore His Texts to Make Him Appreciate Me?

[californialife]

I had a previous post about my situation involving me (32) and an (18) year old. Yes, I know. Regardless of the complexities involved or the judgment many may make.. I am at a crossroads...

He is 18 years old, blonde hair, blue eyes, gorgeous, very involved in the 'big city' scene (as am I) and has the attention of every single guy in the city. As one can imagine, he learned very shortly after entering the 'big city' scene a year ago that he possesses the youth, body, looks and everything else to do absolutely nothing to get absolutely anything he wants from any gay, bi, questioning or curious male around.

He had serious issues growing up and is on his own due to his family and anyone and everyone that meant anything to him abandoning him. I am the first person in his life that actually pushed him away from physical contact and apparently that 'challenge' is what brought us together.

Regardless of that, it has been about 6 months and after a few months of him starting to trust I wasn't just out to use him like all the others, we have a semi-dysfunctional 'non-relationship', that we don't talk about what it even is.

Since after a couple months of getting to know each other, I let him know verbally that I really cared for him and that he could do anything he wanted and I would be there unconditionally as someone in his life to come back to.. My fault, I know. Since we weren't technically in a relationship.. (we haven't even been on a date really.. it's complicated there..) I thought I could be okay with him just being someone I cared about and him doing what he wants with anyone and just contacting me when he felt alone. He has nobody in his life to fall back on and I wanted him to know I would be there regardless, so he never has to worry about being alone in this world. I told him that I always have my phone on me and that if he ever needed anything to call/text me.. needless to say, he has taken advantage of this for the past few months.. and I to my word have responded 99% of the time within minutes of him sending a text/leaving a message/calling, saying yes/dropping everything/doing whatever he wants at a whim, regardless of where/who I am with.

A couple weeks ago he was out somewhere drunk and messaged me to come see him.. I stupidly showed up and as I looked in the window I saw him at a bar with some random guy talking. I walked in and he had Grindr on his phone on.. I brought it up later and he said he was so drunk that he forgot seeing me there, etc.. needless to say.. 'unconditional care' for this person and us not really being involved.. I didn't say anything about it.. as much as it ate me up.. multiple instances of this have occurred.. and anytime I have got upset about it.. I end up apologizing somehow for overreacting.. he accepts the apology and I don't hear from him for a week or so until he needs me next when he is feeling lonely.

As can be imagined, being as desirable as he is, with his background and issues, he has continued to live his life and do whatever, whenever with whoever and just contact me when he was feeling 'lonely'.. at first this was not really an issue.. until recently.. where he basically only contacts me when he is feeling lonely... he never responds to my communications unless he wants and does whatever, with whoever.. knowing fully that I will still accept him and take him back and be there for him.

A couple months ago, he saw me leaving somewhere with a guy (and apparently he assumed I was sleeping with him or something.. which would be okay even if it were true, as we weren't technically together or anything) and he sent me 7 texts within 24 hours.. starting with "hi", .."who is he", "where are you?", "will you just respond?", "are you leaving me".. I eventually responded about 24 hours later and he went off on me like I had never seen before.. even though nothing had even happened.. and then he got closer to me after that.. since then.. the above pattern has continued..

Last week I asked him if he wanted to go out for the first time since we first met to the same restaurant that we first met up.. he asked me why I hadn't asked earlier and I told him to name the day.. which he did.. indicating he was free on a weekday about six days later. I agreed..

Fast forward to this week.. Our 'date' was set for Tuesday night.. on Sunday night he messaged me for the first time in a few days and reminded me 'Don't forget about Tuesday night!'.. I responded back with a question and he didn't respond back.. on Monday I texted him asking how his day was and that I would appreciate if he didn't ignore my texts.. no response... then sent another text confirming that, yes I remembered Tuesday night and what time would time would work for him? No response. I know, I know.. and I know..

