Is my boyfriend too close to his nephew

[Person66]

I was wondering if my boyfriend's nephew is too attached to him. I am not talking about anything sexual, his family lives in Maryland several states away. My BF is 24 his nephew is 11, he always sends him the best gifts for: his birthday, Christmas, or for no particular reason. This doesn't faze me, as I dote on my friend's adorable daughters, so I'm not one to talk about not spoiling children.
What surprised me was that yesterday his nephew called him in distress. Keep in mind that both his nephew and I have dyscalculia (math disorder) but they affect us differently, his nephew tends to confuse numbers (like a 4 for a 9 or whatever) where as I just suck at math.
He was a part of (ironically enough) a forum like this one but for kids and teens. The whole incident involved the kid confusing numbers when he selected what year he was born making him seem at least ten years older, accidentally registering him self as a twenty something. He really liked this forum and made a lot of friends. When the webmaster saw his age (which didn't appear in his posts or profile) he called him a fraud and a liar and suspended his account permanently, though he can get it Bach thru appeal).

He was devastated. My BF talked with him for a long time, he calmed him down, showed him how to appeal the decision and I hope he gets his account back. My BF was great with him. The strange part is he talked to my BF before he told his own parents or anyone. This isn't the first time, he often confides in my BF without telling anyone else.
Why do you think he's doing that?
Why would he trusts my BF more than his own parents?
Do you my BF might want children? (he says whatever I want, should we get that far)
What's your opinion of this situation?

P.S.-We are so lucky to have Andy!

[Sylph]

I don't think it's weird, it's actually very common .

It sometimes depends on the situation sometimes too.

Boys like to talk to their father's about stuff, especially boy stuff and vice versa for girls.

There's also the fact that maybe he connects with your Boyfriend, more than his parents, because maybe they don't understand him the way your boyfriend does.

I used to go back and forth between my uncle and mother when he was living with us when I was a child. He understood me where my mom didn't and vice versa.

It's not unusual.

Although, it could be that his parents neglect/hit/abuse him and he's seeking the next best thing, but that's probably unlikely, as you would've noticed the signs.

I wouldn't worry about it, My siblings(5) all come to talk to me about their personal problems. It comes with the job of being the oldest :p .

My brother who's the second eldest, wanted to know about Vaginas and Penises and what not, but he didn't want to talk about it with his step-dad or his mom. I was alittle uncomfortable at first, but so was he and he had just gone 14, so it was about that time anyway. I didn't want him getting some girl pregnant, because he didn't know about sex. Though, it's not his fault because he was raised deeply in the church.

He didn't even know men could ejaculate and told me his friends told him only girls could ejaculate and boys "cum". I was like "ohh boyy ..." .

So had he not come to me, he probably would've gotten some girl pregnant and then his life would never be the same.

So it's not really because it's unusual, but it's a matter of comfort and relatability. My brother came to me, because we're close in age(4years apart) and he feels more comfortable with me than his parents. He still loves them, just somethings he feels more comfortable telling me than them.

Alot of kids find it easier to talk to someone outside of their immediate family.

And about your boyfriend wanting kids, I would suggest that you don't cross any bridges until you get to them. Let things flow naturally.

[pellaz]

... The strange part is[/U] he talked to my BF before he told his own parents or anyone. This isn't the first time, he often confides in my BF without telling anyone else. Why do you think he's doing that? Why would he trusts my BF more than his own parents?

Not un common for the average teenager to treat their parents will less respect than friends of the family. Its along the lines that he is starting to grow up and value other opinions more or less than his parents.

... Does my BF might want children? (he says whatever I want, should we get that far)

Its something for both boys to consider with care. for example it is 3 years to get a child out of diapers. Just saying it is romantic but a huge commitment. You can do it.

I think gay men are wired different than straight and can be very nurturing in a none threatening way. Especially with in a extended family situation. It is how possibly we fit into the community. Everyone is sooo different but there is more than sexual preference in being gay.

[dfiant]

I think your partners nephew is lucky to have someone other than his parents that he can turn to when he feels he needs someone to talk to.

And yes, I would suspect there is some sort of paternal instinct on your partner's behalf.

[Pix]

It's not so strange. A lot of parents can be too busy or distant than other relatives. Also, a relative is often more likely to help without criticizing than many parents will (and even if they don't it usually hurts less).

Just because someone is good with children doesn't mean they want children.

My opinion is he sounds like a cool uncle.

[Rainbowmum]

It is very normal.:biggrin:
Kids attach themselves to different members of the family for whatever reasons.

Here is an example for you.
My oldest son Jay has two girls , Shayanne the youngest is extremely attached to her uncle Jesse ( my youngest son)

If Uncle Jess is around , the rest of us are invisible , her father , mother , sister Nan &pop .
The only person there is uncle Jess and he is the only one that can do anything for her.

It is so cute , he has to tuck her in , and she will pitch a hissyfit if anyone else tries to interfere.

When he is not there , she goes back to being daddy's girl.

[Gizzie]

I am like that to my Aunt, and my BF'S niece and nephew tell everything to him too.

I think aunts and uncles are great because they are someone you can trust as a family, but not too close to you like your parents.

So nothing is wrong with what your BF is doing.

However, does that mean he has a paternal/ maternal instinct... not necessarily.
My BF hates kids, and would never have one of his own, but he is a great mentor and leader at work.
Many of his staff worship him and I think thats what the niece and nephew see in him too.

[Person66]

Well that settles it. Nothing strange here. I suspected as much, but I always second guess myself.

Thanks Odi, you're very comforting, the thing is I'm the eldest (out of 2) however my little brother would trust me
about as far as he could throw me (not very far:biggrin. I've tried to get close to him but all my attempts were in vain, even as a baby, he'd scream and scratch at my eyes if I tried to pick him up. Things got worse from there.
Odi your siblings are lucky to have you

Pellaz you're right having children is a huge commitment and a gigantic responsibility
Pix I agree my partner is a cool uncle, I had no one like that growing up only my mother and my friends.

He is good with children, not that I don't like children (they certainly like me) for example when I went to Disney World, every lost kid would run up to me saying I can't find my mommy/daddy, this was somewhat disconcerting as I could of been a child- murderer, I would try to explain to them that they shouldn't talk to strangers as they can be dangerous, yet explain that I wasn't dangerous then track down the missing parent.

His nephew seems to have a stable family. He has one much younger sister and his father is kind of busy as he runs a large business by himself and is close to my BF

Rainbowmum from what I've heard, the situation is the same with my boyfriend and his nephew as it is with your son Jess and your grand- daughter.

Thanks everyone for your help.

[gilhooly]

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