I'm 24 and totally feel like a loser, having only recently come out a few years ago I basically have never been on a date, EVER (so yes I'm a virgin, and no Ive never even kissed a guy, ever).
I think why I didnt even try (even while closeted) was because I'm ugly, I feel ugly and guys (especially gay guys) seem to judge harshly on looks. I'd hang out in gay chat rooms mostly and I remember something a guy (also like me) told me a few years ago and I've never forgot it, he basically said "listen, ugly guys don't ever get with hot guys, unless they're rich or famous, and only then it's because of the money. If you want sex with a hot guy, you can have it, you're just going to have to pay for it...just don't expect a relationship, that's life and it aint pretty, and no one said it'd be fair"
Now I dont think i have super high standards, I just want to date someone I'm attracted to, even a little bit. But I feel like looks are everything and it's hard for me to find someone who's been in my position and use it as motivation. I want to develop a mindset because people always say that confidence is attractive, it's just hard to notice.
So was what that guy said right? Or has anyone here proven him wrong and gone from being a 'loser' (like I am) to living the life they always wanted? Please be honest, I'd rather just not waste my time... and thank you so much for your help.
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sync088 Wrote:"listen, ugly guys don't ever get with hot guys, unless they're rich or famous, and only then it's because of the money. If you want sex with a hot guy, you can have it, you're just going to have to pay for it...just don't expect a relationship, that's life and it aint pretty, and no one said it'd be fair"
This is such a bullshit. I guess it may be easier for an atractive guy to find a one night stand, but it doesn't say anything about his future happiness.
I talked to some really handsome guys and several of them were disappointed, that the look was actually an obstackle.
"confidence is attractive, it's just hard to notice."
this is actually not true. You can notice it on first sight. It's your body language what speaks really loud.
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first off welcome to gayspeak  mile:
sync088 Wrote:Now I dont think i have super high standards, I just want to date someone I'm attracted to, even a little bit. You have to love your self first. After that you have to think in terms what does this guy bring to the table that completes us as a couple, where we add up to more more just two. Nothing about appearances here.
sync088 Wrote:If you want sex with a hot guy, you can have it, you're just going to have to pay for it...just don't expect a relationship you are so off, a hot guy is not even good for working on your car. Do a reality ck here, does he look like you, if yes all golden for the physical attraction department.
sync088 Wrote:... and gone from being a 'loser' ... to living the life they always wanted? Being in a relationship will not change your core personality. The only person that can live your life is you and you will be the same in a relationship or not.
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I was once a "forever alone". So I was once in your position. I was once "forever alone", but I got better. Now I have a wonderful life with my fiance (she is a great woman, and she even lets me sleep with all the cute guys I want to!) So here is what happened to me...
I was a freshman in college and met a guy named Kevin. One day, while on the face-book, he messaged me and said he would pay me 50$ to have sex with me. Well I declined the money and told him he could do me for free. It was a wonderful, loving experience, and that was that. After that I slowly began to grow more confident, and I thank Kevin for that even today. Lots of people talk a big game about finding confidence on the inside. Frankly that's a bunch of sillyness. Humans are social creatures by nature, and even though those people don't remember it, they got the confidence they have today because someone in their life (maybe a mother, maybe a teacher) made it known that they had value. To gain confidence I met someone else to find something valuable about me. And you know what? Looking back on my life, there were a lot of people that saw something good in me and I just didn't realize it at the time. So...
Just think back on your parents or someone else in your life that was there a lot. Certainly someone has seen something of value in you. Let that be the foundation for your confidence.
Look back at that, and then move forward.
As for the rest of the advice...
1) Confidence is sexy. Nothing make me wanna spread my legs more than a man with confidence. That being said, its gotta be real confidence. Real confidence is not...
-Being a douche-bag.
-Being loud and overly-friendly.
-Putting on a smile and happy "hello" when you're not really happy.
-Believing you "deserve" something or are "worth it".
Real confidence is...
-Being calm and collected.
-Not looking down on yourself.
-Not freaking out or being too shy in social situations
-Not worrying about what the other people around you are thinking and instead enjoying yourself.
2) Looks do matter, but only to an extent. They don't matter as much as people on TV would like you to think they do, but they do matter more than the people above me think (at least in the vast majority of situations). Somewhere in the middle is the truth.
-People do look at appearances. This is proven social science. And I aint gonna sugar coat it. People do choose mates largely based on appearance.
-That being said that does not mean that your life will be devoid of love and sex should you be not-so-attractive. Its just gonna be harder to find. Its not the end of the world. People have had to deal with a lot worse than being ugly and still found love. You should be okay.