Regardless, Tuesday came.. and the time we were supposed to go out for the 'first official date in 6 months' came and went.. he sent me a text blaming 'me' for forgetting about that night we had planned.. I let him know that I had sent three texts earlier, one of them asking what time he would like to meet the day before.. that he had ignored.. he apologized and said he was really bad at responding to texts..

I told him I had nothing further to say to him and told him to have a good night, without any emotion of any kind. Needless to say, he contacted me last night via text.. saying hello.. instead of the usual immediate response.. an hour went by and I didn't respond and he went off on me like never before.. telling me to fuck off and that I'd be sorry for what I had just done by ignoring him.. text after text..

And here we are...

Now I set myself up for this.. I know.. I knew he was too young for me to even consider anything more than friends.. and with his past of being abandoned by everyone, I thought it would be kind and caring just to let him know I would always be there for him, regardless of what he did.. I had no idea that I would develop.. feelings.. unfortunately what was said, was said.. and that time has passed.. and feelings did develop.. I tried and tried to ignore them.. but here I am..

I feel so much better today.. for obvious reasons.. I have not responded to his texts from the previous evening and have my phone turned off to avoid the many that I am sure will be arriving today...

What he did was wrong.. very wrong.. he made me feel stupid for setting up a 'date'.. knowing full well since the beginning that he would not show up (nor didn't have to show up.. as I would always be there for him.. remember) and then trying to blame 'me' for being a no-show.. after ignoring all my attempts at setting a time.. "oh sorry, I'm really bad at texting people back.."

So I actually have a rationale reason to be upset and he knows it as well.. this isn't simply about me getting mad.. he knows very well that what he did was manipulative and wrong.. regardless of the fact that he won't admit it.. nor have I talked to him about it since...

In summary.. for those that have stuck around reading this.. regardless of the opinions if I should keep him in my life or just move on.. do you guys think now is perhaps an appropriate time for him to think about what I mean to him and not take me for granted by not responding to any of his attempts at communications at me?

He is so used to me responding immediately, doing as he wants, being there.. and just by me not responding within a few minutes the other night.. he went absolutely crazy as said above..

I know this could backfire.. and he may never trust me again, never talk to me again.. albeit I can't live like this with him in my life, treating me like absolute shit (the bridge I built.. I know..) and using me whenever he feels lonely and doing whatever he wants, with complete disregard or care for any time I want to talk or need someone there for me..

The thing is.. he knows he did wrong.. he took my kindness for granted and completely manipulated me, trying to make me feel like I did wrong to him.. I was thinking now is the perfect time for him to reevaluate what/where/who I am in his life..

I know he is furious and will continue texting me and telling me he will never talk to me again, he hates me, etc.. over today and potentially the next few days..

I wrote quite much here.. and I am not sure if anyone stuck around long enough to read it.. albeit.. for anyone that did.. is not responding to his communications for several days, not the right thing to do here? Is this just a form of manipulation? I honestly, really don't want to talk to him right now.. I am still quite upset at what he did.. Would I be in the wrong and be stooping to his level..

Right now, with his abandonment issues, I know he is absolutely going crazy.. as he doesn't have anyone else there for him but me.. he trusts nobody but me.. nobody knows him except for his facade but me.. he has no family.. just people his age that go out and party with him.. he knows he did something wrong and manipulative.. very wrong.. and that he may have pushed me over the edge to leave him to deal with his life on his own.. (we did take a month break after something like this happened before to a lesser degree.. I told him I needed some time to get my thoughts together.. he was much much more caring after I came back.. and then things went back to how they had been.. tearing me up..)

Or is now the perfect time to let him sit back and reflect on what I mean to him.. and perhaps then setting up a time where he can come over and we can talk about 'us' and where we are if he wants to see me again.. if he turns it down.. then I know it is time to move on.. I fully am prepared to accept this.. Keep in mind, I know I could lose his trust and him with this.. I just can't take being treated like this any further..

