All I think about

[SadSilence]

It's been a little over a week since I've last cut, which is good mile: but lately all I can think about is cutting. I've looked for elastic and rubber bands to put on my wrists so I can snap them on my wrists to get that... delight, that release. But I can't find any. My father is really mad at me because I'm failing my classes and it makes it worse and the urge worse. I don't know what to do all I can do is stuff my face, completely shut down, or sleep so I don't cut. But that will only last so long, Cutting is... it means a lot to me, helps me cope, reminds me that I still feel, reminds me that I'm human (I've said this before) and not some abomination that needs to be put down swiftly. I don't want to exist... I just want to fade.

Gay... Can I please have one day where that doesn't interfer with my life, one day that is doesn't add to the weight. I don't want to be gay, I'm sick of being accused of being gay. Even the teachers accuse me sometimes.. Jokingly, but it's not jokingly to me, to me it's personal. May as well stab me, that would at least be easier to cope with. Really, what makes me gay? Is it because I put lotion and chapstick on in the middle of class? Is it because I dress nice and don't like to be hairy or do sports except swimming? Is it because I have good hygiene or because I don't treat women like whores? I don't know...

[HollandofFrance]

you have to stop cutting

you have to find people to help you be positive

here i guess at least

[Wombat]

It's been a little over a week since I've last cut, which is good mile: but lately all I can think about is cutting. I've looked for elastic and rubber bands to put on my wrists so I can snap them on my wrists to get that... delight, that release. But I can't find any. My father is really mad at me because I'm failing my classes and it makes it worse and the urge worse. I don't know what to do all I can do is stuff my face, completely shut down, or sleep so I don't cut. But that will only last so long, Cutting is... it means a lot to me, helps me cope, reminds me that I still feel, reminds me that I'm human (I've said this before) and not some abomination that needs to be put down swiftly. I don't want to exist... I just want to fade.

Gay... Can I please have one day where that doesn't interfer with my life, one day that is doesn't add to the weight. I don't want to be gay, I'm sick of being accused of being gay. Even the teachers accuse me sometimes.. Jokingly, but it's not jokingly to me, to me it's personal. May as well stab me, that would at least be easier to cope with. Really, what makes me gay? Is it because I put lotion and chapstick on in the middle of class? Is it because I dress nice and don't like to be hairy or do sports except swimming? Is it because I have good hygiene or because I don't treat women like whores? I don't know...

All of the above... although the chapstick thing is a worry

[HollandofFrance]

are you near a liberal church that has social programs for gays?

[James]

Understand the release in cutting, glad you can hold out, so you want help with classes, or being gay, or with life? Jim

[Wombat]

Why do Americans always look for excuses and explanations and salvation and every other god damn thing that you are too stupid to reason out for yourself in a "church"? Anyone over there considered reason and logic and common sense as an option? You really are very funny bunch *giggles*

[James]

Talk to us all we want to help

[HollandofFrance]

well what clubs are there for gays here wombat?liberal churches have programs -what can a 15 year old do in your country? they cant go to bars

[James]

Well in my community, 15 year olds have a glbtq center that backs them 110 % I know cause I back the center. Lots of people can talk and complain, a "FEW" can actually make a differance, Jim

[HollandofFrance]

Lambert House

http://www.lamberthouse.org/

http://www.lamberthouse.org/outside.html

seattle stuff

you might email them and ask if they know of places near you