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First, I want to echo what everyone else said so far.
Second, I'm exhausted, so I won't be able to put together the response I would really LIKE to write right now.
Third, I was ForeverAlone until I became the LateBloomer.
Let me tell you something. There is someone in this world for EVERYONE. And yes, looks are more important to men than to women (we are more visual), but the old cliche' (Beauty is in the eye of the beholder) is as true as ever.
For most of us, that means we should look AS IF we take really good care of ourselves. I think that's the most anyone can ask.
Be in your best shape (physically and mentally) and the confidence will come.
Dress well--not extravagant--but appropriate for the situation.
Be well rounded (socially, intellectually, philosophically) so people find you interesting and compelling.
Surround yourself with people who are GOOD for you. Successful, positive, dynamic people.
Someone said, "You want to show me who you are? Show me your friends."
Good luck.
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I think beauty and ugliness are really in the eyes of the beholder. I've also seen people that I thought were very attractive or beautiful who didn't even see that they were beautiful and were constantly thinking that something in their features should be more beautiful or more attractive, or they were constantly checking themselves in the mirror and finding fault with their appearance. Such high standards, right?
People in the modelling business (whose looks ARE attractive) are like that, sometimes. It is to do with security and self confidence, indeed. But my point here is not going to be about how you view yourself, but more with how you might improve looks that aren't the greatest life has to offer.
There are a few things you can do, which can be going to the hairdresser's and getting a new haircut, getting some clothes that make you comfortable and that look good on you. Not everything fits everyone. You may want to experiment, and maybe to trust a good friend or relative who could go out shopping with you. Find someone who generally has good taste and who knows what you are likely to wear or not wear... and also someone who has your interest at heart. Some good clothes shops also have good advice to give, but that's not always the case. Sometimes all they want is to sell you something, anything, as long as you pay. Good professional advice is precious, though.
You can look better if you take good care of your skin, your hands, your shape (sometimes losing a few pounds or putting on a few can change this aspect). You might want to consider going to a gym or doing some more sport to look healthier, or going to a spa, or getting a massage to look less tired et.. Some people will gain from having a tan or a bit more colour. If need be, you could even wear makeup (sometimes a discreet touch of it can do wonders to lift you up.)
Of course you have to find those things which are within your possibilities financially. Surely some parts of a makeover must be possible if you really want to try.
You will probably get encouragements from your friends and family when they see that you've changed something and that it suits you. This will boost your confidence. Probably they will feel that somethings going for you, and that you're on track.
One thing you might consider doing is trying out a moustache or a beard, or trimming it in some particular way, or if you don't shave, maybe you might consider removing that facial hair?
The reason I'm saying all this is that you seem to consider that looks are important (to some extent) so why not improve yours, in so much as you can? If you wear glasses, have you considered changing your spectacle rims, or going to lenses? There's a wealth of changes possible, out there and there are professionals who can help you make these changes.
If you're on a budget, you can still find tips here and there, on the Internet, asking some friends and acquaintances, that will help you to alter how you look, maybe make yourself a more intereting personality outwardly and use what real skills you have inside to shine.
Good luck. You can do it. mile:
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sync088;158660 [I Wrote:"listen, ugly guys don't ever get with hot guys, unless they're rich or famous, and only then it's because of the money. If you want sex with a hot guy, you can have it, you're just going to have to pay for it...just don't expect a relationship, that's life and it aint pretty, and no one said it'd be fair" [/I]
This is the entire reason I have nothing to do with "THE Gay Scene". They are a frivolous, judgemental, superficial, materiallistic, drug adled, alcohol soaked minority whose lives revolve around nothing but gay clubs and chatrooms and bitching about everyone and everything.
Stay away from Gay Chatrooms.
Some dating site are better than others I find, but I generally stay right away from chatrooms and Gay nightclubs. They are so up themselves that they seem to think that they have everything, but they have nothing that REAL men want 
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"Please be honest, I'd rather just not waste my time... and thank you so much for your help."
youll base life choices on peoples opinion on the internet?just keep looking for someone-i dont think looks are everything
what you radiate from inside becomes a look
so called goodlookings can be a waste of time in my opinion
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im 57 and single but thats because i have medical problems maybe and i sleep a lot to avoid the pain and stuff, and because i can never decide what i want in life and other reasons, or im just scared
you have to hope things can get better i guess and i guess they can
i dont have a lot of money -some hate that
you must have good points
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I was once so depressed and alone. but it changed for me in 08 when i reconnected and fell in love with my best friend. I'd known her since i was 3 and we lost touch. Long Story short. We're married now. and I'm happy and in love. Things can change for the better in an instant.
Mick
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