If he really cared for me and still wants me in his life.. I would think he would take the time to come over and discuss where we stand.. if he isn't willing to do this.. then I think it is time to move on, as obviously if he we don't do this.. things will simply go back to the way they were... and the cycle will repeat..

And if you do think I should ignore his communications.. to let him reevaluate and think about what/how/if I should be in his life.. for how long before I respond.. a day? two days? through the weekend? Thoughts are welcome...

PS: I have turned off my phone and knowing that I am not sitting around waiting for a response.. and it is the other way around.. I feel AMAZING.. it's like I am happy for the first time in months.. and I know he is going through what I have been going through for 'months'.. like a cloud has lifted.. knowing that I have the 'control' of the situation.. last time this happened he had said I ruined his past two days and he was never ever going to allow me to do that again to him.. (well of course he was saying that out of emotion.. and it was not the truth) I think I should just let the weekend pass, let him think about it.. and basically lay it out for him next week after he has had time to evaluate where he sees me in his life.. that if I really mean something to him.. for him to come over and for us to talk about 'where' we are.. or just for us both to move on.. it's been 6 months and if I don't take advantage of this opportunity, I KNOW it will just continue the cycle.. perhaps I answered my own question.. albeit thoughts are always appreciated.. the only thing I feel bad about.. is I told him.. he could trust that I would never hurt him and never leave him.. regardless of what he did.. that is all I am struggling with right now..

[Gizzie]

I agree that you have answered you own questions, and that is usually the only way problems like this can be solved.

I recommend you to keep ignoring him for a while longer for your own sake.
You might be amazed at how quickly you lose interest in him

[dfiant]

I was thinking now is the perfect time for him to reevaluate what/where/who I am in his life..

You don't get to decide that

he trusts nobody but me

Does he??? I mean really, does he?

and the cycle will repeat

As long as you keep going back to him, the cycle will continue.

His no1 and 2 priorities in life are drugs and alcohol. Absolutely NOTHING you say or do will make one iota of difference in his life. You are nothing but a pawn in a game. Click his fingers and you come running. He doesn't love you, He doesn't care fore you, and he more than likely has lied point blank to you. Have you thought to ask WHY he has no family? Have they disowned him?

to let him reevaluate and think about what/how/if I should be in his life

He will never do that until he is rehabilitated, and that could be years before he ever accepts help, if he ever does...and furthers years to rehabilitate.

for how long before I respond.. a day? two days? through the weekend? Thoughts are welcome

The only option is the one you didn't mention...NEVER

knowing that I have the 'control' of the situation

No you don't, you have absolutely no control..."Oh pretty boy...I must have"

You need to do as much growing up as he does. NOTHING other than walking away from the situation is ever going to change what exists between the 2 of you.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Meanwhile you are throwing a lot of time, effort and energy into a person who doesn't want that time, energy and effort.

Your fore-brain, that small rational part of you, is telling you that we can't be more than just friends. Your hind-brain that large over bearing, older more powerful animal brain is telling you to throw him down and 'do him' until he is cross-eyed.

You are emotionally over invested in this unattainable piece of ass. I put it this crudely so you will (hopefully) wake up and see what you are doing.

You are playing games - emotional games, games that teenagers play when they are exploring the dynamics of relationships. You are not doing the adult, mature, rational thing(s) here.

Did I not give you the web address for Alanon? http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

If so, did you even bother to click a link? Did you go to a meeting? Did you even pay any mind to my suggestion?

If you go to a meeting or three you might discover that their motto is tough love, and part of that is distancing oneself from an addict/alcoholic until the addict alcoholic hits their bottom and decides they have a problem.

While he may have told you that his family gave him the boot for no good reason, the reality is his family most likely laid down an ultimatum - seek rehab, program, and honest attempt to get clean/sober before coming back around.

He is a drunk and/or addict. You are a 'normy' - well mostly, you still get drunk and when I read that I have to wonder how often you get drunk and if this is a lifestyle for you too. If so you need a program of recovery as much as he does.

Assuming you are a normy (non addict/alcoholic) you can't related to what is going on in his brain. Yeah you may think you can, but you can't. You can't help him, you can't change him, you can't make his life better for him. He will have to do that on his own, and I fear that you have to be cruel and cut ties with him until he figures it out.

Yes it sounds cruel and yes it does hurt, however it does him far much good than your attempting to fix him or your playing his game which feeds his ego.

I would suggest that you cut him off completely and go on about your own life. He is 18, and most likely will not seek to become clean and sober for another decade. Yes it takes a long time before a drunk/addict gets a belly full and realizes they have a problem and seek real help. Its a sad story repeated God only knows how many times.

[californialife]

I do really appreciate all of you that took the time to read the long long post.. as one can imagine, when I saw the responses.. I was hoping to at least have one response saying things would work out.. or there was a way to make things possible between us...

I understand that everyone simply thinks I am in 'lust' with this boy.. but it really isn't that... I had to push him away from physical contact.. I told him that I care about him and I know that everyone else has used and abused him for sex and I don't ever want him to think I am that person... when he comes over, he usually just lays in my bed next to me and passes out.. if he tries to initiate anything, I push him away and ask him to please go to sleep on his side of the bed..

While many may not believe me.. this is the kind of.. dysfunctional relationship we have.. and I know he appreciates and knows I have no hidden motives of my care for him.. I am not just using him for sex.. I am the one having to constantly turn him down and tell him that if he comes over, nothing is happening.. in that I don't want go to there..

Both of us have no problem finding other guys.. and we aren't really in an 'actual' relationship.. so it's not like we don't have plenty of opportunities for us both to 'get off' when we want with others.. which is most likely how we are able to function non.sexually and be okay with it.

So this event happened Tuesday night.. where he manipulated me into making me believe there was going to be a time we went out and just talked for the first time since we met..

on Wednesday night he messaged me and I did not respond in my immediate 'few minutes' and he went off on me.. telling me 'fuck you'.. 'you are so fake'.. 'you are going to be sorry for what you just did'.. and ironically I did nothing.. I just told him to have a good night on Tuesday, emotionless via text when he did what he did.

Keep in mind I haven't contacted him and he made these assumptions above.. and with no contact this week.. tonight.. (Friday).. he texted me asking 'why I had changed so much since wanting to get dinner Tuesday'.. he said that he understood I was being frustrated, but didn't understand why I hated him.. I didn't respond in an hour.. and he called me by first name with a question mark.. which he had never done before.. then another text asking me to please let him know why I was ignoring him.. and then shortly thereafter he apologized and said he would leave me alone and said he was sorry..

As hard as it was not to respond.. I stayed strong.. I know how manipulative he is.. I also know how proud and narcissistic he is.. it sounded kind of pathetic.. either that or an attempt to try and pull at my heart strings..

I honestly was out having a good time with friends and was okay with just ignoring it.. previously I would have rushed somewhere and immediately texted him back.. he would have rushed to my place and we would have made up.. and then the cycle would begin again..

Just a day ago he said that I would be sorry for what I had did.. I mean, it's almost like he's schizophrenic.. assuming all these things.. that I hate him.. that I'm frustrated.. that I'm going to be sorry for what I did.. because I didn't respond to his text within an hour after he told me to fuck off? It's like he has lost complete control..

Just a week ago.. he was literally laughing in my face at what a puppet I was for him.. essentially saying how lucky I was to have him in his life.. and treating me like absolute crap.. albeit.. I really must blame myself for this in some part.. over those six months since we met.. I put him on such a pedestal.. told him he could do no wrong.. he could treat me how he wanted.. do what he wanted.. and I would always always be there for him.. I would never leave him.. I would always be his rock to come to when he was lonely.. so while yes.. by no means should I be treated like this.. I was stupid enough to build him up to this level and realize that he could do no wrong.. I have never been in a relationship in my life.. so I had no idea what I was doing...

We both know that we will not have a relationship.. I honestly don't want a relationship with him.. I know it won't work out.. and I know he is 'looking' for a relationship.. but he obviously is not stable enough to have one at this moment in his life...

I'm really at a crossroads.. ..I really care for this kid.. he has shown care to me.. told me I mean more than anyone to him.. that I'm the only one he trusts.. the only one he has opened up to.. the only one he cares about... etc.. etc.. (when he is literally obliterated.. where is blacking out..) then he wakes up the next morning and sometimes remembers what he said and tells me to forget what he said last night.. embarrassed that he opened up to me..

The thing is.. as I said in the previous post.. this kid literally has hundreds of people on his phone texting and calling him all day long.. many very desirable.. many extremely handsome.. (I've seen some of his friends.. and I'm surprised they don't work for bel ami..).. yet.. he always seems to come back to me.. he will literally walk miles drunk in a t-shirt.. just to show up at my door begging for me to let him come in..

I don't really myself have anyone else that I care about either in my life.. I don't really have a close family.. albeit 'hundreds' of friends and people I know.. as well many extremely attractive, intelligent people that make this kid look like dog food.. yet I just don't want them around.. as flattering as it is.. there is just some connection we have.. that the others pale in comparison.. the other night I had an abercrombie store model in my bed and i just wanted him to leave.. he called me the next day to hang out.. but I just wasn't interested..

so it really isn't just a 'lust' thing.. it's really like a leaving las vegas situation.. we both have extreme levels of emotional intelligence and connect on a certain level that doesn't need words.. age and experience has never come up.. as it isn't important.. we aren't in a relationship.. we BOTH are not ready for a relationship.. and I don't see myself getting in one with him or anyone anytime soon.. (I'm 32 and have never even been on a date.. so obviously I am not just saying this.. I just for some reason am never interested in guys more than a one night thing...)

He has hinted more than once when drunk that he doesn't expect to live much longer.. he does many things with complete disregard for his life.. he has a bright wide smile that he always showing to the world.. glowing blue eyes and beautiful blonde hair that mask so much such sadness.. complete alcoholic at eighteen.. he has absolutely nobody.. everyone just uses him and throws him to the curb.. I suppose I relate as I had a similar growing up experience..

In summary.. I really don't know.. I'm halfway between moving on.. and halfway between letting a week pass.. and then notifying him that if he wants to continue any form of contact with me, that we need to talk.. (something we have never really done before..) and that if he isn't willing to do that.. fine.. we should just both move on..

If something happened to him.. and just the thought of him being alone in this world with no family, no friends and just old guys getting him drunk and using him and throwing him to the curb.. with nowhere to go... upsets me deeply..

This post and reply is long enough.. so I do not need to go into the psychology behind it.. I studied it in college and know exactly what, why I am doing this.. being 32.. him 18..

That being said.. we are where we are at...

Should I give it one more chance for him to talk to me in person and if he isn't willing to do that (he never has before).. to move on? Or should I just move on and live and learn and wish him the best in life...

[Vigilias]

My advice from reading what you've told us is to walk away now, while you still can.

There are hundreds, thousands of guys like this on every scene in every city in every country in the world.

You wont change him and you can't help him unless he wants to be helped and right now it seems like he's having a great time being the centre of everyones attention. Remember Easops Fable about the Scorpian and the Frog (Google).

Maybe you give too much of yourself away.

Good luck!

[pellaz]

i tried to respond to this post a couple of days ago, or something but got a "data base error" off gayspeak.com

all good

dont you see this is why older for younger is a lot of emotional work. You guys started it tho and I cant advise you to just toss each other to the curb.

You guys cant meet in the middle; he is not more mature for his age.
If he is needy give it to him. Be there for him as a friend but draw the line honey. Move on with a new boy friend before your emotional space is all folded destroyed.

[dfiant]

You keep trying to justify the situation and continually paint yourself as a 'Knight in shining Armour'

As far as the relationship/friendship thingy goes...You can paint a turd gold, but it will always be a turd.

[zeon]

Hello,
I have found that this lad is sounding in some ways like a user however if he hasnt been loved it may be someone I would call a wild one and needs someone to train him... If i was you i would get hold of him abnd say right you are now coming for a drink with me and tell him you want to help him cope with situations and express the fact that you feel he is a wild lad because no one has shown any guidance... Explain to him that you are there at the moment as a friend who is guiding him onto things in life and will still care for his feelings providing he meets the agreement you two are going to set up between you to see this happen... Basic instincts dont always cover it and if this lad isnt train in his life he will find future partners abandoning him and furthermore he could turn into nothing more than a manwhore to put it blunt...
I used to know a 19 year old who i met through my boyfriend and he was wanting people to show him some love and care which we did and he eventually tried to get with my boyfriend and take advantage of the situation and as a result ties were cut despite us both feeling guilty you cannot allow him to speak to you in this manner... You are the adult he is the minor so to speak therefore your going to have to work on him to ensure he is pointed in the right direction and it may take weeks/months/years but with serious percievance he will get there but you need to get him to agree to set times and tell him you wont wait around this way the ball is in your court and cut the texting call instead and if he doesnt answer then his tried... If you text he can easily ignore it

Kindest regards
#
zeon x

[LateBloomer]

I do really appreciate all of you that took the time to read the long long post.. as one can imagine, when I saw the responses.. I was hoping to at least have one response saying things would work out.. or there was a way to make things possible between us...

I understand that everyone simply thinks I am in 'lust' with this boy.. but it really isn't that... I had to push him away from physical contact.. I told him that I care about him and I know that everyone else has used and abused him for sex and I don't ever want him to think I am that person... when he comes over, he usually just lays in my bed next to me and passes out.. if he tries to initiate anything, I push him away and ask him to please go to sleep on his side of the bed..

While many may not believe me.. this is the kind of.. dysfunctional relationship we have.. and I know he appreciates and knows I have no hidden motives of my care for him.. I am not just using him for sex.. I am the one having to constantly turn him down and tell him that if he comes over, nothing is happening.. in that I don't want go to there..

Both of us have no problem finding other guys.. and we aren't really in an 'actual' relationship.. so it's not like we don't have plenty of opportunities for us both to 'get off' when we want with others.. which is most likely how we are able to function non.sexually and be okay with it.

So this event happened Tuesday night.. where he manipulated me into making me believe there was going to be a time we went out and just talked for the first time since we met..

on Wednesday night he messaged me and I did not respond in my immediate 'few minutes' and he went off on me.. telling me 'fuck you'.. 'you are so fake'.. 'you are going to be sorry for what you just did'.. and ironically I did nothing.. I just told him to have a good night on Tuesday, emotionless via text when he did what he did.

Keep in mind I haven't contacted him and he made these assumptions above.. and with no contact this week.. tonight.. (Friday).. he texted me asking 'why I had changed so much since wanting to get dinner Tuesday'.. he said that he understood I was being frustrated, but didn't understand why I hated him.. I didn't respond in an hour.. and he called me by first name with a question mark.. which he had never done before.. then another text asking me to please let him know why I was ignoring him.. and then shortly thereafter he apologized and said he would leave me alone and said he was sorry..

As hard as it was not to respond.. I stayed strong.. I know how manipulative he is.. I also know how proud and narcissistic he is.. it sounded kind of pathetic.. either that or an attempt to try and pull at my heart strings..

I honestly was out having a good time with friends and was okay with just ignoring it.. previously I would have rushed somewhere and immediately texted him back.. he would have rushed to my place and we would have made up.. and then the cycle would begin again..

Just a day ago he said that I would be sorry for what I had did.. I mean, it's almost like he's schizophrenic.. assuming all these things.. that I hate him.. that I'm frustrated.. that I'm going to be sorry for what I did.. because I didn't respond to his text within an hour after he told me to fuck off? It's like he has lost complete control..

Just a week ago.. he was literally laughing in my face at what a puppet I was for him.. essentially saying how lucky I was to have him in his life.. and treating me like absolute crap.. albeit.. I really must blame myself for this in some part.. over those six months since we met.. I put him on such a pedestal.. told him he could do no wrong.. he could treat me how he wanted.. do what he wanted.. and I would always always be there for him.. I would never leave him.. I would always be his rock to come to when he was lonely.. so while yes.. by no means should I be treated like this.. I was stupid enough to build him up to this level and realize that he could do no wrong.. I have never been in a relationship in my life.. so I had no idea what I was doing...

We both know that we will not have a relationship.. I honestly don't want a relationship with him.. I know it won't work out.. and I know he is 'looking' for a relationship.. but he obviously is not stable enough to have one at this moment in his life...

I'm really at a crossroads.. ..I really care for this kid.. he has shown care to me.. told me I mean more than anyone to him.. that I'm the only one he trusts.. the only one he has opened up to.. the only one he cares about... etc.. etc.. (when he is literally obliterated.. where is blacking out..) then he wakes up the next morning and sometimes remembers what he said and tells me to forget what he said last night.. embarrassed that he opened up to me..

The thing is.. as I said in the previous post.. this kid literally has hundreds of people on his phone texting and calling him all day long.. many very desirable.. many extremely handsome.. (I've seen some of his friends.. and I'm surprised they don't work for bel ami..).. yet.. he always seems to come back to me.. he will literally walk miles drunk in a t-shirt.. just to show up at my door begging for me to let him come in..

I don't really myself have anyone else that I care about either in my life.. I don't really have a close family.. albeit 'hundreds' of friends and people I know.. as well many extremely attractive, intelligent people that make this kid look like dog food.. yet I just don't want them around.. as flattering as it is.. there is just some connection we have.. that the others pale in comparison.. the other night I had an abercrombie store model in my bed and i just wanted him to leave.. he called me the next day to hang out.. but I just wasn't interested..

so it really isn't just a 'lust' thing.. it's really like a leaving las vegas situation.. we both have extreme levels of emotional intelligence and connect on a certain level that doesn't need words.. age and experience has never come up.. as it isn't important.. we aren't in a relationship.. we BOTH are not ready for a relationship.. and I don't see myself getting in one with him or anyone anytime soon.. (I'm 32 and have never even been on a date.. so obviously I am not just saying this.. I just for some reason am never interested in guys more than a one night thing...)

He has hinted more than once when drunk that he doesn't expect to live much longer.. he does many things with complete disregard for his life.. he has a bright wide smile that he always showing to the world.. glowing blue eyes and beautiful blonde hair that mask so much such sadness.. complete alcoholic at eighteen.. he has absolutely nobody.. everyone just uses him and throws him to the curb.. I suppose I relate as I had a similar growing up experience..

In summary.. I really don't know.. I'm halfway between moving on.. and halfway between letting a week pass.. and then notifying him that if he wants to continue any form of contact with me, that we need to talk.. (something we have never really done before..) and that if he isn't willing to do that.. fine.. we should just both move on..

If something happened to him.. and just the thought of him being alone in this world with no family, no friends and just old guys getting him drunk and using him and throwing him to the curb.. with nowhere to go... upsets me deeply..

This post and reply is long enough.. so I do not need to go into the psychology behind it.. I studied it in college and know exactly what, why I am doing this.. being 32.. him 18..

That being said.. we are where we are at...

Should I give it one more chance for him to talk to me in person and if he isn't willing to do that (he never has before).. to move on? Or should I just move on and live and learn and wish him the best in life...

Some straight talk:

You're obviously conflicted, confused, ambivalent and sending mixed messages.

You use a LOT of words to explain the situation.

Someone needs to be the adult in this situation.

And before you can entertain the idea of being in a relationship with someone you need to get yourself some real life dating experience. Hook ups don't count. Take it from me, LateBloomer.

Good luck.